Sadly, I lost my precious baby to miscarriage last week. I was only 12 weeks along. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband asked if we should name the baby. I have never heard of anyone naming a lost baby unless they were closer to term. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you have any advice?
First off, Iām so sorry to hear that, I canāt imagine itās easy to handle.
As for advice, Iām not sure, this seems like a very personal topic, and youāll likely get a lot of ideas.
[name_f]My[/name_f] only thoughts on it, are, personally, I feel like it might be more meaningful to name them if you know the gender, but, at 12 weeks, I donāt think it would have been detected yet. That can making settling on a name more difficult, because you would also have to assign a hypothetical gender, or choose a unisex name, and unisex might not be your style. However, Iāve always thought that, if it does happen to me one day (miscarriages are incredibly common in my family), that I would choose a unisex name that I donāt mind on either gender - like [name_u]Darcy[/name_u] or [name_u]Morgan[/name_u]. Or, I wouldnāt choose a proper name, and would just choose a special NN that would be like, reserved for that child.
I hope that came across the way I intended, and once again, Iām so sorry to hear that. hugs. xoxo
Iām so sorry for your loss. I know women who have named their miscarried child and others who have not, all of whom were around the same point in their pregnancy as you were. I think if it would help you and your husband to heal to have a name for the child or a way to remember your loss, then there is no ārightā or āwrongā pregnancy length to do so.
boyandgirl, I feel like I was destined to read your post. [name_f]My[/name_f] baby also died last week; I miscarried at 11 weeks. I debated for a while whether or not to name her (I feel in my heart it was a girl even though we have no way of knowing), and do I use a ārealā name, like from our name list we were building for this baby we planned to greet in [name_f]October[/name_f]? Or simply a nickname? [name_f]Do[/name_f] I use a name that I had wanted for a future, living child? Or should I āsaveā those names and come up with something else? All hard questions, no right answers. Hereās what we decided to doā¦
We named our baby [name_f]Susannah[/name_f]. This was off our real list, and it was THE name, as far as I was concerned. I was hesitant to use it, however, because I wanted to have a healthy, living [name_f]Susannah[/name_f], who would be part of our family and be my little girl, who I would raise and watch her grow up. I didnāt want my [name_f]Susannah[/name_f] to be my baby that died. For those reasons, we strongly considered using a different name (we didnāt consider not naming ā for us, it was a crucial step in honoring this child and processing our grief. I donāt think it matters if you lose a baby at 4 weeks or 40 ā itās still your baby). All of that being said, we did end up ultimately naming her [name_f]Susannah[/name_f] because 1) I simply believed in my heart that she WAS [name_f]Susannah[/name_f]. It wasnāt like just any baby died. It was like [name_f]Susannah[/name_f] died; like she already had an identity, and 2) We had already been referring to her as ā[name_f]Zuzu[/name_f],ā 3) I personally felt like she deserved a āreal nameā as opposed to simply a nickname (though we love [name_f]Zuzu[/name_f]). We considered naming her simply [name_f]Zuzu[/name_f] ā after all, weād been calling her [name_f]Zuzu[/name_f] for weeks ā but I felt that it wasnāt enoughā¦ and 4) giving her a name that was very special and beautiful in my eyes made the loss of her life so much more real. Actually it made it hurt A LOT more. Fun thing? Of course not. Healthy, ultimately good, helpful thing? Yes, I think so. [name_f]My[/name_f] baby is a person who deserves to be grieved, and to me, giving her a special name is an acknowlegment of her worth. (If youāre interested, you can read my miscarriage story and more naming thoughts on my blog: Losing Susannah | Peace, Love, & Spit Up
Hugs to you, mama. Iām so sorry. I hope this reads as I intended it ā what worked and was healing for ME, not as a prescription for what you āshouldā do. Please listen to your heart and proceed in whatever way feels right for your family. XOXO.
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Thank you for your kind words. I also feel in my heart that my baby was a girl. I āknewā with both of my other children. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband also thinks it was a girl, but says he doesnāt want to give a girlās name if we have a little boy in [name_f]Heaven[/name_f]. I donāt want to use my chosen name of [name_f]Alice[/name_f]. I have dreams of having her one day. This was a wonderful surprise as my husband didnāt want to have more children. Now, I feel desperate to have another. [name_f]My[/name_f] miscarriage ended in emergency and it seems everyone is only concerned about me, while I am only grieving for my baby. Iāve been searching for a name that I connect with using, but it doesnāt seem to be happening. For now, I will keep searching and pondering.
I understand your feelings. I also āknewā with my son, that he was a boy, and that made me feel like I could trust that I was right about this baby being a girl. We also asked that same question your husband did, āwhat if we give her a girl name and then find out in [name_f]Heaven[/name_f] that our angel baby is actually a boy?ā We went ahead with a decidedly feminine name, but I totally understand NOT doing that. There are some helpful threads here if you do an advanced search on the Nameberry forums with suggestions for unisex names and/or names with lots of menaing if you like those ideas.
I completely understand the desperation to have another baby; I am feeling that keenly myself. [name_f]My[/name_f] pregnancy was also a surprise. I wouldnāt say my miscarriage ended in emergency, but I did lose a scary amount of blood and I can identify with what you are saying about people focusing on asking about YOU, when your thoughts and feelings are dominated by your baby 
I think itās okay to not find a suitable name right now. Or ever, though Iām hopeful you do find the right name for this baby IF your heart desires to name this baby. I hope and pray you get your [name_f]Alice[/name_f] someday. It is such a lovely name. One of my favorites.
I am so sorry for your loss. Suffering a miscarriage was the hardest experience of my life. Losing a baby to miscarriage is a true and genuine LOSS, and there are so many complicated feelings that accompany it. So again, Iām so sorry you are going through this.
Your question has no right or wrong answer. Everyone is different, and everyone grieves differently. We did make the choice to name our baby the name we were intending her to have ([name_f]Violet[/name_f]). I also got a [name_f]Willow[/name_f] Tree angel figurine (it is a very simple angel holding a baby) and wrote my daughterās name and the date we lost her on the bottom of it. It gave me assurance that she wouldnāt be forgotten.
But I do want to reiterate that thereās no right or wrong way to handle this difficult loss. I hope you find your own peace.
Iām really sorry for your loss. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother suffered a still birth when I was sixteen, so I know how hard it is to be expecting someone to grow your family and then they never arrive. I feel like naming a miscarried child is very personal, I had a friend in college who had a miscarriage and didnāt want to name her baby so I understand that itās not for everyone. In my motherās case she did name the baby; she had to deliver my brother early when they couldnāt find his heartbeat, so he was still born not miscarried. He was named Papageno, a special name that has a lot of meaning for my mother in particular. [name_f]My[/name_f] motherās name is used in The [name_u]Magic[/name_u] Flute by [name_m]Mozart[/name_m], as is Papageno; he is the bird catcher so it has a special meaning now that heās up in the sky.
Maybe you could search for names with meanings that are close to your heart, or something to do with heaven (if you believe). [name_f]Celeste[/name_f] is one name that I know of that has a meaning like that, but Iām sure there are others.
Again, Iām deeply sorry for your loss, and I hope that you can take the time to heal properly and find the perfect name for your angel.
Edited for privacy.
Firstly Im sorry for your loss 12 weeks or 11 weeks for the other berry to me is considered the time where you tell everyone as it was a baby.
So in my case i think iām not totally sure but when i didnāt have a period for 9 weeks i assumed i was pregnant and picked up a test to do that evening when home. We did go home and i forgot about i felt really rough and decided to take the test in case it was sickness well i got up and had the feeling of blood and went to the loo quickly to find that i was right and for someone who was never late i considered it to be a baby that was not meant to be we named that baby ā[name_f]Starr[/name_f]ā i chose a name that wasnāt a name we had chosen. I see it as starr in the sky and i also felt it to be a girl hence the starr name part. 
i would say unisex just incase you were not sure on the boy or girl side of things.
Hugsā¦ x
I truly believe that if you feel that the baby was a girl, go ahead and give her a girlās name. If someday you are surprised by meeting your son in heaven, I am absolutely positive that he will understand and not be upset that you believed he was a she.
I have seen naming the baby after a miscarriage be very helpful to friends in processing their grief. I even know a woman who just recently named the baby she miscarried over a decade ago, she said this helped her to finally be able to deal with the loss.
If you didnāt want to do this, that would make perfect sense as well, since there is no one right way to grieve. But if the only thing that is preventing you is not knowing the babyās sex, I think that you are absolutely right to go with your heart- if you believe that you were carrying a daughter, go with that.
I wrote a [name_u]Berry[/name_u] Juice blog about this called āThe Origins of [name_u]Owen[/name_u].ā
So, I did name both my very briefly conceived children: [name_u]Owen[/name_u] [name_u]Michael[/name_u] [name_m]Russell[/name_m] and [name_f]Cordelia[/name_f] [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] [name_f]Marjorie[/name_f].
These were the names I would have named them had they reached fruition. Because of the intensity of my grief, I did not officially give them those names until a few years had passed.
Those tiny grains of rice were as real to me as if they made it. I see [name_u]Owen[/name_u] and [name_f]Cordelia[/name_f] and follow their progress as though they were allowed to live on earth.
There is no right and wrong with this.
There is no need to name a lost baby, unless you feel a need.
There is no reason to criticize anyone who does, because it is a personal matter.
For us, it has been a blessing.
Best wishes to you.
[name_u]Leslie[/name_u]
Iām sorry for your loss. I feel like naming an angel baby is something personal. I feel like if you need to name him or her to with the grieving process them all means go for it. I have an angel baby that I loss when I was 18. We decided on a name together but I donāt disclose it to others. Itās just our way of communicating to each other about it.
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I think the decision of whether to give your child a name is one only you and your husband can make.
I think naming your baby will help you grieve ā but also to remember.
I know women who have named their miscarried babies, and I know women who have not. It is up to you. I think many parents name miscarried children ā but often, we donāt hear about it.
If you donāt feel like you know the childās gender, you could go with a neutral name. Personally, I love [name_u]Shiloh[/name_u], which means āpeace.ā [name_u]Haven[/name_u] is another favorite.
Other suggestions:
[name_u]Brook[/name_u]
[name_u]Cedar[/name_u]
[name_f]Dawn[/name_f]
[name_u]Eden[/name_u]
[name_m]Gabriel[/name_m]/[name_f]Gabrielle[/name_f] (It means āGod is my strength,ā and the male and female versions of this name sound so similar.)
[name_u]Haven[/name_u]
[name_u]Harmony[/name_u]
[name_f]Honor[/name_f]
[name_f]Mercy[/name_f]
Merit, [name_u]Merritt[/name_u]
[name_u]River[/name_u]
[name_u]Rowan[/name_u]
[name_u]Sage[/name_u]
[name_u]Shiloh[/name_u]
[name_u]Sky[/name_u]
[name_f]May[/name_f] you find strength and peace.
Iām so sorry to hear about your loss. I had 2 miscarriages last year. I named both of them. One at 14 weeks the other at 6 weeks. I used unisex names that I had always loved despite not caring for unisex names in general. [name_u]Carlin[/name_u] [name_u]Avery[/name_u] for the first one and [name_u]Quinn[/name_u] for the second one. I found it helpful for me to be able to refer to a childās name rather than āthe miscarriage.ā But, as others have stated, thereās no ārightā way to deal with loss. [name_f]Do[/name_f] what feels right for you & support your partner while they do the same. Good luck to you on the naming issue and good luck on your journey back to peace.
Ugh! [name_m]Just[/name_m] talked to husband and he doesnāt want to use a girls name since we didnāt know the gender. I had decided on [name_f]Mary[/name_f]. It is one of my favorite names with family meaning on both sides.I looked on behind the name and [name_f]Mary[/name_f] has the possible meaning of āwished for childā or ābelovedā.
He wants to use a unisex name. I detest unisex names. Iāve looked through several lists and I still hate them all. Iāll give an update later.
Hun what about angel?/ Its both a boy and girls name, and it will of course be your little angel x
[name_u]Haven[/name_u]?
[name_f]Lux[/name_f]?
[name_u]Quinn[/name_u]?
[name_u]Shiloh[/name_u]?
[name_u]Phoenix[/name_u]?
Iām so sorry for your loss.
I had a miscarriage in 2012. In myself I know the baby we lost was a boy. Before I even had children I felt that I would never hold a baby boy of my own. We decided to name the baby we lost. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband left the choice mostly up to me but we did discuss it. We chose [name_u]Phoenix[/name_u]. For the personal meaning it holds for my husband and I. Itās not a name we would have chosen as part of our sibset but it was on my GP list and just felt right.
choose a name you can carry with you in your heartsā¦to remember fondly with love, she is your family, and i am sure you have a name for her already from the day you knew of herā¦it can be anything and it can even change if you like laterā¦part of healing is accepting and before that is naming your babyā¦it is a step that will help you in your life togetherā¦sometimes it is good to choose one that comforts youā¦names that mean for example, god is with us, light of heaven, love, darling, cherished one, heart, light, happy, peaceful, safe, precious, gentle, sweet, star, bright, shine, belovedā¦
it can even be a wordā¦doesnt have to be a nameā¦just a word to trigger a sense that your baby is safe and happy and with you everywhere you go
you can each choose a different name or word tooā¦healing means different things to each personā¦no rules with these thingsā¦whatever feels good is good.
you can call her mary, and he can choose a name, and you can combine them to make one beautiful nameā¦like a first and middle, where you each use your name as the first and the others as the middleā¦stay close together by putting your names together, everyones heart feels uniquely and rightly so, it is a blessing that you have eachother and you can help one another heal much faster and stronger than if alone
im sending you a sunshining hug and healing power so that you will grow stronger again, and healthy, and raise your beautiful future family together, knowing how precious life is, and your children will feel that love every dayā¦
hope you sleep well, and make sure to eat enoughā¦
i believe it is very healing to stick to traditions like this for your babyā¦every baby needs a name, even if only you knowā¦this way you feel more complete, like you have done all you could, it will help give you peace, and you have a beautiful name to hold dear