I’m going to start off by saying that this situation is hypothetical, but the people and circumstances are real.
I met a little girl while visiting family this weekend. She stays at a family member’s daycare. Her family life is questionable. [name_m]Just[/name_m] the week before she had a life threatening medical emergency and a family member told me she was worried the little girl would wind up in foster care due to negligence.
[name_f]My[/name_f] mother made the statement, “I would adopt her” Which led me to an interesting question. If I were the one who adopted her (again - totally hypothetical. I am NOT adopting this child)…would I change her name? Obviously, there are valid arguments on both sides of the adoption name change debate. Its a heated subject. But I’m more interested in this particular case.
Her name is [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f]. Google [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f]. [name_m]How[/name_m] many “[name_u]America[/name_u]'s Worst [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Names” lists is [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f] on? Almost all of them. [name_m]How[/name_m] do people describe it?
“Trashy”, “made-up”, “awful”, “low class”.
The overall negativity that hangs above this name is astounding.
So, in a hypothetical situation, would you change [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f]'s name? (She is less than 2 years old)
I have been mulling this over and cannot find an easy answer.
Should you rob a child of her birth name even if it means giving her a new beginning with a name that has more positive energy?
A similar question…would you rename a [name_m]Cohen[/name_m]?
(I realize this topic can quickly become a debate. Please don’t make it into one. I ask that we all respect each other’s opinions on this difficult subject and realize that there is no right answer. Thank you so much)
I don’t think I would change her name. It may not be a name you like, or others, but that is how this little girl identifies herself. If she was a baby, it could be an option, but older than a year I don’t think it would be right.
Hypothetical, if it were this girl in particular, she would be going through a few emotional changes, changing her name would make her even more confused I think.
If I were to adopt a child under the age of two, I would change his or her first name regardless of what it was. I would retain his or her birth first name as a middle name, and change his or her surname to my husband’s.
Names reflect who we are… and to whom we most closely identify.
I know many people have handled this situation differently. That is just what I would do.
As long as the child is young enough to not to really know how to spell her name, I think I would change it to something that sounds similar but has less negativity. For example, changing [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f] to something like [name_f]Neve[/name_f] or [name_f]Eva[/name_f]. Or I might pick a name I like and move [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f] to the middle, start using both names, and slowly over time drop use of the middle name. So I might go with [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f] or [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f] and slowly work my maway to just [name_f]Mary[/name_f] or [name_f]Sadie[/name_f].
With [name_m]Cohen[/name_m] under the same circumstances (too young to really know how to spell his name), I would probably change it to something [name_m]Conan[/name_m] or [name_m]Cole[/name_m].
I guess it would depend on the situation. If the child is young enough I see no reason to not change the child’s name. Or, if the child is older give them the choice if they want to change their name or not. Another idea would be to give them a new first name and move their original first name to the middle.
I agree with Renrose, [name_f]Niamh[/name_f] is very similar sounding so that would be an option…or changing it to [name_f]Eva[/name_f] (I’m pronouncing [name_f]Neveah[/name_f] like Neev-ah)
In terms of the great adoption name changing debate, I believe it’s important to keep your childs heritage/culture attached to them (particularly for international adoption) - for example keeping their chinese name as a middle ie. [name_f]Emma[/name_f] QingLu
It depends on what their name is to be honest. If I happened to adopt a little [name_f]Millie[/name_f], [name_f]Freya[/name_f], [name_f]Sophie[/name_f], etc, then no, I wouldn’t change it. However, if I adopted a little one with two names I dislike, and no plausible nicknames, then I likely would relegate their given names to the middle spot, and give them a new first.
Big difference between adopting a 2 year old and an 8 year old. An 8 year old has has time to identify with his/her name…a 2 year old…not so much. I would change her name to something with a similar sound. Changing it to [name_f]Neve[/name_f] or something like it would be completely acceptable. It’s not even a reflection on you it’s more of a reflection on her…I know I wouldn’t want to grow up with one of the “worst names in [name_u]America[/name_u]”.
You mentioned [name_m]Cohen[/name_m]. Unless there is a true blue reason to change his name…like it’s your other child’s name or an ex boyfriend or something…I wouldn’t change it. Again, depends on age. If [name_m]Cohen[/name_m] is an infant then you have options.
I’ve thought about this actually and here is what I decided. I would move the child’s first name into the middle name spot with the middle name that was already given. I would give the child an good first name that I felt wouldn’t ever cause harm to said child and obviously give the child my last name. The reasoning behind this is that the giving of a name is a spiritual thing, a part of claiming a child as ones own. This would only apply to children under 4. In the case of [name_m]Cohen[/name_m] I would simply remove the name entirely and replace with something like [name_m]Callum[/name_m] and just hope he didn’t notice :-/ there are cases when the name just isn’t a child’s to have. Over 4 it would have to be discussed with the child. These types of situations come up and there are times when its ok. I think a little [name_f]Mary[/name_f] is going to have a better life than [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f] sad but true.
@jamjam I totally agree with a name being your sense of identity. But would you want to identify with a name that is so widely hated?
@mulme944 I respect that completely. I think giving a child a name is like welcoming them into your family.
@paw That is a wonderful technique I hadn’t thought about. A name from both families is a great compromise.
@renrose I had also thought about [name_f]Niamh[/name_f]! But [name_f]Niamh[/name_f] comes with its own challenges. It would be a nightmare trying to get people here to pronounce and spell it correctly.
@jtucker Moving the original to the middle seems to be a common thought!
@psalm465 This particular child’s name is pronounced “neh VAY uh”
I have always felt the same about international adoption. I have even thought it necessary to give them a name from your culture, especially if their name is very difficult to pronounce or recognize.
@lawsonhaley But what if you adopted more than one child? [name_m]How[/name_m] do you change one but not the other?
@lclauver It definitely is a totally different ball game if you get much older than 2.
This case in particular is difficult because [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f] is so hated. I wouldn’t want my child to look their name up and read half the stuff people say.
You could always spell [name_f]Niamh[/name_f], [name_f]Neve[/name_f]? I know this is only hypothetical but still!
Another option would be to emphasise that [name_f]Neveah[/name_f] is [name_f]Heaven[/name_f] in diguise…“just what you were to us” or something like that! Focusing on the positive of it all
For a child this age, I’d tell her Nevaeh was a nickname, then tell her the truth when she’s old enough and why I changed it. I thought of [name_f]Neve[/name_f] and [name_f]Eva[/name_f] as well, and [name_f]Eva[/name_f] [name_f]Niamh[/name_f] is a beautiful socially acceptable name that she’ll appreciate more than her birth name.
I feel that the “if she were older” argument shouldn’t even be mentioned because that’s just it, she’s not older, she’s under two.
I encourage changing her name since she came from a bad family and you don’t want this beautiful child to be tarnished with a name that brings up bad memories. She’s with a better family and needs a name that associates her with said family.
[name_f]My[/name_f] oldest is my adopted daughter. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband had her in a previous relationship, gained full custody, and her birth mom signed over all rights. All because she was addicted to drugs. When she was just over a year old her dad and I got married, I adopted her within a few months, and we chose to change her name from [name_f]Elianna[/name_f] [name_f]Bianca[/name_f] to [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] [name_f]Bea[/name_f] (said like [name_f]Bee[/name_f]). There was some family who thought it was a great way to keep her birth name but give my husband and I a chance to name her what we’d like. Her birth mom lied about the pregnancy and didn’t include my husband in the naming process. Others thought it was silly and uncalled for. Might be selfish but I disliked [name_f]Elianna[/name_f] ([name_f]Ellie[/name_f]-on-uh) and wanted to name another daughter [name_f]Anna[/name_f] ([name_f]Ann[/name_f]-uh) long before I met my husband. He agreed, and we found a solution without changing [name_f]Ellie[/name_f]'s name completely. [name_f]Bea[/name_f] is to honor her birth middle name [name_f]Bianca[/name_f] and for my grandma- [name_f]Grace[/name_f] [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f] (she said it like [name_f]Bee[/name_f]-trice.)
It is a personal choice that should be between the parents with the child in mind. I think renaming to something similar is fine, or keeping the first name as a middle name or keeping the middle name. I like [name_f]Niamh[/name_f] and [name_f]Eva[/name_f], but other similar ones are [name_f]Nya[/name_f]/[name_f]Nyah[/name_f], [name_f]Nylah[/name_f], [name_f]Niva[/name_f]/[name_f]Neva[/name_f], etc.
With [name_m]Cohen[/name_m] I’d either do something similar or keep it. I honestly didn’t know the bad association until recently. Something similar like [name_m]Conan[/name_m], [name_m]Cole[/name_m], [name_m]Colton[/name_m], etc.
Sorry, I know it’s none of my business, but I was wondering why there was a large age gap between your little ones. I think that’s so sweet that you wanted to really be apart of her life and put so much thought in her name. It’s beautiful and I bet she’s very happy with you
It’s fine! People always ask, it’s not a problem. We just wanted to wait. I never wanted two in diapers. I had a miscarriage in between. When [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] was about 5. We waited that long to try because we were young when we got married and wanted to be more settled and stable before we had a second. It took awhile to recover from the loss. [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] took it hard as did my husband and I. I fell in love with [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] when I first met her. I knew her birth mom didn’t deserve her and when I got the chance to be her mom I wanted her to know how wanted and loved she was. She knows everything. It’s hard to keep things from her because she asks a million questions a day! Lol
[name_m]Add[/name_m] on…
[name_u]Baby[/name_u] number three was a wonderful surprise! However I am still trying to wrap my head around having two in diapers.
That’s great! I’m sorry for your loss, though. [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] sounds wonderful! A little talker, it’s stressful but cute! I wish you luck for the little one on the way!
I’d change the name to something similar (Naavah, [name_f]Nereida[/name_f], Navarra, etc) or put [name_f]Nevaeh[/name_f] in the middle
For [name_m]Cohen[/name_m], I would go with a similar sound ([name_u]Owen[/name_u], [name_m]Odin[/name_m], [name_u]Corbin[/name_u], etc) or find a closely related biblical name, like [name_m]Aaron[/name_m] or [name_m]Levi[/name_m]
