It just occurred to me that you ladies might be able to help me with something that has been buzzing around my mind recently…
My SO and I are currently planning our wedding for Feb next year, and we are keen to have a family… but I am struggling to settle on when to start one is best. He would be happy to say “I do” one day and have a bubs the next, but I am a lot more cautious. When we first started dating, I was of the “ew no… we have to be married for like 3 years or more first!” ilk, but I am older now (24 when we get married), and more peaceful about the prospect of becoming a mum. However, I still feel unsettled about it. [name_f]Do[/name_f] we wait 6 months? A year? 2 year? [name_m]How[/name_m] do I know that I am making the decision to say “okay, let’s do it” at the right time?
Am I over thinking it?? When did you decide to TTC, and how did you make the decision??
I think you’re gonna have to trust your gut on this one. Of course there a few things you need to consider first, like your financial situation, housing and the stability of your relationship. Other than that, you’re just gonna have to decide for yourself when you feel ready. It’s important to realise that there’s no perfect time to start ttc or have a baby. So try not to overthink it, but keep a clear head and stay responsable. If you feel you’re not ready yet, it’s better to wait. You’re only 24 years old and you’ve got plenty of time. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let anything or anyone pressure you into it.
We decided to start ttc soon after we got married. Sadly I lost our first baby, but we were blessed with our little [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m] in [name_f]April[/name_f]. We decided not to wait too long because my husband’s quite a bit older than me, and he doesn’t want to be an “old father”. Also we’d like a big family, so we figured that it’d be best if we started not too late.
That’s true. I agree that it probably is just up to “feeling ready” (but then I wonder, if I’ll ever totally feel ready!?!) I am just very much an over-organiser, so I think that is part of my worry. I want to know that it will be the right time and that it’ll all be fine. But I guess I just have to learn that I can’t plan everything down to the last detail.
Also, we are keen for a big family, so I am conscious of leaving it too long… But then, my other half is 1 of 9 (no twins or multiples) and his mum had her first at 28. That helps remind me that there is still plenty of time.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and story Xoxo
We got married back when I was 21 and now 3 years later, I’m pregnant at 25 (husband is 28)! [name_u]Baby[/name_u] will be born the month before I turn 26! I definitely recommend being married for at least a year or 2 before adding a baby to the mix, especially if you haven’t been living together before marriage! It will take some time to adjust to living with your husband!
My husband and I have been together for 6 years total (married for 3), we lived together for 5 years, but the reason we waited was because we wanted a house and to have plenty in savings. Well that happened last year, but then I was diagnosed with PCOS, so it took us almost 9 months to get pregnant!
The important thing is for you to feel ready and sometimes it helps to make a list. Write out things you want or want to do before having a baby. In the end it’s a personal decision that you have to make.
We got married when we were 22 and everyone seemed to think it was necessary to tell us when we should have kids once we got married. All we knew ourselves was that we had wanted to be married first, for at least maybe 6 months to a year, so we could adjust to marriage, living together, and other changes that occurred at that time. Some people got ridiculous…one guy said to wait 7 years! That’s what he and his wife did, so it must be perfect for everyone else. We made it to the six month mark and then I started to want to talk about trying. He wanted to wait at least a full year. Then I more or less pointed out that the baby would be born past our one-year mark but in [name_f]February[/name_f], we decided that you are never fully ready. There are a lot of factors that go into whether or not you are ready and truthfully, I don’t think anyone is ever fully ready.You can have X amount of money saved up, then need to spend it when your car breaks down. Your house may get termites, etc. But I don’t recommend just going for it for the sake of having kids. We are pretty at peace with TTC right now (first anniversary is a couple weeks away), but I would definitely recommend waiting about a year. If you think about it, depending on the number of kids you have, it could be a very long time before it is ever just the two of you again. You’ll always be someone’s parents. The little things will likely cease…the random trips, not having to find a babysitter, taking a shower with the bathroom door open, sleeping in…whatever it may be. [name_m]Trust[/name_m] me, it really is nice to be able to have some adjustment time before TTC.
I guess it really is up to you guys. I’d wait a bit and see where you are in a few months. If you are still wanting to go for it, then go for it.
Thank you @moondreams and @namergirl3 for sharing, and for your advice. It is nice to hear what has worked for others. And it also helps remind me that I’m not being terrible for not wanting kids straight away.
I find it an odd thing, as I tend to swing between “definitely no” and “definitely yes” so often (crazy hormones!) when it comes to the “do we have them soon?” But, I guess I’m happy to be patient. And I think that’s definitely worth it.
I just needed to hear my thoughts and others out loud… to help me process it. So thank you.
My partner and I are in no rush to get married as it is too expensive to have a wedding and other personal reasons. So we are TTC when we have that feeling like something/someone is missing. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you guys ever get that feeling or is my partner and I weird lol.
It just feels like we should TTC not like crazy but just go off contraception and have sex more around the ovulation window. If it takes too long then I will be a bit more pedantic but I do beleive in what ever happens happens for a reason and I was only on birth control as I felt too young and didn’t want a child before 24.
No, you’re not weird, hon. I feel that way sometimes. Not necessarily in the sense that something is “missing”… well, not in a depressing way at least. But sometimes I look at him, and I know that he is the person that I want to have a family with… and yes, I guess, in those moments I do kind of feel like children are missing from our lives. In the sense that I really do want them and soon. But I also don’t want to rush into it and wish life with just him away. [name_m]Hence[/name_m] why I find the notion of choosing when to TTC a little overwhelming at times.
From my experience swinging between “definitely no” and “definitely yes” is completely normal. I’m 25 now and DH and I plan to start TTC end of this year/early next year, but up until the last 6 months or so I vacillated wildly between feeling as ready as I thought I could be and feeling vastly unprepared.
We had a list of things we definitely wanted to happen before trying such as owning a home, being married at least a year, buying and paying off land (we plan to build a home in the next few years), having a years worth of bills in savings, paying off all debts except for the house (vehicles, student loans, etc.). I found that having concrete items on our “Must Have” list that I could check off and see our progress helped to gradually ease me into being almost always at a “definitely yes”.
While having this list and sticking to it can be difficult, i.e. we both currently “feel ready” but are choosing to hold off another 5ish months due to work and family commitments that are a part of our list, in my opinion it helped me balance the feeling of wanting kids with the realism of having the life we want for them.
I’m 31 next month. My partner an I have been living together as de-facto partners for 7 years (not married - we’re not wedding people). We’re TTC . I’m really glad that I got all that time with my partner as a couple and that I’m in a place in life where I’m 100% ready to be a mother (haha - as “ready” as anyone can be for such a rollercoaster). I’m settled in my career, we both got postgrad degrees, we’ve paid off a bit of the house, we’ve been on a few overseas holidays together, and we’re at an age where we definitely aren’t going to miss going out etc, simply because we don’t do that much anymore anyway (we’re such old fogeys). I feel like I could really support a child now, both financially and emotionally, and I wouldn’t ever feel like the child stopped me from doing anything, because I’ve done it all.
But everyone is different. There are definitely advantages to waiting and developing more stability, but there are advantages to having babies younger (fertility and energy are two that come to mind). My advice is that you just “know”, kind of how you just know when your partner is the “one”.
He would be happy to say “I do” one day and have a bubs the next, but I am a lot more cautious. When we first started dating, I was of the “ew no… we have to be married for like 3 years or more first!” ilk, but I am older now (24 when we get married), and more peaceful about the prospect of becoming a mum. However, I still feel unsettled about it. [name_f]Do[/name_f] we wait 6 months? A year? 2 year? [name_m]How[/name_m] do I know that I am making the decision to say “okay, let’s do it” at the right time?
but in [name_f]February[/name_f], we decided that you are never fully ready. There are a lot of factors that go into whether or not you are ready and truthfully, I don’t think anyone is ever fully ready.You can have X amount of money saved up, then need to spend it when your car breaks down. Your house may get termites, etc. But I don’t recommend just going for it for the sake of having kids. We are pretty at peace with TTC right now (first anniversary is a couple weeks away), but I would definitely recommend waiting about a year. If you think about it, depending on the number of kids you have, it could be a very long time before it is ever just the two of you again. You’ll always be someone’s parents. The little things will likely cease…the random trips, not having to find a babysitter, taking a shower with the bathroom door open, sleeping in…whatever it may be. [name_m]Trust[/name_m] me, it really is nice to be able to have some adjustment time before TTC.