I have been reading posts on baby name message boards for years, and one thing that I often see is people saying things like I love a name but my sister/cousin/neighbor/coworker/friend/someone you know/etc used it or something close to it. My question is, where do you draw the line when it comes to picking names? Does the popularity or rarity of the name factor into your decision? (Ex. would you be more likely to reuse [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] over something more unusual like [name_f]Lilibeth[/name_f]?)
Personally, I would never use the same name or even an extremely close name to ones that my siblings have used for their children. But my DH and I do have the name [name_f]Isadora[/name_f] on our list even with a niece who has the middle name [name_f]Isabella[/name_f]… Also, I wouldn’t use the same exact name that a cousin or close friend used; however, I would use a similar name. For example, if my cousin named her daughter [name_u]Madison[/name_u], I would still use [name_f]Madeleine[/name_f]. Personally, I wouldn’t care at all what my neighbors, coworkers, or distant friends/acquaintances named their children because those people often come and go.
I began wondering this when a girl who I knew in high school (but was never friends with) recently had a baby and I [name_f]LOVE[/name_f] the first name they chose. It made be begin thinking if I could still someday use the name or if everyone else would see that as wrong. The name is on the rarer side (out of the top 1000) which does make it trickier. We aren’t planning on TTC #2 until next summer, but I can’t get the name out of my head!!
Hmm…I know close relatives whose names have only one different letter (like [name_f]Cornelia[/name_f] and [name_f]Cordelia[/name_f]) and they are fine. I wouldn’t use the exact names that are already in the family but that’s pretty only certain rule.
I think it is fine. In my family we have people with the same name ( my brother [name_m]David[/name_m], my cousin [name_m]David[/name_m]) it has never been a problem. I wouldn’t try to name my children after my cousin’s name but if I truly loved it my family wouldn’t care. I also would not care if family members, close friends, or anybody used the name I chose. But it depends on the situation, you always check to see if its fine.
I would definitely use the name as a mn or similar name as a fn. If the person is distant (not a close friend or relative), I would consider using the actual name as a fn if I truly loved it. Personally I think people get a little too territorial about names. Of course you don’t want to go around “copying” everyone, but unless they made the name up, that name has been used before and should be considered free to the public.
I’d say that the popularity of a name would make a big difference for me.
I wouldn’t worry about naming my child [name_m]Michael[/name_m] but I’d probably be a little
more concerned about duplicating [name_m]Perseus[/name_m] in he family or group of friends.
My husband is actually more picky about not using names of other family members’ kids than I am. For example, I would happily use [name_m]Nicholas[/name_m] and [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f] for a son and daughter, but he vetoed both of them because he thinks they’re basically the same as [name_m]Colin[/name_m] and [name_f]Elena[/name_f], our nephew and niece. ([name_f]Anastasia[/name_f] gets a pass from him, even though my cousin used it for his daughter’s middle name, because it is just a middle name and it was our great-grandmother’s name.) I probably wouldn’t use an exact name of a family member’s/close friend’s child, but variations or similar sounding names are totally up for grabs in my book.
To me it’s less about there being a specific line somewhere, and more about wanting to have a good story about where the name comes from. “I decided to copy this other person I knew” isn’t really the story anyone wants to tell about a name. (But for some reason, my dad’s story - that he met a little girl on an airplane with my name and thought it was really pretty - works just fine for me).
I think using a name of someone you knew in high school used could work, if it’s like “When ___ named her child the name really struck me as a great name, and then after that everywhere I heard it I realized how much I liked it and how much it fit for our family,” but only if you really are going to hear the name as a name somewhere else. If your high school classmate named her daughter [name_f]Apple[/name_f], you’re probably out of luck.
I think the more rare a name is the more difficult it is to “reuse” it without being seen as a “stealer”
Also, the closer you are (and how close your child will be) to the name is also important.
It’s really hard to say where the line is when it’s such an ambiguous topic.
In the situation you’re talking about, do you ever see or talk to this person who used the name you like? [name_m]Just[/name_m] because someone is the acquaintance of an acquaintance doesn’t make a name out of bounds, no matter how unique! I mean, given 6 degrees of separation there would be hardly any names you could use.
My cousin actually named her daughter the same name as my niece, and it didn’t bug anyone. And my sister’s name is shared by a cousin. Granted we never see them and the names are relatively popular, but still! I personally wouldn’t use first names from my immediate family, but middle names are up for grabs as far as I’m concerned.
If it was someone I vaguely knew (facebook friends sort of status), if I was worried about it I might craft a polite but clear Facebook message when I was pregnant and knew it was a girl and was close to my due date saying hey, I’ve loved your daughter’s name since even before I knew you used it and I just wanted to give you a heads up that I’m having a girl soon and X name is at the top of your list. I hope you’ll feel complimented rather than irritated if you hear that we decided to use it.
Nobody owns names, so it’s really only an interpersonal thing.
Popularity, as in the actual value assigned to the name on a popularity chart, doesn’t matter to me at all. I don’t take it in to account, but I tend not to go for popular names anyway, and most of my favourites aren’t on the SSA top 1000 (but some are crazy popular in Spain).
[name_m]Even[/name_m] if there is a less common alternative to a name I adored, it really depends on the names themselves as to whether or not I’d go with a less common option.
For example, my cousin’s daughter’s name is [name_f]Emily[/name_f]. I think [name_f]Emily[/name_f] is lovely, and I’m still not tired of it. If it was the only name my SO and I could agree on, I’d go for it… except that my cousin’s daughter is named [name_f]Emily[/name_f] so that makes it an automatic out for me (then again, my cousin and my mom have the same first and last names, and they’ve survived just fine).
If I loved [name_f]Emilia[/name_f] and my SO agreed, then that could be an option, but if he would agree to something like [name_f]Eleni[/name_f], I’d be all over that however, I love [name_f]Eleni[/name_f] more than [name_f]Emily[/name_f] to begin with.
Most of the time, if I love the popular name I like it for a reason and other similar names don’t appeal to me anyway.
In terms of using a name you love that an acquaintance from years ago happened to use, too, I wouldn’t worry. Nobody has eternal “dibs” on a name Repeating names within families can get confusing, but repeating names between former high school classmates’ children who don’t interact, I’d use the name I love, especially if you don’t interact with your former schoolmate.
I’m actually not 100% sure where I draw the line. I wouldn’t want to upset anyone by using a name they used or a very similar name or even one they wanted to use but decided against for whatever reason. But, sometimes a name is the name. My nephew’s middle name is [name_m]Patrick[/name_m] and my husband and I will still use it anyway if we ever have a son. It just has too much significance to us to abondon it because of a middle name (we met on St. [name_m]Patrick[/name_m]'s day, it’s a family name on my husband’s side, it was my mother’s foster family’s surname, we both like it - that’s trouble enough sometimes), plus we have had it picked out since before my nephew was born. Before my sister met her husband even! I personally don’t think it matters at all if you use the same name as someone who is pretty much just an acquaintance, like someone you knew in high school or a co-worker you aren’t really friends with, etc. I’d think twice about reusing a name used by close friend or family member, though, unless it’s a family name to begin with (my daughter’s middle name is [name_f]Lucille[/name_f] after my grandmother, but if any of my cousin’s decide to use it when they have kids that would be fine with me; she was a woman worth honoring).
however, I love [name_f]Eleni[/name_f] more than [name_f]Emily[/name_f] to begin with.
Repeating names within families can get confusing, but repeating names between former high school classmates’ children who don’t interact, I’d use the name I love, especially if you don’t interact with your former schoolmate.