Another question for y’all. My husband and I decided a long time ago that we didn’t want to choose honor names for our kids…at least not the names of living relatives…because of how dramatic our relatives can be. They would definitely be offended if their particular sides weren’t honored. eyeroll Fast forward to more recent times, when we are actively TTC… It turns out that nearly every name we like is a family name, for either one or both of us! Total coincidence, but the realization was met with quite a bit of annoyance from the both of us. Now, the good news is that some of the names are from a few generations back and I’m sure that some relatives wouldn’t even know about them.
Going to the main issue…I guiltily prefer names from my side over those from his. My husband hasn’t said anything about it, but I do worry that, by advocating for my favorite names and getting to use them (potentially), I will hurt my husbands feelings or that we will end up with a bunch of kids whose names come from just my side and not something more equal.
Am I overthinking this?? For those of you who are considering using or have used honor/family names, how did you decide which side to choose from? As a sidenote, I don’t go for the “well, they will have his last name so they need part of you,” argument. I struggled with believing that for awhile but reached the conclusion that, while I still like the idea of using names that reflect my culture, I don’t agree with it wholeheartedly. When we got married, his surname became our surname…it’s just as much mine as it is his.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you prefer those names because they come from your side, or do you actually just prefer the sound of those names and the fact that they are found on your side of the family is just coincidence?
I think there’s a difference between choosing names as “honour” names, specifically because you want to pay tribute to a beloved aunt or grandfather, and liking names that just happen to crop up in your family tree. If you’re choosing names that you might otherwise not have considered specifically to pay tribute to family members and being explicit about that, then I think it’s nice to have a bit of balance between the two sides of the family so that one side doesn’t feel favoured/neglected.
However, if the names you like anyway just happen to also appear in your family tree then I think you should just use them and not talk about them as an “honour” choice. Like you say, your families may not even notice or be aware of the family connection. Looking at your signature (some beauties in there, btw!), traditional names like [name_m]Timothy[/name_m], [name_u]James[/name_u], [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f] and [name_f]Claire[/name_f] probably crop up in most people’s family histories at some point.
I get your concern but as long as you genuinely love the names you want to use beyond any ties to family history, then you shouldn’t worry too much about it, and I doubt your families will get het up about it if you don’t make a big deal of the “honour” aspect.
I would really like to endorse @katinka’s well thought and worded response. ‘Total coincidence’ are the focal words.
As to whose side of the family the names also occur in is an individual matter for each family I would imagine. Perhaps speaking openly to your husband, as you have here, will elicit any concerns he may have. Your integrity to want to be fair may have come up because you have started to think and refer to them as honor names instead of just names you like as @katinka says.
So yes I think you are over-thinking this only in the sense that you have forgotten you are ‘not’ using honor names and then alleviate any concern about dominating occurrences in one or the other families by discussing it with your husband. I know we would pick the name we like first and worry who else has/d it later. Very best wishes.
I agree with the others. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t think of it as honoring someone just because you like a name someone else has. I personally don’t want to use the names of anyone living as a first name for my children. My daughter’s name doesn’t honor anyone, but as a coincidence my uncle had a wife named [name_f]Naomi[/name_f]. She died when I was young so I don’t remember much about her. We just both liked the name [name_f]Noemi[/name_f]. Her middle name honors his Aztec heritage more than a specific person.
For our next child, I want to use a form of [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] after my grandfather who is sick. A boy will have the first name [name_m]Zenon[/name_m] after my husband’s grandfather who passed away. A girl will have the first or middle name of [name_f]Josefina[/name_f]. A like a lot of the names on his side of the family, but I will not use them because I don’t want my child to have the same name as someone else in the family.
I agree with katinka.
of course from the other side, My name list leans to names from my family. I have put forth names from his family, but he keeps picking others instead. Honestly his mother was right about there not being many good names. sometimes that happens, where there just aren’t many good choices on one side. I would ask if he has an issue with it if you decide they are honor names. really, talking about it is the best way to figure out if there is even a problem there to solve.
