Who Should Get Ultimate Say

Obviously the ideal situation would have both parents loving the name their child gets, but what if they don’t agree? Which parent should get the final say?

Maybe one gets the first name and the other gets the middle name?

Or, parent one makes a list of first names, parent two makes a list of middles, swap lists and each one chooses from the others lists?

Or whoever is the bossiest or can argue their case the best?

Whoever carries the baby?

Arm wrestle? Battle of wits?

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I’d like to imagine they could compromise somehow or agree on a name eventually, but in the end I suppose the one who births the child should get the real final say. In the case of infant adoption or something like that though… I have no idea lol. [name_m]Rock[/name_m] paper scissors? :rofl:

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If you really did have to choose someone to get the ultimate say, then mom. She’s the one that had to push the baby out. But I agree with others that they should try to compromise!

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You guys are funny :rofl:

If there was absolutely no way to compromise, probably the parent who would be spending more time with the child. If this means the person carrying the baby because they carried the baby, then they are who should get the final say in the name.

Edit: However, I firmly believe that there is a name for every child out there that both parents can agree on, and it’s just a matter of finding it!

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They should compromise. If both parents are going to be present in the life of the child, I think it would be pretty unfair to let only one parent decide the name.

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If they don’t agree, I think they should ditch their options and decide on a new name. If that still goes terribly, points to the birth giver :slight_smile:

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My inclination is to say the mother. She did just carry the baby for 9 months - for us name nerds anyway, naming the baby after it all is like a little pot of gold at the end of a rainbow! However, I don’t think this is a black & white, yes & no question that can be answered that simply.

Which parent cares about names more? Is the father OBSESSED with names, whereas the mother doesn’t really care? I’d say the dad should pick in that scenario.

Does the mother have a super important honor name that has been carried on for generations? Then it should be her pick!

My SO loves names, but he doesn’t have an (ahem) 15-day read time on Nameberry. I wouldn’t pick a name he hates, and of course, he will have a major say, but at the end of the day… I think I’ll be the one writing the name on the birth certificate. :wink:

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I don’t think giving birth means you get the final say in naming. Why would it? If you believe in raising the child together as equals, then that decision should be equal, too.
That you want to pick a name you’re eager to use as a treat after the troubles of pregnancy and birth is an argument you can use with your partner, but if it doesn’t convince them, you don’t get to ignore their opinion. The same goes for family traditions, long-time name crushes, “I care more about names than you do” etc. All strong arguments in your shared decision-making process. None give you the right to overrule your partner.
As boring as it sounds, I say you have to keep discussing until you agree on something.

“One picks the first, one picks the middle” can work, but only in the specific case that one parent wants name A and one wants name B. If the disagreement is on the spelling, order, or number of names (or one parent wants name A and the other literally anything other than name A), that approach doesn’t work. And it’s usually a weak compromise anyway, as only one of the names will get used every day.
(I know a case where the parents actually both proceeded to call the daughter by their respective preferred names, but the father left not to long after so she just ended up going by her middle name because that’s what her mother used and it worked, and then later in school she used both names. I’ve also heard of another case where being called by different names confused the child to no end.)

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