why do people care so much?

yeah, i’m not telling the name until he’s born… why do people get so mad about it? i can’t count how many “that’s not fair” comments I’ve gotten from people who i’m not even very close with. get over it. you’ll find out soon enough. i’m not telling people because i don’t want any negative feedback. i’m very confident in my choice, but i have a feeling a lot of our family won’t like it at first. I just don’t want to hear about it because i know they’ll all love it once he’s born.

what really made me mad yesterday was this girl that i don’t even like found out i’m not telling the name and she acted like that was just the stupidest, weirdest thing ever. i was about to smack her.

They care because you’re depriving them of their God-given right to ridicule your choice. :slight_smile: We avoid the confrontation by saying that we haven’t decided yet. Part of it is that we don’t want to tell people, and part of it is that I don’t commit well. It runs in the family; my sister said for eight months her baby’s name would be [name]Caitlyn[/name]; then, a week before the baby was born, she was watching “A [name]Baby[/name] [name]Story[/name]” on TV and [name]Caitlyn[/name] suddenly became Carrington. I don’t want people monogramming things and locking me in.

I suppose in most cases it starts out as interest. I know you’re probably not wanting to hear this, but [name]HOW[/name] are you telling them that you’re waiting until the birth to share the name? They might be responding to your tone. I know it’s your right not to share the name until you are ready, but saying to someone with a smile, “[name]Ah[/name], we’re not telling until Bubs arrives, just in case we decide to change it,” comes across much better than a scowl, “We’re not telling ANYONE until the BIRTH.” Maybe I’m completely wrong on this one, but if everyone is responding in the same way, maybe it’s more about how you’re saying it than what you’re saying.

And as for why they ask… well, in my case, I’m dying to know what my pregnant colleague is planning to call her baby, because I’m secretly terrified that she’s going to use the one name I’ve had my heart set on for eight solid years. I’d still probably use it, but I’d feel like I was copying even though I’d know I wasn’t. Not to mention that she’s the sort of person who would give me the cold shoulder for the rest of my time in the job if I was to use the same baby name as her. So yeah, maybe in some of these cases, particularly those of young women, maybe they want to know because they’re afraid that you’re going to use a name that they themselves desperately want to use. We ladies do tend to get rather touchy about the names we’ve picked for our little ones!

EDITED TO [name]ADD[/name]: This is not to say that I think you’re wrong in keeping it to yourself - I agree with you, and won’t be sharing my future children’s names until they are born either. But people sometimes have reasoning beyond being nosy. And some are just nosy.

Nobody (outside of my husband, our twins, my best friend and her husband, my parents, and his parents) even knew I was pregnant until I started showing. I found out the gender, but didn’t tell anyone beyond the aforesaid 9. I only discussed names anonymously on nameberry and with my husband, children, and friend. I think it’s nice to surprise everyone with the baby’s name and gender. Otherwise it’s like, “Oh, yeah, [name]Vera[/name] [name]Adelaide[/name] was finally born” instead of “Did you hear? The baby finally came, she’s a girl, and they named her [name]Vera[/name] [name]Adelaide[/name]!” And people need to stop being so sensitive when you tell them you’re waiting to tell everyone who your little baby is. The kid’s going to have enough time in the world. Let her remain anonymous for a while!

nearlyalegume, haha, i can see why you would think that i say it rudely, but honest to goodness, i don’t! i’m normally not very secretive about anything, so that’s probably thrown people off. plus, i know a lot of really nosey people. i read my mom the section in “Beyond J&J, M&M” about not telling the name until the baby is born, and that really made her get on board. and i’ve explained to my husband’s side of the family that we don’t want to be swayed by everyone else’s opinions, because EVERYONE has a different opinion (and most people we know have very different taste in names than we do); and that we don’t want a bunch of personalized stuff (which i know for a fact my [name]MIL[/name] was planning on getting), in case we change our minds when we meet him. i think it’s fun to have a little secret… my husband is excited that he gets to announce the name when he’s born… and i’m sure everyone will love it since they’ll automatically associate it with him.

I’m in this same boat! [name]Even[/name] when I was pregnant with my daughter. My husbands side of the family made a BIG deal about when I wanted to keep my daughter’s name a secret! =/ They deff made it hard for me and swayed my opinion on names. Esp. when my [name]MIL[/name], Aunt & others thinks it’s their job to “help” name OUR children!! What is that I understand they’re excited and what not but why must they tell me all the names they love? It drives me nuts! Yes, I love baby names and all but come on! They had there time on naming their kids, it’s OUR turn! But I’m too nice and don’t say anything. So, that is why this time around I don’t want to know the sex and OUR baby names are a secret! They always have to butt in and give their opinion when it’s just not fair because they even tell me if I named him/her [name]Cinderella[/name] they will love it! (no worries that is not one of my names) Plus, I think it’s exciting to have it be a surprise! And Hubby cant tell everyone the sex & the name. But I love when my [name]MIL[/name] doubts that we will keep the sex a surprise because it makes me want to not know the sex even more! Plus, I changed my daughter’s name 20x so I know I will with this baby! & it will be much nicer due to the fact we won’t have people say “Aww [name]Amelia[/name] is gone? What she was really becoming an [name]Amelia[/name] to me!” It annoyed me to know ends! That is was like a sin to chnage my daughters name so much…boy I never knew this whole baby naming thing could be so hard! It’s not the names it’s more the family & unwanted opinions about all the names they like/love or hate! So come [name]August[/name] they will know! This is going to be one ride I will never forget!:slight_smile:

I have to say in response to the poster who said she was terrified her pregnant colleague would pick the same name I had a very similar incident with a very unusual name so I’m glad I told!

In my case, my coworker was six weeks ahead of me and did not know or want to find out the gender. I did find out the gender and when she asked me and I told her the name ([name]Anneliese[/name]) her face went white and she said that if her baby was a girl she was naming it [name]Anneliese[/name] after a german relative. Well, I prayed that she would have a boy and guess what–she had a GIRL and she named it [name]Annalise[/name], so I had to be creative with the spelling when my daughter came along 6 weeks later. But then I had to explain to the whole damn building that I didn’t copy off of her! It was a first time mother’s nightmare!!!

Wow, that’s an awful coincidence – SUCH an unusual name. It’s definitely easier if the name is really classic like [name]Kate[/name] or really popular so there are lots of other Jadens around, not just your two.

well think about it, its more fun if the baby’s name is announced when it is born…it would be like more happy, like ’ presenting lillian marilyn’ or …‘heres lillian’

I am due in [name]May[/name] and get the same thing. I just tell them we have changed our mind’s so many times we don’t want to say. With my last pg, we gave out a few names we sort of liked but knew we would not choose and that satisfied most people! [name]Imagine[/name] how mad they were when we kept the sex a surprise as well!

Everybody is a name nerd. Seriously.

I know this is an old thread, but I worked briefly with someone last year who was pregnant and wouldn’t tell the name, she said she and her husband wanted her son to be the first one to hear his name. I can’t remember what she did name him, except that it was on the plain and inoffensive side (like [name]Jack[/name] or [name]Christopher[/name] or something).

Anyone, though, who isn’t telling the name for various reasons, I think a good idea is to over-analyze your choice. A good way to find out if there’s anything embarrassing you overlooked is to tell someone else, so if you keep it a secret, say it out loud a lot, write it down and initials too. Listen for words in the middle of two names spoken together with and without middle names - most of their life you won’t hear those as part of the sentence. Write it down last name first and see if that’s got anything to it.

When you write, they say to get someone to proofread it before you submit it for grade or publishing. People think they are being constructive before you literally name your child too - take the place of your child for a few months and hear what others have to say. When you say you won’t tell because everyone will hate it, that preps people to expect something really horrible too, doesn’t come off in a positive way. Not everyone is trying to save you from naming your child something they hate, some of the actually hear things you might have missed. Most likely you will still love the name, but if you don’t expose it, I like the excuse I used in the example (it’s not so defensive), and test-drive the name to your ears and eyes an obsessive amount, and objectively for close calls.