Just looking for some advice to deal with name regret/ name compromise. I had my baby girl 3 months ago and we named her Anna (pronounced Ann-a). I originally wanted Joanna but my husband did not like that (I tried so hard to convince him) so before we left the hospital, we compromised with Anna. Our list of names that we both agreed on was very short, and Anna has both meaning on my side of the family (my grandmothers name was Joanne and I loved her so much) and it is a popular name in the Greek culture, which was important for my husband to honor his culture.
I love that Anna is a classic, itās timeless, it has meaning. However I never envisioned naming my daughter that and because I am having a hard time accepting the compromise, I donāt even know if I like the name Anna. Sometimes I donāt like the sound of Anna. I loved that Joanna started with the same sound as my sons name, George.
I try to force myself to use her name, and hope that with time it will get better. Some days I avoid using her name. Some times when my son talks (he is 5), he will say āand Iā or āand aā and it sounds like Anna and I get confused thinking he is mentioning Anna my daughter. Anna has the similar sound to many word combinations and I pick up on them all. Is that because I am too hyper focused on the name now? Then I have more anxiety because my brain thinks that and I panic inside, hoping I donāt feel this way about her name forever.
Iām trying to figure out if my anxiety is from the actual name itself or is it just having a second baby? Or is is because itās not Joanna and I need more
Time to accept?
There were very few names my husband and I actually agreed about (which makes me angry) and he likes her name. When I bring this up to him he responds by saying ādo you think every Anna is confused about her name?ā Ive met a few moms in town with little Annaās and they seem very happy and content with their name choice and I wish I could be too!
Any Annaās or Moms of Annaās out there?!! Have you ever thought this or experienced this? Am I just going through a rough time and I will love her name as things settle and time goes on?? Also does the nickname Anna Banana upset you?
Not a mum of an [name_f]Anna[/name_f] but what I will say is that itās a lovely name - strong, pretty and versatile. Iām only sorry that you didnāt get to use the one you really loved. It must be so hard to let go of that, esepcially as it felt so special to you. Itās worth remembering though that sheās only three months old; she hasnāt quite had time yet to make that name her own yet, to make the name [name_f]Anna[/name_f] really feel precious. Maybe reveiw the situation in another three months time when sheās had time to grow into it.
Is there a nickname you could call her maybe - something combining her first and middle name, or something not tied to her name? I know that still might feel like avoiding her name but it would be a way of her having a nickname thatās special to you?
[name_f]My[/name_f] name is [name_u]Dani[/name_u] and itās remarkable how many things sound like that, especially the phrase āand heā¦ā and the name [name_f]Annie[/name_f]. It causes confusion occasionally but itās truly never been an issue. I think youāre hyper focused on that and now noticing it everywhere (I totally understand how that happens!).
Iāve had six kids and Iād like to gently suggest that you talk to your doctor about postpartum anxiety. You mentioned being anxious enough in your post that it raised my antennae for that.
[name_f]Anna[/name_f] is a beautiful, strong, classic name. Iām hopeful that you can learn to love it!
I do think you may be focusing a little too much on the name at the moment, which is natural as thatās your daughterās name and you technically have to use it every day, however, that also doesnāt leave you any breathing space regarding figuring out if the anxiety you feel is actually rooted in the naming choice (especially as the name you had originally picked out is so similar). Youāre talking about never having imagined giving this name to your kid, which many people are, of course, faced with once they have to agree with another person on the name. Still, especially if your sonās name just fell into place, the negative feelings about your daughterās name may stem from not having gone through the same experience with her name, going for a compromise rather than your perfect choice. Without wanting to overstep here, I think before going through the process of changing her name, especially if your husband is attached to it, you may want to talk to a professional about these feelings and see where that leads you; in the meantime you could always just call your daughter by a pet name unrelated to her full name, Bug, [name_f]Birdie[/name_f], [name_f]Bee[/name_f], etc.
Thank you so much- it has been hard to accept not using that special name. Now I look at her and I canāt really picture even calling her [name_f]Joanna[/name_f] because I know how my husband feels about it. She seems to be growing in to an Annaā¦ but how long does it really take until I know for sure she is an [name_f]Anna[/name_f]?
Iām not a parent and I mean this gently: it sounds like you might be fixated on your husband not having wanted to use [name_f]Joanna[/name_f], in the way you say that not having a lot of names in common that you both liked āmakes you angryā in the present tense. Since you say youāve brought it up with him and that doesnāt seem productive, I wonder if it might be useful to see a couplesā therapist to help you have the conversation you might benefit a lot from having? (I say this as someone who visited a couplesā therapist recently myself and found it quite helpful.)
As to the name [name_f]Anna[/name_f] itself: honestly I think itās lovely and versatile and timeless, and if you had asked me how to possibly honour a beloved [name_f]Joanne[/name_f] Iām sure it would have been on my list of suggestions. [name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Banana[/name_f] seems like a harmless if potentially sort of annoying nickname to hear a lot. I like the nickname suggestions above, and I would add that there are so many [name_f]Ann[/name_f]- names out there that you could try those on for size too - [name_u]Anne[/name_u], [name_f]Annie[/name_f], [name_f]Annette[/name_f], and all the way up to [name_f]Anneliese[/name_f]. If you found that another [name_f]Ann[/name_f]- name felt better and did end up changing her name it would be a less drastic change than to most other names.
I would also vote that [name_f]Janna[/name_f] would probably be a reasonable nickname for [name_f]Anna[/name_f], and it sounds more like [name_f]Joanna[/name_f].
Thank you so much for the advice with your name! Iām glad it hasnāt truly been an issue, so Iām hoping this will be the same. I do agree Iām hyper focused and I am seeing my therapist. She does think itās a combination of postpartum anxiety and ocd with the name and part dealing with my anger/sadness of not using the original name. I am getting help and on medication, I just hope to be in a place of acceptance and peace soon, but the anxiety part makes me scared I wonāt.
For what itās worth, I think itās truly beautiful. I tend to sway a little more offbeat with my choices but [name_f]Anna[/name_f] is a name Iāve always loved. Itās a perfect choice. Sweet on a little one but elegant on a grown up, classy but not stuffy, easy to say and spell, international, pleasingly symmetrical, everyone knows it but not ridiculously popular. I think itās lovely.
Anna is one of those angelic, pure-hearted names that can also fit the most strikingly mysterious of women, so itās gorgeously versatile. It reminds me of apples a lotā a rosy, apple-cheeked maiden wearing a red gingham dress and carrying a wicker basket full of red apples. Or it reminds me of a little wide-eyed girl in a wool hat gazing up at a dazzling night sky. Plus, the nickname Annie is just delightful
I agree with everyone above ā it sounds like youāre hyper-fixating, so in that state, any name would become odd if one is looking to pick it apart. I can honestly say that Anna seems to be one of the most beloved names on all the name sites Iāve been on. Itās just so peppy and bright and energetic without being pretentious or frilly or overdone.
I would either meet with a private therapist or couplesā therapist about this hyper-fixation. Alternatively, since sheās only three months, you could maybe persuade your husband to go with Joanna and he just call her Anna all the time, but Iām not sure if this advice is helpful.
All I can say is that youāre not alone in feeling this way ā many parents are deeply unsure after naming a child even if itās a stellar name. However, Anna has lasted the ages and bewitched generation after generation, which speaks to its everlasting charms and powers.
Thank you for the advice. [name_f]My[/name_f] therapist does think the anxiety is a protective way to cover the subconscious anger that I have about not naming her what I wanted to last minute. Itās been so hard to process. But the advice here has been very reassuring to me
Firefly305- thank you for these absolutely beautiful words and reassurance. [name_f]My[/name_f] little girl is all of these- so sweet, pure, rosy, just a quiet but thoughtful little angel.
I agree I am picking her name apart and I hate that I am in this state . [name_m]Just[/name_m] knowing how timeless it is, going from generation to generation- there is a reason for that! I just wish I felt that in my bones and can move forward and be happy/content with our choice.
[name_f]My[/name_f] middle child is [name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Virginia[/name_f]. She is 23 years old now and absolutely loves her name. We have never had an issue with confusing the sound of it with other common phrases or words. She has had the inevitable [name_f]Anna[/name_f] Bananaās thrown her way but it never bothered her or us. We named [name_f]Anna[/name_f] as an honor name and that in itself is why she treasures it so much. But she also loves it for the reasons others have statedā¦ classic, timeless, simple, feminine but not frilly, etc. FWIW - she has also had the nicknames of [name_u]Coco[/name_u] and JuJu (donāt ask me whyā¦ my husband gives all of our kids strange nicknames totally unrelated to their names lol ). So I second the suggestion of maybe having your own sweet special nickname for you to call her. Maybe even JoJo??? [name_u]Or[/name_u] if she has a middle name you love, perhaps you can use that. Anyway, from one Anna-mother to anotherā¦ I hope that is of some help for you. Good luck.
In that case a little more time and being kind to yourself about the situation may be the most important factors then; I can imagine how difficult it must be to feel like you have to accept the fact that thatās her name, perhaps trying to twist that thinking around, rather than āshe didnāt get the name I wantedā to āI did very well, I gave her this beautiful classic name thatās wonderfully international, ageless and easy to wearā - making it more about your daughter and her future feelings about the name may help you disconnect the name from the expectations that were not met on your part (which is entirely fair and natural to feel).
Have you watched any movies or shows with characters named [name_f]Anna[/name_f]? I often feel that great characters make names appeal to me more than they usually would!
Iām the mom of an [name_f]Anna[/name_f]. Sheās my oldest, and I love the name. I love it so much it was really hard to name my younger daughter - I spent so much time pouring over lists trying to find another name that had the same classic, sophisticated, world-wide usability as [name_f]Anna[/name_f].
And even though I love it now, I found it hard to use her name when she was tiny. I almost exclusively called her pet names, or āLittle Annaā. Her real name just felt too big for a little baby (even though itās only 4 letters!). [name_f]Anna[/name_f] was a compromise for us too (my husband wanted [name_f]Hannah[/name_f], and I originally wanted something much more ornate), but Iām so glad we picked [name_f]Anna[/name_f].
I have never once thought someone was saying [name_f]Anna[/name_f] when they said āand aā, etc. I would bet anything thatās just your hyper awareness about the name, and it will fade over time.
I used to call my [name_f]Anna[/name_f] āAnna Bananaā, but when she was in preschool she suddenly declared she hated that nickname. A few weeks of her strong objections were all it took to make everyone in her life completely stop using that nickname!
[name_f]My[/name_f] [name_f]Anna[/name_f] likes her name. She likes that lots of other kids have names that start with A, but arenāt [name_f]Anna[/name_f]. And she really likes that itās a palindrome.
It sounds like you do like Anna, itās just that its not Joanna. And thatās really understandable! However, you do need to respect that if your partner doesnāt like it, you canāt use it.
I would suggest finding a name that you both love! That way, you love it and it doesnāt have to be a compromise.
Itās a perfectly nice name, but I think you might be a bit annoyed by the compromise and you might have to dig there further to find out why it bugs you so much. Try calling your daughter [name_f]Annie[/name_f] or [name_u]Anne[/name_u] instead of [name_f]Anna[/name_f] for like a week and see how you feel. You might just like [name_f]Anna[/name_f] on paper more and a nickname on the kid better in general, it happens.
Iām a mom to [name_f]Anna[/name_f]. Iāll echo many others saying - we love that it is timeless, classic, used world wide! I did have a similar issue to you with naming my son though, it was a compromise name and it still isnāt my favourite name, but what has helped me is reminding myself that their names really donāt have to be perfect for me - they should be usable, reasonable names that they can move through life with - which the vast majority of names are. They are their own little people and, while I wish I could have used my favourite name, ultimately their names are just fine!
[name_f]Anna[/name_f] is a lovely, wonderful name that your daughter will no doubt love as she grows.
Good luck moving forward
[name_f]Anna[/name_f] is a lovely name Iām honestly just mirroring the thoughts of the other berries [name_f]Anna[/name_f] is classy, elegant, universal choice that is so timeless. Brilliant name.
Nevertheless I completely understand about name anxiety/regret as I felt this way when I finalised the name [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] for my daughter. I never envisioned myself with a [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] this name wasnāt even on my radar I always thought I would have a [name_f]Rose[/name_f] but then loads factors came into fruition and I ended up with a [name_f]Lilia[/name_f]. It felt odd having my daughter have a name that wasnāt my name and took a while to get used to it. In the end I made a pros and cons list surrounding her name took some time out from thinking about her name and it really helped me conclude that indeed [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] is the right name for my daughter.
I would suggest taking some time out stop overthinking about her name maybe try and not use [name_f]Anna[/name_f] call the baby ābabyā for a while so you can have some breathing space. Hopefully this break will ease the anxiety/anger and any other emotion surrounding [name_f]Anna[/name_f] then revisit the name make a pros and cons list. If after this process the cons are really overwhelming too you I would go back to your OH and revisit the name. Then try and make a new list of names that could work which will hopefully help you find the new right name. However Iām hoping youāll discover that [name_f]Anna[/name_f] is the right one as sheās beautiful.
[name_f]My[/name_f] son has a compromise name. Hes 6 now, I love his name because he suits it so well and I couldnāt imagine him being the other name I was so sad to let go of. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. I think itās hard sometimes for any name to feel 100% right on a little baby but I hope as [name_f]Anna[/name_f] grows, youāll grow to love her name more and more, or at least come to a place of peace & acceptance. [name_f]Anna[/name_f] truly is a beautiful way to honour your grandmother. And by the way, as someone with a name that rhymes with [name_f]Anna[/name_f] (who got banana / spanner / montana growing up) - I can think of much worse to be called and I can honestly say itās never really bothered me!
. [name_m]Just[/name_m] knowing how timeless it is, going from generation to generation- there is a reason for that! I just wish I felt that in my bones and can move forward and be happy/content with our choice.
). So I second the suggestion of maybe having your own sweet special nickname for you to call her. Maybe even JoJo??? [name_u]Or[/name_u] if she has a middle name you love, perhaps you can use that. Anyway, from one Anna-mother to anotherā¦ I hope that is of some help for you. Good luck. 
And by the way,