I picked out the first name long ago and have pretty much decided to go with that. For the middle name, I decided to put in a 2nd choice name. I WANT the baby to go by the first name I have picked. However, a few people keep calling the baby by the middle name. They won’t stop either. I went through this on one of my older children where I gave a middle name that others preferred. Others then refused to call her by the name I had given her. Fortunately, the birth certificate had not been done yet (computer outage at the hospital) so I was able to change the middle name back to the original choice, which was a name no one would call her by.
With relatives like mine…would you change the middle name to get them to stop calling her by the middle name I currently have picked? Her name is supposed to be [name]Ava[/name] [name]Maisy[/name] and others really object to [name]Ava[/name]. In fact, there is not a single person related to me who is ok with [name]Ava[/name]. Reality is, my relatives tend to not like the names I give my children. I am afraid if everyone is calling her by her middle name that eventually, she will just never go by her first name. What do you think?
I simply wouldn’t tell them her name until she is born. If you love [name]Ava[/name] then they should be respectful. I wouldn’t change the name for them if that’s what you have chosen.
I know that my sisters have more unusual names, and very plain middles. When they were kids, my family used to call them by their middles. Once my sisters were old enough, they flat out refused to stop answering to anything but their first names.
Ultimately, her name is YOUR choice. If no one else likes it, then too bad. [name]Just[/name] explain to your family, that when they don’t use her first name it feels like you arent being respected. If all else fails, you can wait until she’s older, and tell her that [name]Ava[/name] is the name she is too be called.
I wouldn’t tell anyone her middle name right away. [name]Just[/name] make announcments that say “[name]Welcome[/name] baby [name]Ava[/name]! date, time, weight, etc”. I would also correct anyone that calls her by a name that is not her name. I named my daughter [name]Lace[/name] and didnt want any relatives to call her [name]Lacey[/name] so i taught her to say “Please dont call me that. My name is [name]Lace[/name]” She is 7 now and nobody calls her anything but [name]Lace[/name] now.
I would be very upset if people refused to call my child by the name I chose for her. I am totally shocked that anyone has a problem with the name [name]Ava[/name]. It is your child and you get to name her! That is just crazy.
I have had this issue big time with family. I can honestly say with 3 of my children, I have had relatives calling those children by different names. In one case, it did not work out for them as his middle name was a namesake of our older child who died and they did not want to call him by that. In another case, I changed the middle name to make them stop calling her that. It took a couple more months to stop them, but they did. I do have rude relatives. I think it is quite rude. I don’t really have a problem with picking a different name. It is just a pain in the tooshie because I did not really have another middle name in mind. I mean, I was trying to pick a 2nd choice from the list dh liked, but I know others will like all those names better than [name]Ava[/name]. That list is only [name]Olivia[/name], [name]Sophie[/name], and [name]Maisy[/name].
I agree that teaching your daughter to tell people to use her first name is a good idea; my mom named us [name]Jennifer[/name] and [name]Jonathan[/name], and we were taught not to accept being called by nicknames.
Also, if the rude relatives start disregarding your choice, I would start calling them by THEIR middle names (or whichever name they don’t use), and then tell them, “Well, I don’t like your other name, so I just thought I’d change it.” [name]Don[/name]'t relent until they back down.
We had this problem at first too! The funny thing is that my husband kind of saw it coming. His family is Puerto Rican and started calling my son, who is named [name]Reid[/name] by his middle name ([name]Nathaniel[/name]) but pronouncing it “na-tan-yell”. My husband was not taught Spanish growing up and so he doesn’t really have a very authentic accent. He specifically asked that we name our baby something that was not pronounced differently in Spanish so that he wouldn’t have to deal with anyone telling him that we say the baby’s name wrong.
I brought the baby home and before we knew it she was cooing and baby [name]Nathaniel[/name].
We ended up dealing with it by saying “who?” when she would say something about him using the wrong name. Eventually she gave up.
Best of luck to you dealing with this aggravating situation!
Relatives can be really weird and super hurtful. My DH’s sister called our first son “[name]Little[/name] T” for a year - even though his first name started with a J - she said she was calling him “[name]Little[/name] Tart” and had earlier said she was offended that we weren’t naming him as a “third” (my husband is a [name]Junior[/name]). What the heck?
Same child - my mother-in-law found out during pregnancy what we were going to name him (we saw no reason not to tell her), and she wrote us a long letter about how awful the name was and sent a list of names she thought were “appropriate” and ones that were “inappropriate” (including the one we had chosen). [name]Just[/name] what a pregnant woman needs to hear, right? After he was born and we still hadn’t changed his name, she tried to call him only by a nickname (that we weren’t opposed to, but we weren’t going to call him personally), but she gave up by the time he was responding to his name anyhow. It helped that she didn’t live in the same town as us, so it’s not like he was hearing her all the time.
Anyhow, we have learned NOT to share our names prior to birth, and we try to shrug off her criticisms, even though it can kind of still sting. [name]Ava[/name] is a beautiful name, and don’t let anyone try to talk you out of it.
I’m sorry you’re having this kind of trouble with your family! If you figure out how to stop them from calling your child by her middle name I’d be interested to know how you did it, because I’m anticipating similar trouble…from my DH! He is so stuck on [name]Alexander[/name], that if we have a girl he has said he is ok with me using the name I’ve saved forever ([name]Audrey[/name], after my grandma) if we can use [name]Alexa[/name] as the middle name so he can call her [name]Alex[/name] anyway! I asked if the rest of us can call her [name]Audrey[/name], and he said he doesn’t care what we call her, because he will be calling her [name]Alex[/name]. I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the other hand, he has lots of brothers but no sisters, so this might not even come up because we’ve got a much higher chance of boys and will probably end up with an actual [name]Alexander[/name] instead.
Your relatives are being really lame to have strong objections to the name [name]Ava[/name]! It’s not like it’s an offensive or odd name. The one thing I wonder is if they are calling her [name]Maisy[/name] a bit more because [name]Maisy[/name] is generally a nickname. I tend to like full formal names (like [name]Margaret[/name], which [name]Maisie[/name] is usually a nn for) or last names in the middle. [name]Maisy[/name] is just such a cute nickname that it might be more tempting than average to use. That of course in no way excuses them for taking the liberty to decide what name she gets called! I would be direct and just say, “we’re calling her [name]Ava[/name]” if they say “[name]Maisy[/name]”.
[name]Ava[/name] [name]Maisy[/name] is a beautiful name – If you both love it, don’t let anyone make you change it. I don’t have any tips for dealing with difficult family on that issue, but it is shocking to me that family members would be so rude as to blatantly tell you they don’t like the name and they will be calling her something else. That’s so awful. I think you should name her the name you love and call her what you want and insist that others do the same.
My only caveat is that when she’s older, she may decide for herself that she wants to go by a nickname of her choosing (could be [name]Maisy[/name], could be something else entirely), and you should be prepared to be okay with that, since it’s her name. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re worried about. I just thought I’d throw it out there.
Gorgeous name – don’t change it! [name]Ava[/name] will thank you!
Why on [name]Earth[/name] do they object to [name]Ava[/name]? They sound impossible to please.
[name]Don[/name]'t change the name! You could try to have them call her [name]Ava[/name] [name]Maisy[/name], if you feel like compromising. It sounds really cute as a double name. Or you could just insist they call her [name]Ava[/name] only. PP mentioned that [name]Maisy[/name] is really cute and I can imagine it would be tempting to call her that because of that (and I love [name]Ava[/name]!). It doesn’t sound like that’s really the case though, they just seem to like being contrary.
Not to make light of your situation, it is extremely rude and hurtful of your family to be doing this, but just keep in mind that they aren’t the only ones calling your daughter something. Everyone else in her life (siblings, parents, friends, acquantances, teachers, classmates, future husband, etc) will be calling her [name]Ava[/name]. It’s not like the more they call her [name]Maisy[/name], the less her name is really [name]Ava[/name]. Her name will always be what YOU decide it is, not them. Lots of grandparents and families have special nicknames for the kids in their family. You could try thinking of it like that, it could be their special name for her. I know it’s not the ideal since they’re doing it in such an unbelievably rude way.
FWIW, my uncle called my son D.B. for the first year or so of his life because he hated what I named him so much. He’s 2 now and he calls him by his name and even made up a little song about it.
Good luck! I vote for getting them to call her [name]Ava[/name] [name]Maisy[/name].
Seriously, just call them by a name they don’t go by in return. Either their middle or first, or just make one up. They’ll get the picture fast enough!