Agreed!
my best advice would be to leave, it sounds like your husband is mentally abusive.
7 Likes
It seems to me that your husband is the stubborn one. He also seems to be heavily influenced by his father. If he got to keep his tradition, he should have let you keep yours. He should have let the babyās middle name be [name_u]James[/name_u]. I have nothing against any of the names.
Iām so sorry to hear about thatā¦ I donāt want to sound like a broken record but; separate from your partner, his masculine toxicity isnāt great when it comes to raising your boy, if you donāt your son will only repeat history.
For the name, even though I personally like [name_m]Thomas[/name_m], in this situation I would change his name bc thatās way too many Thomases. I personally prefer [name_m]Peirce[/name_m] [name_m]Derrick[/name_m] [name_u]James[/name_u], nn PJ or just [name_m]Peirce[/name_m] [name_u]James[/name_u]
3 Likes
Aw how awful for you. It sounds like they are bullying you. You keep calling him [name_m]Pierce[/name_m] or you will never forgive them if they bully you into saying [name_m]Thomas[/name_m].
Then definitely recommend marriage counseling. Remove the conversation from his family, the therapist should back this!
All the best, look after yourself. Postpartum is hard even with amazing support.
You BOTH agreed to this. He sounds very manipulative.
Start ignoring anyone who calls him [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] ā maybe even go as far as saying there will be no contact if you donāt call him [name_m]Pierce[/name_m]. You & you SO agreed on this name, please be stubborn about it. You obviously donāt want him to be called [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] ā others need to compromise, not just you.
1 Like
I am so sorry about how your husband and his family are treating you.
I think itās time for an ultimatum - either your husband learns to be sensitive to your feelings about this or itās over. And if he is sensitive to your feelings, maybe you can choose an entirely new name that you both love and start fresh (no family names attached).
With social media and shared albums online, delete them altogether and/or start a new one that only your closest and supportive family/friends can see. You donāt need a constant reminder of family drama on your phone.
1 Like
Iām really sorry youāre going through this. It must be horrible to have someone you love turn on you like that. I agree with the previous posters that you should leave, at least for a short time, stay with a friend or family member. You are not overreacting, you are not crazy. You have as much right as your husband, if not more, to a say in your sonās name. Think of the happiness youāll feel when you get out of this situation, and know that we all support you, we love you and we wish you well. Soldier on, and, name aside, congratulations about your little boy 
.
3 Likes
How many James are in your family? You said your boy is 4th Thomas in family and 8th Thomas in generation, but if your family has men named Jay, Jamie and Jim, then your boy is 4th James as well.
Thereās also couple of things that I wish to mention:
You announced Thomas āPierceā before he was born - was there any argument with your inlaws before that? How did your FIL react to your husband being on your side? How did family react to this announcement?
Did you fill the paperwork in the hospital? Does your baby has official name on paperwork? Is Pierce a family middle or is just Thomas family first?
1 Like
Hello, I am not a mother, just a long time lover of names. I really canāt offer advice on how to handle the situation with your husband and his family because I have never had any experience with a similar point of reference. But I wanted to say that you are not crazy or petty or controlling, and I am so sorry you have to experience this, at this time which is meant to be filled with joy.
What I will say is that, if you can, try to focus on your baby and bonding with him. Itās so important in the early days and months of his life for both of you to develop a bond and an attachment. It totally sucks, but donāt let anyone rob you of that experience. That is your child and you deserve to bond with him, you carried him and part of your own recovery is to focus on your baby.
Wishing you all the best and I sincerely hope that things come to a peaceful resolution about the name
2 Likes
What everyone else said.
The way theyāre treating you is absolutely disgusting. More importantly, the way your HUSBAND is treating you is absolutely disgusting. Like, if it was just his family that were the problem thatās one thing. But itās very very much him too.
James has equal importance as a family name as Thomas. Your opinion, e.g. about Pierce is of equal importance to your husbandās. Heās got no right to snap at you about what you call your child pr name photo albums when HEāS the one thatās changed things on you. You have every right to snap back, and certainly not to give in by stopping calling him Pierce or re-naming your albums.
Iām so so sorry that youāre going through this at all, let alone at such a difficult and sensitive time - the massive life change of going through birth and becoming a mother and having this new babe dependent on you. Thatās hard enough as it is.
Just wanting to send you some love
1 Like