Not sure how to delete this thread.
I would come right out and just ask her If she would be upset, she may have even found another name since then that she likes even more
I know a few girls named [name]Caroline[/name], and [name]Caro[/name] is a nickname one of them use. [name]Caro[/name] and [name]Leo[/name] just sounds a little off to me.
[name]Caroline[/name] & [name]Leo[/name] sound great. Other ideas- [name]Catalina[/name], [name]Caterina[/name], [name]Cordelia[/name], [name]Coralie[/name], [name]Coraline[/name], [name]Corinne[/name], [name]Karen[/name], [name]Charlotte[/name], [name]Constance[/name], [name]Concetta[/name], [name]Coral[/name], [name]Katia[/name], [name]Cadence[/name]…
My opinion on the situation:
I wouldn’t do it. I had something similar done to me and the excuse was that I didn’t know the gender yet so I couldn’t claim a name. It is true that no one can claim a name. And even if you have a [name]Caroline[/name] she can have a [name]Caroline[/name] too. But it’s obviously more than that or you wouldn’t be asking. No doubt this woman has been dreaming of a little [name]Caroline[/name] for years. The fact that this dream might be unrealistic is exactly why it would be so hurtful. I think that once you’re pregnant you should
Sorry-
Have a conversation once you are pregnant. When this happened to me the worst part was finding out via birth announcement. I don’t think you need to ask permission, but you need to say something like- we are most likely using the name [name]Caroline[/name]. I remember you like it too. Isn’t it beautiful.
You might be pleasantly surprised to find out that [name]Catherine[/name] is closer to her heart or maybe she’ll think 2 Carolines would be adorable. Or maybe she will scream & run out of the room! Either way you’ll know how much it meand to her & she’ll be prepared & you will be more equipt to make the decision of if using [name]Caroline[/name] is an ok thing to do or not.
Good luck!
I would also ask. She may like another name, but who knows. She may get very depressed if you have a daughter and name your daughter one of her favorite names. [name]Caroline[/name] could be her favorite name. In this situation I would ask if she is okay with that. She is already in a situation that is probably making her sad right now, or at least it has made her sad. Using a name that she also likes could cause some resentment. It is dumb that that could happen, but this is a sensitive situation.
[name]Caroline[/name] & [name]Leo[/name] are adorable.
But I do think you need to talk to your cousin if you decide you want to use it. She may have completely different names on her list now, but because the process has been so long and painful for her, I think it would rub some salt in the wound if you had a daughter first and named her [name]Caroline[/name] (IF that name was still her #1) without saying anything to her first. ASK! Worst case, she isnt okay with it and you can look for another name you love just as much.
Well I think there are a lot of If’s in this scenario on both of your ends. Obviously there is no guarantee that either one of you will get pregnant when you plan to, nor that either of you will end up expecting a girl. But…
IF you are lucky enough to get pregnant again right away and know for sure you’re going to have your child before she does:
Then I would suggest you wait until you and your husband learn the sex of your baby.
And IF you find out you’ll be having a girl:
Then you should definitely talk to her and let her know you are considering the name [name]Caroline[/name].
I think you’re right that because she told you she likes [name]Catherine[/name] as well then you won’t be stealing “the” name from her, but since you do know she mentioned it, it would only be fair for you to discuss it with her. Think about how you would feel if the situation was reversed… It seems like she is going through a lot already and you wouldn’t want to end up hurting her feelings just because you didn’t want to bring up the conversation. I’m sure it will be fine and she may even be happy to know you’ll be potentially using a name she likes.
All that being said, 6 months/a year is still a long way away and you never know how your tastes and your cousin’s tastes in names may change before the time comes to actually name a child. [name]Just[/name] going by your signature for insance, I think [name]Emmeline[/name] actually sounds better as a sibling to [name]Leo[/name] than [name]Caroline[/name] does (they are obviously very similar names with the -line endings but I like that [name]Emmeline[/name] is a bit more feminine and doesn’t share the same long “O” sound that [name]Leo[/name] already has in his name… [name]Leo[/name] and [name]Caro[/name] are much too matchy-matchy for me).
Good luck! =]
I agree with everyone else. Please ask first! It’s not like she laid claim to a whole list of names. She only said two. It sounds like she has been through a lot and if you care about her I would definitely ask. Also, no matter what she says she might still be sad if you name your daughter one of her favorite names, especially if she is not able to conceive. It would be like a kick in the gut. If it were me I just wouldn’t go the there. There are so
many beautiful names out there that I would just find an alternative. I would never want to risk causing someone who has been through what I am sure is a painful fertility journey any more pain. That’s just me though.
I agree with the pp. IF and when this ever becomes an issue (ie you get pregnant with a girl before your cousin gets pregnant with a girl AND [name]Caroline[/name] is still the only name you want to use) then have an open and honest conversation with her. Be mindful that this will probably be painful for her - 5 years of infertility is a lot of heartbreak. Good luck!
I would bring it up to her if - and only if - you do get pregnant and it is a girl. What you said about your cousin goes for yourself as well: you MIGHT get pregnant and you MIGHT have a girl. And if those scenarios do happen, you could have a feeling when you’re pregnant that the name [name]Caroline[/name] doesn’t suit the baby you’re carrying after all. I think this is definitely a “wait and see” type of situation.
I would talk with her about it and ask her how she feels about you using the name [name]Caroline[/name] for your future kid.
I had a similar situation come up. My husband and I have had the name [name]Elena[/name] on our list since we got married, our son(if had been a girl) probably would have been [name]Elena[/name]. [name]One[/name] of my best friends is now pregnant and if she has a girl, will use [name]Elena[/name]. We found out just a month or so before she got pregnant we both liked the same name. [name]Elena[/name] is no longer our top pick, but we still like it. The whole situation was bothering me and so I simply asked her if she would mind if we used the name as well. I made it clear that we had liked it for a long time, and I wasn’t stealing it, but we might still want to use it. If she had said it would bother her a lot, we would highly consider using a different name, unless we really felt [name]Elena[/name] was “the one”. I don’t think anyone can claim names, especially if you have had it on your list and mind for years and she has too and it is just coincidence. Two Carolines aren’t such a bad thing after all and you are only cousins. I think if she were sisters, it would be different. Either way, try to find out how she feels and then make your decision whether to still use it or not. If you are like me, and she uses it first, the name may lose some sparkle and become too familiar, like [name]Elena[/name] has somewhat to me. If the time comes and we still love it, though ,we will just use it.
[name]Just[/name] ask her. Problem solved 
I’m with everyone else. If you get pregnant with a girl then you should ask her how she feels about you using [name]Caroline[/name].
I have a similar problem with my Best [name]Friend[/name]. She loves a name that is a family name of mine so it means A LOT to me. I had originally wanted this name for a baby girl if I got pregnant with one. Pretty much we had the talk a little sooner because it came up when she asked if I would carry for her since she doesn’t trust anyone else to care for her child before she can. We had agreed I’m going to be her surrogate when the time comes. She has a much harder road ahead of her and I love her so I’m just giving her full first name status on the name. I might still use it as a middle name one day but, I think my Fiance and I can come up with a name that makes everyone happy.
So pretty much, yes I’m upset I have to give up the name but, it’s totally worth it to see a smile on my best friend’s face. It helps her keep the dream alive that somehow she’ll be able to carry one day.
I disagree with people saying you should ask her about it first. I say don’t use it and don’t even ask. Look - I see in your signature that you’ve got several names that you like for a girl, and [name]Caroline[/name] isn’t even the first one or the one that goes the best with your son’s name. She liked only two enough to mention. You didn’t even feel strongly enough about [name]Caroline[/name] at the time to say “hey, that’s one of my favorites, too!” [name]Even[/name] if you had, I think infertility is an incredibly painful journey, and it’s going to hurt her enough if you get pregnant with your second child before she even gets pregnant with her first. If you ask her, chances are she’ll say it’s okay for you to use it, but she’ll be heartbroken that she hasn’t been able to herself yet and will shed many tears over it. Is it possible that part of the reason [name]Caroline[/name] is suddenly jumping to the front of your list is because it feels like maybe you can’t have it? [name]Just[/name] because you like a name doesn’t mean you have to use it. I’ve eliminated tons of names from my list that I loved at one point, for a multitude of reasons. [name]Just[/name] be kind and count it as off the table, that’s my advice.
I agree. Definately talk to her about it. If you don’t talk to her and you use [name]Caroline[/name], it might create a barrier between you two and the relationship for the whole family. Something so small as a name, when there are millions out there isn’t worth losing a relationship.
I’d ask her. Yes, there are a lot of ifs involved, but I can imagine that it would hurt her a lot in her situation that not only will you get to have a daughter (and she might not be able to have one), you’ll also have “her [name]Caroline[/name]”. Maybe it was just a name she mentioned and she didn’t envision her child as [name]Caroline[/name], but if so it could be pretty hurtful. [name]Just[/name] talk to her, probably she’ll be fine, but if she says it would be hard I think you should keep looking. She can’t claim a name, but sometimes it’s just about caring about other peoples feelings.
10 years of trying for a baby, 5 years of very expensive fertility treatments, and now she knows she’ll never have a biological child.
She might well have been dreaming of a little girl called [name]Caroline[/name] for all those long 10 years. As she watched everyone around her get pregnant at the drop of a hat, watched accidental unintended pregnancies, watched 16 and Pregnant on TV, heard countless success stories at her IVF support group… there will be a lot of bitterness and heartbreak as she watches everyone else have a baby, and her own little [name]Caroline[/name] has yet to materialize.
If you select that name-- particularly if you conceive easily, closely following the birth of your so-- it could really backfire and rub all of that in her face. Like you’re having HER baby, the one she’s been denied.
I had the same thoughts as amydomsmom and namenerdia as I was reading your post
You don’t know that you’ll get pregnant again. You don’t know if it’ll take years before you get pregnant. Your cousin may have a child before you.
If you do get pregnant, you don’t know if it’ll be a girl
Also, as betsy buttercup mentioned, is [name]Caroline[/name] really your #1 favorite? I see it in your sig but I see a lot of others too.