Would we be name "stealers"?!?

Hello! My husband and I have begun discussing having a baby. We aren’t ready yet (we are in the process of buying a house and want to have it set up long before the arrival of a little one). Ideally, we are planning to start trying in about 18 mo. - 2 years.

My mother-in-law is VERY excited about the idea of becoming a grandma; and talks to me about it often. Around the holidays she asked what we would like to name a son if we had one. There are only two names that my husband and I agree on at this point; [name]Henry[/name] and [name]Jack[/name]. My [name]MIL[/name] didn’t like [name]Henry[/name] (she told me it sounds like an old man name) and she said that her younger son (my brother-in-law) really wants to use the name [name]Jack[/name].

My [name]BIL[/name] is only 19 years old and in college. He has never had a girlfriend. Is it fair for him to “call” a name? Mind you, this is what my [name]MIL[/name] said…

She has brought this up several times since, and I don’t know how I feel about it.

My husband and I have been together for 7 1/2 years and have been married for 2 1/2. We have not totally made up our mind that this is “the” name … but I just feel like we are being told that we are not “allowed” to use a name. What is your opinion? [name]How[/name] would you handle this topic in future conversations?

I would not take your mil’s implied ban on the names [name]Henry[/name] and [name]Jack[/name] seriously.

Regarding the name [name]Jack[/name]: It is rather ridiculous for her to expect you to give up one of your favorite names for her other son who (1) is not yet married, (2) does not know if a future wife would agree on the name [name]Jack[/name], and (3) does not know if he will ever have a son. You and your husband have already cleared step 2. If you have a son before your brother-in-law, then use it.

It’s hard to imagine that a 19-year-old unmarried guy would be crushed at the loss of using a specific name for a future son unless the name has some incredible significance to him. (For example, I would understand if it was HIS first or middle name. In that case, I would consider him to automatically have dibs on the name. But that does not sound like that’s the case here.) If you would feel better about it, either you or your husband could call up your brother-in-law and let him know [name]Jack[/name] is a name you and your husband both like. At this point, you would be making the announcement to him first. It is very possible that the whole issue of the name [name]Jack[/name] is a much bigger deal to your mil than it is to him.

Firstly, I love [name]Henry[/name]. [name]Jack[/name] is cute and classic, but I [name]LOVE[/name] [name]Henry[/name].

I would broach this subject again, when you are expecting (maybe even when you are expecting a boy), with your brother-in-law. At this point, he cannot call the name [name]Jack[/name], and you don’t even know for sure that he is - you only know what his mother thinks. Maybe it is her desire for him to name his son [name]Jack[/name]. Honestly, I don’t know about you guys, but a name for a future son seems like it would be the furthest thing from a nineteen-year-old’s mind at this point…

Good luck!

Brilliantly said! :slight_smile: I second everything [name]Ever[/name] said, especially the last sentence.

Beginning with what you wrote about your mother-in-law and her feelings about [name]Henry[/name], I got the impression that the name issues, [name]Jack[/name] included, seem to be more about her and her preferences than about your brother-in-law and his preferences. (Of course, you could always check with him, but that’s just the impression I got…)

And for what it’s worth, [name]Henry[/name] is my all-time favorite boys’ name, and I love [name]Jack[/name], too! :slight_smile:

Take care!

P.S. I beyond love your first name! :slight_smile:
P.P.S. I was posting at the same time as [name]Lemon[/name], so I second her, too!

Your 19-year-old brother-in-law hasn’t even started a relationship with his supposed future wife? [name]How[/name] does your mil know that this future wife will want to have a baby, whether it will be a boy, and whether she will agree on the name [name]Jack[/name]? As the youngest child in my family, I realize that one of the advantages of being an older child is that often you get the first choice of many things. I think that since you are already married to the older brother, that you’re planning to have a baby soon, and that you love the names [name]Henry[/name] and [name]Jack[/name], you can name your son whatever names you want. If your younger bro-in-law has a son before you do, he gets first dibs on [name]Jack[/name].
As far as your mil’s opinion on [name]Henry[/name], I don’t agree. [name]Henry[/name] is a classic and quite popular. Not an old man name at all.
I would just listen to your mil’s advice and do what I wanted to do. She will figure out that she is not your boss. It is great to have a fun relationship with your mil. It is something to treasure, but not at the expense of your ability to have your own opinions and make your own decisions with your husband.
I love
[name]Jack[/name] [name]Henry[/name]
[name]Henry[/name] [name]Jack[/name]

I completely agree with what everyone else said!

The only reason I would consider not using [name]Jack[/name] is if it has some special significance to your [name]BIL[/name]. (eg it’s his name or middle name or was the name of someone important to him who he wants to honor.) I also wouldn’t take [name]Henry[/name] off your list just because your mother in law doesn’t like it. If you find out you’re expecting a boy I would have your husband talk to his brother about the name [name]Jack[/name] but I don’t see any reason you can’t use it. (You can even tell [name]BIL[/name] that you’re fine with him using it as well if it’s that important to him.

I completely agree with what everyone else said, and I would go with [name]Jack[/name] [name]Henry[/name].

I’m pretty much with everyone else. If I were you then I would:

  1. Wait until you find out your having a boy when things are a little more “real”
  2. Casually bring it up with your brother-in-law so you can find out why he likes the name
  3. Be o.k. with your little [name]Jack[/name] possibly having a future cousin named [name]Jack[/name] :slight_smile: My friend and his cousin share the same name because they were both named after their grandfather. No big deal.

oooh! and i have a number 4!
4) Possibly refrain from discussing names with your mil haha!

It is early days and as you said M.I.L. is very excited and so I suspect in her excitement she just runs off at the mouth a little not realising the impact of her words. (A little like me.) It sounds like she will be an awesome grandmother, so just be patient with her and don’t feel that she has trapped you into a name, because I am sure she would be upset if she thought she had done that.

[name]Don[/name]'t take it to heart and you don’t need to settle on a name yet. Of course you can talk names but just let it be understood that you are really just waffling on about names not really seriously CHOOSING yet.

Your [name]MIL[/name] needs to mind her own business. I understand that she probably has the best of intentions, but it is completely unreasonable for her to expect that you will not use a name because someone else wants to use it. Also, if you and your husband like the name [name]Henry[/name], her opinion should not deter you from using it. She had her turn to name her kids, now it’s your turn. You and your husband should be able to name your children free from any pressures or stigma that other people have relating to the names that you chose.

On a separate note, I happen to think that the name [name]Henry[/name] is a fantastic name, and I also love the name [name]Jack[/name]. [name]MIL[/name] be damned if she is going to put you off names that you both agree on!!

In the end, it doesn’t matter what anyone says. Stick with what you like. It’s YOUR kid.

no, you’re not allowed to call dibs on a name when you are 19. He may never have children and, if he does, may never have a son.

THIS is why I don’t share my name choices with anyone - not even family. I don’t want them to tell me they don’t like my picks. Use [name]Henry[/name] if you like it. I personally [name]LOVE[/name], [name]LOVE[/name], [name]LOVE[/name] it, but it doesn’t work with my last name.