By “accept” I mean call them by their new name. The alternative is that you keep calling them the name they grew up.
Assuming:
the child is old enough to legally change their name
the name change is unrelated to gender identity
they don’t hate their original name, only prefer their new name
Even disregarding all of the listed assumptions, of course I’d call my child by the name they preferred for themselves! I might be bummed, if I really liked the name I gave them, but their happiness in themselves is so much more important to me that my favorite name for them.
Yes, 100%.
The only exception would be if they chose something really, really strange/silly (like Batman or Unicorn-Princess or something) in which case I might try to talk to them into something more practical.
I sort of answered this in a different post but I’ll explain my answer more here. I’ve always gone into parenting believing that it is just my job to make the best possible decisions for them when they can’t, but when they can, I am supposed to support their decisions. We aren’t raising extensions of ourselves, we’re raising individuals. And as hard as it may be to imagine, we will actually only be a little portion of their lives. So if my child came to me and said they wanted to change their name, I would just encourage them to make sure they’re making the best decision for themselves. A name change isn’t exactly easy, but it also isn’t the hardest thing in the world either, so I would just make sure they really want to do it and understand everything it would entail. If they still decided it was the best decision for them, I would absolutely support that decision. I can’t honestly say I wouldn’t be upset at all, because of course I picked their name because I love it, but it’s not my name or my life and I cannot and shouldn’t even want to control them. Whatever my child chooses for themselves is their decision. I’m just their mom, and my role in their life is limited.
Unpopular opinion here! Im not sure I would change what I called them!
To me they would be the other name and I think that makes a difference. I would not insist other people use their original name. I guess I would consider their original name my personal nickname for them. Unless they objected I don’t see why its a problem.
Yes, whatever they want to be called, I will call them because I respect them.
I would, but it would break my heart. I put so much thought into my children’s names and each one of their names has so much significance to me.
How easily I’d accept it would also depend on the reason they decided to change it. If my child was trans, for example, I’d support their name change (even though I’d still mourn the loss of the name I chose for them). But if they changed it because they just don’t like their name, I’d be heartbroken. I’d still call them by their new name though.
I think if they said they are ok with that then I don’t see a problem. Sort of like how the [name_m]Jenner[/name_m] kids still call [name_f]Caitlyn[/name_f] Dad even though she transitioned, because that’s the role she has always played for them and that’s what they are comfortable with. I just think that in most scenarios if a person dislikes their name enough to go through all the trouble to change it legally, they most likely would not be ok with anyone calling them that. But of course every situation is different and if it works for them then it works. However I would also have to be super sure that they are actually totally ok with it and aren’t just pretending to be because they feel guilty or want to avoid confrontation or anything else. I think I would assume that they do not want me to use their given name unless they specifically came to me and said otherwise, I probably would not ask them because I think that could put pressure on them to say yes even if they don’t truly mean it.
It would disappoint me but I’d respect, because it’s their name not mine. And I would call them by their preferred name because why should I annoy them and harm our relationship because of my relatively small disappointment?
I would strongly discourage them from changing their name unless they despised their given name. It’s one thing to change a baby’s name when he or she is three weeks old, it’s another thing to go through mountains of paperwork and convince everyone you know to call you by a new name as an adult.
Your other two conditions would also be VERY important to me. If those conditions are fulfilled and they legally change their name though, I’d call them by it, however sadly.
Of course, unless it was something really silly or potentially embarrassing as pps have mentioned. That’s a fairly high bar for me though — think X Æ-XII or something explicit, rather than [name_f]Rainbow[/name_f] or Panda.
For me it would depend on the name and the reason. Given the list of exceptions you stated it does seem like the reasoning would be more on the “superficial” side (not sure if that’s the right word). But my faith that I raise my children with teaches that they weren’t mistakes nor are different aspects of them so going along that thinking - the reason and new name would be crucial on determining if Infollow suit. But as you stated I’d likely stick with the original
Heck yeah I would call them by the name they wanted. I changed my name when I was 13 (not legally until much later) and my parents didn’t accept that. So I know what it feels like to be called by a name I hated. I would of course be slightly upset but hey if they want the change their name I would pay for it
Definitely! I want my kid to feel happy and accepted, and names are a big part of ones identity.
100% yes. Their chosen name evidently makes them happier in themselves, so I’d respect that and use it (even if I didn’t like it). I’d never want them to feel dismissed, or uncomfortable by ignoring their wishes, regardless of the reasoning. I like to think I’d teach them to put careful thought and consideration into their decisions, so they’d have a somewhat sensible reason for the change. But even if they didn’t I’d use it and support them.
I would call them by their new name, or at least try to every time!
Of course! Often times names do suite people really well, but sometimes they don’t, even if it isn’t gender related. Sometimes you want the name you like to be called to be your legal one.
Yes, names are an important part of someone’s identity and if my child felt happier with a different one for whatever reason, then that’s what I’d call them
Absolutely. I’d respect my child and their new name.
I might be just a little sad, however! I’d hope that they’d use something that was slightly reminiscent of their name I gave them, or at least honored someone dear to them or a family member.
I’ve thought about this a lot, and I would absolutely call them want they wanted to be called.
I think deep down, I would be disappointed and probably a little gutted that they didn’t like the name I chose for them. It would definitely be a hard adjustment, but I would want them to have a name that feels like theirs. Personally, I adore my name and I feel like it is a significant part of my identity and I want any child of mine to feel that way about theirs.
Depending on what they want, I would love to be a part of the process and help them find a new name that they feel represents them and who they are!