My husband and I have not been able to conceive yet. We tried to let things happen naturally for more than a year and then went onto fertility drugs, then back to trying “naturally”, Chinese medicine, herbs, acupuncture etc. ( it has been over 3 years now!!!)
We are now meeting with a social worker to see about adoption and our options.
We would not be opposed to a baby up to about 18 months. We would not want any older as we speak 2 languages at home and it might be too difficult for an older child to adjust to 2 languages.
My question is would you change the name of a toddler up to 18 months old?
I wouldn’t be doing it just for fun but to me a name is something given out of love and something that has a lot of meaning to me. Not that a birth parent would not have given the name for those reasons but I won’t know them and they wont mean anything to me personally. We would keep at least one of the childs names as a middle and preferably choose a similar name or similar meaning.
As someone who is adopted, I would change the name. I love the fact that my parents changed my name. I was adopted as an infant, but part of me feels like I’m really their child because they picked my name like I was their “real” child. They gave my name a lot of thought and it means a lot to me that they gave me a new name out of love. I hope that makes sense. Keeping one of the child’s names as a middle is a really great idea. That’s what my parents did for my brother who was also adopted. He was adopted as a 5 year old from another country. He liked that he got a new name while still keeping his other name as part of his past. His life in the orphanage was really bad so he was happy to change his name and start a new life.
I would be fine with changing their name until they were 2. After that, I’d play it by ear. I completely understand both sides and don’t judge a family either way.
My daughter will be 3 by the time she’s home and I love her name but it won’t work in English so I will be giving her a new first name and moving her birth name to the middle spot. If it worked in English, I’d probably just keep it what it is, because I do think it’s important for children to feel a connection to their birth parents and/or birth country.
We adopted our son at birth and named him ourselves at the request of his birth mother. Around six months, he was responding to his name. I have read that babies respond to their names as early as four months. By eighteen months, he absolutely had ownership of his name. He was referring to himself by his name. In my experience, most toddlers do by that age.
Based on my experience with my son and with other kids around his age, I would not rename a child over the age of four months. I don’t know how I could explain a name change to a toddler. It would actually be easier in some ways to rename an older child- you could explain it and ask their opinion.
There might be exceptions- in very rare instances, there might be safety issues associated with keeping a birth name. Or a child might be coming from an institutional setting and might not even know his name due to never being called by it.
If you are adopting domestically, most private domestic adoptions are of newborns. If you are adopting through the state, you will likely foster in some capacity first, which means that you would have custody of the child for many months or even years before adopting and having the option of formally changing their name.
Changing the name of a child you adopt isn’t hard. I’ve had friends do it. There isn’t usually much to explain when they are toddlers. It is usually done gradually, it isn’t like they go from [name_m]Peter[/name_m] to [name_u]Aidan[/name_u] overnight. It is typically a double name at first, [name_m]Peter[/name_m] [name_u]Aidan[/name_u]. Then, you eventuality switch to [name_u]Aidan[/name_u] [name_m]Peter[/name_m] and then you just drop the [name_m]Peter[/name_m].
I’m sorry, I wasn’t very clear. I didn’t mean that it would be difficult for the child to learn to respond to the new name- I am sure that even if you just started calling him by it straight out, he would learn the new name pretty quickly.
My point was that most babies bond with their names in just a few months. By toddlerhood, that bond is much stronger and is part of their identity. Since everything else is changing for them, keeping their name the same gives them at least one small thing that stays the same. With an older child, if their name needed to change, you could discuss it with them and go with their preferences and help them work through the name change.
I think it’s up to each their own. A friend of mine adopted two kids from Korea when they were babies. I think they were each 3 months and 6 months, when adopted. And I can promise you, a name like those… No one would ever been able to pronounce it in my country. Well, their name is now the second middle. There’s no harm done to that - they’re just [name_m]Oliver[/name_m] and [name_f]Leah[/name_f]. Named after their grandparents.
So, yeah. I think it depends. For some kids - getting a new name is awesome. For other’s, not so much.
I suppose it depends on the child’s age and the name itself. If he/she is speaking already, changing the name could be a traumatizing experience. I would only change if the child’s original name was a great disadvantage to them…*for instance, a difficult spelling, an “unprofessional” name, a name from a complicated foreign language.
It would very much depend on the specific situation, but I’d be inclined to keep the name of a baby over 6 months, or possibly move it to the middle, but still call the child by that name.
We are currently investigating domestic as well as international adoption. We would NOT do direct placement but would be adopting from foster care so if it were a domestic adoption the child would be around 18 months to 2 years… Possibly as young as 6-9 months but unlikely. We will most likely end up going for international…
If we were to adopt internationally we would most likely adopt from Ethiopia or Haiti if the new law regarding ages of parents change as the current law states a minimum age of 35. It is supposed to change to 30 soon. The children are usually somewhere close to a year old when taken home.
I am in [name_f]Canada[/name_f] but my husband is hispanic and his family only speaks spanish which is why we would want a name that not only works in English [name_f]Canada[/name_f] but also in Spanish.
Either way I would keep any first name ans put it in the middle as to preserve their heritage etc.
I think it would depend entirely on the situation. Depending on the child’s age/development and individual personality, changing their name could be traumatizing to them or it could make them feel more like your ‘real’ child or they could not be affected either way. If they’re very young, like newborn to about 3 months, they won’t know the difference, so if giving them a name helps you bond with them I don’t see why not. Older than that, they may be responding to their own name, but of course that will depend on their development and also the situation they were in prior to coming to you (i.e. They may have been in a situation where they were rarely spoken to or their name wasn’t used.) If they know and respond to their name, but are still too young to communicate effectively (which is the age range you’re talking about), I wouldn’t recommend changing it unless it’s something that will give them trouble later (inappropriate, impossible to spell or pronounce in your language, etc.) If you were adopting an older child (like 3+ years old), I’ve heard sometimes they actually want their adoptive parents to give them a new name for their ‘new life’, but I would only do it if they expressed that desire.
You might want to check and see if your husband’s country of origin has an international adoption program. Most sending countries give preference to potential adoptive parents who have ancestry from that country.
I have thought long and hard about this one for a long while. [name_f]IMO[/name_f] I would go ahead an change it. But this depends on where you are adopting the child, stateside or over seas. I have grown up in a strong background of adoption, my mother was even adopted.
Now, my mother’s name was not changed, her adopted parents were their at her birth and was actively involved with the biological mother. As for all my other adoption experience have been over sea adoptions. Many cases they had no name, and were given name, but not out of meaning but more of convenience. Chinese and other Oriental names were hard to pronounce, and it is their tradition and custom to take on an English when coming to the states. Coming to the states was consider honorary and blessed. So all my friends/families who adopted Chinese or other oriental children changed their names. Now, one I new adopted Russian and didn’t change their names because they were English sounding and were in their tweens.
My theory, is if you are raising the child, it will be according to your beliefs and way of life. If the name is too out there to fit in with your family and belief system, the child may feel like an outcast or reminded of the adoption by the name alone. Now, I wasn’t adopted, but I had an unusual name and in my younger years, I did feel a little bit outcasted, but my mother raised me to feel like I belonged. So an unusual name can counter-balance. If the child is very proud of their name at 18 mos then you should keep it, the child has already identified with it. My girlfriend named her daughter Percephone, and called her sissy and cephie in her early years. If you called her anything else at 18 mos, she put her hand on her hip and told you what is what. If this is not the case, go ahead and change it. Most kids that young change and adapt to their environment and being placed into a loving home may help her feel that connection and have an identification and a sense of belonging. But you know the adoption case the bbest, so it might be easier than you thought. [name_m]Just[/name_m] don’t over think it, have faith and you’ll do just fine.
On a side note, I’m very happy to hear that your changing this little persons life, and we need more people like you out there. Congrats!
For me it all depends on the circumstances. I think if I was going to change a toddler’s name I would stay in the same range of sounds or transition by using a nickname with sounds close to those in the birth name. On one hand I would want to pick a name that made the kid part of the family & “went” with potential sibling names. On the other hand I think it’s good to honor & hold onto the kid’s bio culture & some connection to the bio family who chose adoption. It would depend on so many factors.
I’m sorry to bring back a thread that was a month old. I was adopted (domestic) and I was around the same age you are talking about. My parents weren’t allowed to know my “old name”, so they basically had to rename me. My foster parents didn’t know what they decided, so there was no real transition period for me. I never had a problem with it and I responded immediately to the name I was given, but I think it really depends on the child and the situation.
[name_f]My[/name_f] mum was adopted just after her 1st birthday and her name was changed. At the time her adoptive parents were legally required to give her a new name and weren’t allowed to know what her birth name way. Apparently the transition was easy and my mum in no way identifies with her birth name now. (She now knows it)