Would you have a last child with a bigger age gap?

We have three wonderful children 8 6 and 4 however I still feel the family is incomplete. It’s such a tough decision as holidays and everything are just becoming so much easier, littlest is about to start school, heading towards 40 in a few years!
Yet I really want another and my husband isn’t adverse (in a way I wish he’d say no!).
Anyway I’m now worrying that if we had another they’d be lonely or have to be dragged to places they don’t want to go or slow the others down on things like days out to theme parks etc
Anyone have any positive/negative experiences?

Hey, it’s me, the youngest child :sweat_smile:

[name_f]My[/name_f] brothers were 10 and 13 when I was born, and they loved getting to help take care of me! They still enjoyed doing things with me, and because I was a dare devil I actually got on board with the roller-coaster-riding pretty quickly! It was fun for them to introduce me to mew things, and of course it was fun for me too! I think the loneliness only set in as a teenager for me, since my brothers had grown up and gone. I have a good relationship with my parents and strong friendships with peers, so it’s not like I’m alone! Now that I am an adult, the decade gap feels much smaller.

Anyway, that was just my experience as the youngest child. I think it’s great if you feel called to expanding your family in that way!

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Yeah, I don’t think this age gap would be a bad one at all! I am personally an odd sort of almost-only child but also youngest (my sister was out of the house when I was born). But 8/9 years between oldest/youngest is not bad at all!

Personally, we don’t have children (yet) but we plan on their age gaps being smaller (at least for the first two). However, I wouldn’t ever be opposed to bigger gaps just because they’re bigger if I thought my body could still handle it healthily/my OBGYN said it was fine/how my body handles the other pregnancies…etc.

A four year age gap, in the long run, doesn’t seem too wide to me at all. :smiling_face: I’m three years apart from my sister, and we were thick as thrives growing up. I babysit a family of four children ages 10, 7, 3, and 1. The four year age gap between the middle girls doesn’t deter them from closeness whatsoever!

I’m the oldest of four and actually I’m closest with my youngest sibling who is 10 years younger than me, sometimes it just comes down to personality. Usually my mom would do outings with us in pairs depending on the maturity level and so a particular sibling didn’t feel left out.

Thanks! I suppose my question was a bit misleading and hadn’t thought about the ages. Littlest turns 5 in a few months then likely start trying after that and providing all well would have baby around the time she’d be 6, felt like 6 years was a lot especially after three close together but maybe you’re right sounds like the little one just keeps up!

7 years between me and my little sis. She’s my best friend :slight_smile:

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Currently TTC and my kids are 13, 10 and 7. Definitely go for it if your heart is telling you to! [name_f]My[/name_f] heart told me I wasn’t done, but my husband took some convincing. He had a vasectomy reversal in [name_u]January[/name_u] and this is our 7th cycle TTC. :crossed_fingers:

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I have a 16, two 7 yo, and a 4 year old. They have a big age gap and sometimes I think the youngest will feel lonely. But actualy, I realized she will not, because of her friends that she will see every day going to school and maybe even on parties or play dates. Then, she has an older sister that can play with her even though she is 3 years older, because girls usually like to play with the same stuff. If you want to have a fourth child, you don’t have to worry about it being lonely, because he has siblings and will definetly have friends :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Thank you. That’s very kind. I think my girls will love having a baby around. I think it’s the older bit I’m worried about when the others leave and they’re stuck at home with me!

The situations I’m going to talk about are not quite the same as yours, but I thought they were close enough they might help.

First of all, I have a couple friends who either have one significantly older sibling or one significantly younger sibling (a friend with a sister who is seven years older and a friend with a brother who is seven years younger). While these are two-child families so it’s not quite the same as having one younger kid “trailing” older siblings who are closer in age, both sets I know were close as kids and continue to be close as adults.

The second example I have is my mom’s family. She is the fifth of eight kids, and basically her parents had six kids over about a decade, a large gap between the sixth and seventh kids (about five years), and then surprise [name_u]Irish[/name_u] twins. So my mom’s youngest two sisters are seven and eight years younger than her, and 15-16 years younger than the oldest child. Again, it’s not quite the same thing, because while they’re quite a bit younger than the other siblings, they’re close in age to each other. But the siblings my mom talks to most often and is closest to now are her sister that’s closest in age to her and the sister who’s seven years younger.

Regarding your worries about the youngest child being at home with you when the other kids have left–I’m not going to say that that might not be hard for some kids, but other kids might enjoy getting to be the center of attention for a bit. (Also, I know my youngest aunts first became aunts in middle school/high school and really enjoyed getting to hang out with their older siblings’ babies, though that wouldn’t necessarily happen depending on when/if your older kids had children.) I think if you and your husband both decide you want another child, don’t let the age gap make or break that decision. Your younger child would have different experiences from their older siblings, but not necessarily better or worse.

[name_m]Just[/name_m] wanted to say that my father is the second of 10 siblings, and his absolute best friend is the youngest, who is 17 years younger than him. So I guess you never know what the relationship between siblings is going to be like, no matter how you plan the age gaps

If you’re worried for the older bit, you can calm yourself. I am 8 years older than my youngest sibling and, however, when I went to university (and all the other kids were away too) our relationship was fine, maybe it was even better than before! I came and visited on the holidays and on other occasions and it was better because we were older and we didn’t fight about what we used to when we were living together, and it also depends where does your child want to go to university (if its close or far from home). Also. your youngest will probably be a teen or a middle schooler, and she/he would have his friends so she/he will not be lonely and you can do more things together. [name_f]Hope[/name_f] I helped :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:!Good luck!

Late to the chat, but just to say I’m one of eight kids. I’m ambivalent about having quite so many siblings (I think even the most well meaning and well resourced parents can’t quite care for that many) BUT I have to say, we kids even with 13 years between eldest and youngest are very close, and those who I consider best friends are 7 years older, 4 years younger and 5.5 years younger. The youngest (who is 5.5 years younger than me) loved and loves being the youngest! My husband meanwhile has two siblings who are 10 and 12 years older than him. They get along but he said he did feel like an only child growing up - so I think there are gaps that are possibly too big for that fun family life (and only come good once everyone is over 15 for eg).

I am 7 years younger than my older sister. And now as adults we are best friends. I would say we werent super close growing up but but she considered us close mainly because I was there during her childhood and she has memories of playing with me as a child. But I was too young to remember and by the time I have memories of my childhood she was older (what 14 yr old wants to play with a 7 yr old) but once we were both adults we got a long great. It was just very much an ebb and flow kind of relationship