I had posted another thread yesterday, about choosing a name for my first son (5th child) and i’m pondering some “options”
The name I love the most is “[name]Xander[/name]” ([name]Zander[/name]) I think its very strong & masculine, but i’ve got a lot of feedback that it should only be used as a nn to [name]Alexander[/name], which is my high school boyfriends name (but we called him [name]Alex[/name]). Obviously that was 12 years ago and I could care less about him now but is it totally weird to use a name of someone you dated, especially for such a long time (3 years)?
I don’t have a good relationship with my ex’s so it would be a really big no from me. However, [name]Xander[/name] is not [name]Alexander[/name]. I prefer [name]Xander[/name] by itself to [name]Alexander[/name]. And if he was called [name]Alex[/name] no one would ever make the connection. Good [name]Luck[/name]
I always wanted to name my first son [name]Gavin[/name]. But then I had a brief romance with this awesome Scottish hippie/gypsy of the same name, who I still secretly have the hots for so it’d be too weird. My current boyfriend would not be happy if we named our son [name]Gavin[/name] because now he just associates it with the gypsy, and he’d “rather die than give (his) kid a gypsy name”, especially a Scottish one; he dislikes Scottish people for some reason (even though a lot of my family are Scottish, eh)… So no more baby [name]Gavin[/name] for me
I think [name]Xander[/name] is fine on it’s own anyway ! I’ve actually never thought of it as a shortened version of [name]Alexander[/name].
My [name]BIL[/name] and his first wife named one of his twins [name]Xanthe[/name] which was also the name of an old girlfriend of his. They both liked the name and I don’t think he has had any contact with his ex since they broke up. In that case it was totally fine. I could see it being awkward if you still see your ex on a regular basis even if you are all on good terms. I think you’re fine going with [name]Alexander[/name], but don’t feel like you have to use it to get [name]Xander[/name]. I also prefer it on its own.
If the relationship was particularly meaningful( good or bad) then I don’t think I could use it. Or if the name was original or uncommon. I would never want to give the impression that my child was named for an ex. I dated some guys with awesome names too so that kinda ruled out a lot of good ones considering I dated to eat in my early 20’s. My husband would flip out if I named our baby the same as an ex.
For [name]Alexander[/name] it’s a tough choice because it’s a classic name with lots of good nicknames including [name]Xander[/name]. If I had an [name]Alexander[/name] in my past I wouldn’t even go to [name]Xander[/name]. it would be too weird for me. Maybe [name]Evander[/name]? Similar sound with no baggage.
Anyone you could consider an ex would be out for me. For example, I dated a guy over one summer during high school until it ended with the cliche “he went off to college”. For me, it would be too weird to give my child the same name as someone I dated 3 months, much less 3 years. Regardless of whether the relationship ended on good or bad terms, I think it would be a bit controversial using an ex’s name or nickname. I know I would be beyond upset if my BF suggested using his ex’s name for a daughter, so I feel it’s only right I show the same respect for him. (works out for me, because I never dated anyone whose name I would consider using anyway)
Perhaps go with a similar name, like [name]Evander[/name], [name]Leander[/name], or [name]Andre[/name].
I just asked my hubby for input on this. He wanted to know if you still see each other, or “might run into each other at the grocery store”?? He thought that if he was the guy, he might be a little ‘weirded’ out. But, I personally think that [name]Zander[/name] (or [name]Xander[/name]) is a nice name that can stand alone. If you haven’t had a connection with this guy since high school, and it’s unlikely you’ll see him any time soon, I think it’s usable. (Incidentally, I have an ex bf named [name]Innocent[/name], so [name]Xander[/name] is leaps and bounds ahead, lol!)
A big No no for me. Mainly as my BF was my best friend nearly my whole life before he was my BF, so he knows too much! He has already vetoed boy’s names without me bringing them up, which is fine as I am not really drawn to names of people I know already.
I do think Alex and Xander are somewhat distinct, so you could probably get away with it without people thinking about a past BF.
I think the real issue here is not if other people make the connection to your ex, it is how strongly do you feel it? [name]Xander[/name]/[name]Zander[/name] was not your ex’s name. I see, ultimately, no issue between the two. However, if you still have a lot of friends you see from high school during your relationship with [name]Alex[/name] that may raise more questions about the name or reminders than you really want. I dated a [name]John[/name] [name]Patrick[/name] for two years. We called him JP. (I hate initials as names!) But when I was pregnant with my first son my husband and I discussed [name]Patrick[/name] as a possibility. If your husband is willing to consider the name it must not be a huge deal to him. Go with your instincts. And good luck!
I think it also depends on the name. If you dated a guy named [name]Joe[/name], for example, it’s such a common name that you might feel less connection to your ex. You likely know other people named [name]Joe[/name] and would also think of them. If your ex’s name was [name]Mortimer[/name], though, you probably haven’t known a lot of those and you would immediately think of him every time. I think [name]Alexander[/name] is common enough that you could do it if it’s not an issue for other reasons.
Since it’s a name as classic and well-used as [name]Alexander[/name], I don’t think it’s an issue unless you think it’s an issue. If your ex’s name had been something as unusual as [name]Zebedee[/name] or [name]Michelangelo[/name] it would be different. For what it’s worth, I think [name]Xander[/name] stands on its own just fine.
I would never use an ex’s name. It’s just too weird. In your case, since you like the name [name]Xander[/name], I would just name your son that and forego [name]Alexander[/name] altogether.
