I was thinking about names for when I have my first child & there is one name that I am set on if it is a girl.
The name is [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] using [name_f]Lily[/name_f] as a nickname. I wouldn’t mind using Liliana as her name on her birth certificate but Lily or even Lili as her name.
Only problem is that this is the same name that my boyfriends brother and his girlfriend had chosen for their baby girl born 9months ago. When they named their daughter this they saw it on a list and liked it (they told me this ages ago) whereas for me this name has so many personal meanings.
Background info:
we’ve spoke to them & saw them a maximum of 3-4 since the start of this year
they are half brothers & there is quite a big age gap
they share the same mum who we are not close to at all & hardly keep in contact with
we would hardly see them
we all live close by to each other so we could easily see each other but we don’t
I don’t know what to do as this is a name that I’ve loved for well over 10 years since I was a child. This name has stuck with me through all the names I’ve loved and hated through phases.
I wanted to be called this name so badly growing up, I’d use the name when writing stories, named myself this name when having to fill in my name for games etc & even call my bear this name.
I have my heart set on this name but I don’t want it to look like I am copying them because I’m not trying to do it intentionally. In all genuine honesty I’ve tried other names even before I knew I was pregnant or having a girl but nothing sticks and I keep going back to this name.
I have looked at so many other names that are similar and some that are different such as:
Lucia
Elena
Eliana
Luciana
None of them feel the same as I’ve longed for the name Lily/Liliana for far too long and it honestly means everything to me. I feel like the best thing to do would be to talk to my boyfriends brother etc & explain everything to them, & that we are not trying to copy in any way at all.
Could you speak to your partner’s brother and girlfriend and see if they mind you using the name still? Maybe tell them what you mentioned here - that it has been a name that you have liked for a long long time and you’d love to use it for your daughter. They may be flattered that you want to name your daughter the same name as their daughter.
Of course, it could get awkward at family gatherings when there are a couple kids with the same name! I had 2 cousins (on the same side) called [name_m]David[/name_m] so one went by [name_m]Davie[/name_m] and one by [name_m]David[/name_m]/[name_m]Dave[/name_m].
The other option is using [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] as a middle name? I know it doesn’t have the same effect but you could still use your chosen name that way.
It depends how close you are to this other couple. I personally would keep my options open and don’t think i could call my child the same name as their cousin.
I’ll definitely try talking to them and explaining everything. Especially with it being a name with such significant meaning to me. I’m on the same boat as you, I didn’t want to name my kid the same name as their cousin but it’s a name that’s always stuck for me even through every relationship I’ve had I’ve said this name.
I’ve honestly tried everything to get this name out of my head but it’s unforgettable. I love the name [name_f]Elena[/name_f] and [name_f]Lucia[/name_f] too but neither have the same effect. The name I would love to use is [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] [name_f]Elena[/name_f].
My partner isn’t that close with his brother anyway, he is 5 years older and they have a different dad. Their only connection is family through their mums side which he doesn’t see too often.
Like I said in my previous post, I just don’t want it to look like I’m copying because I’m not. I’d honestly take everyone back in a time machine if I could and show them exactly how it is.
I’d say it depends on how protective over the name they are and if they’d have an issue with it being used and also how close you are. I’d definitely speak to them about it.
Are there any similar names you could use? Like [name_f]Vivianna[/name_f] or [name_f]Adriana[/name_f].
Or could you use [name_f]Lily[/name_f] as a nickname but have a slightly different name eg. [name_f]Lavinia[/name_f]?
I’ve looked at every option available but it’s just that one name that has such a sentimental meaning to me. We are not close to his brother & haven’t seen him in quite a few months but it’s just the people in between (his mum) that I feel like it might be weird for.
I feel like if I explain what the name means to me & how close to my heart it is then they might understand a little. I’d feel bad for using the same name but [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] is the name I’ve had my heart set on for so long. I’ve tried [name_f]Eliana[/name_f], [name_f]Juliana[/name_f] etc but none of them have the same meaning for me. I’ve tried everything to avoid using the same name & have scanned across so many others & tried them out. None of them seem to stick & I can’t help but go back to [name_f]Liliana[/name_f].
I assume that both girls would also have the same last name so [name_f]IMO[/name_f] it has to be off the table. Sorry, but if they are both going to be [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] LastName, that is the deal breaker. If not, I agree with pps that you should ask them and see how they feel about it.
I sympathize completely with your predicament but for me, no matter how much I loved a name, I wouldn’t want to use it once a close relation has used it. Obviously, your situation is not unheard of, and years ago in large families there could be 2 cousins named [name_m]John[/name_m]. But [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] is an uncommon name and I wouldn’t want my daughter to be [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] #2 to her grandmother. Think of it this way,there is a good chance you will have more children and will be forced to find another name. Maybe this situation will make you do that now. And I’m just trying to make lemonade out of lemons here, but maybe it’s not such a terrible thing not to have the first child with the name you’ve been dreaming about forever and then something considerably less-loved for subsequent children.
I’m on the same page with [name_f]Suzannah[/name_f]. Regardless of the level of closeness - even if everyone was estranged - I would not want my baby’s grandparents to have [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] #1 and #2. [name_f]Imagine[/name_f] how you would feel about that if the situation was reversed and they were the ones who named #2. The only way I could see it maybe working is if you 1) chose to actually name your daughter [name_f]Lily[/name_f] since it sounds like that’s what you planned to always call her anyway and 2) you talked to them ahead of time to let them know why you chose it, show courtesy, etc. I do empathize! It won’t be easy letting go of the name but there are so many beautiful ones out there. I’m sure the perfect solution will come to you!
I can see this is really important to you and that you have a real emotional connection to the name, but unfortunately I agree with some of the other commentators that once a name is used by close family (and very recently) it has to be off the table. It would be really odd for your mother in law to have two granddaughters born so close together with the same name. And I also can’t see it having a positive affect on your OH’s relationship with his brother and his partner.
I’m sorry! I feel that’s very much the opposite of what you wanted to hear, but i suspect that even if you used the name now it wouldn’t feel the same once it’s taken by someone else and you associate your niece with it.
I understand what everyone is trying to say, I really do. In the past 9 months we have only seen his brother a maximum of 3 maybe 4 times and that includes his daughter too. We really are not close at all with that half of the family including my boyfriends mum. We hardly see her either and do not keep in contact with her. We don’t speak to either of them and they are half brothers through their mum. We only live a few miles away from them too.
The only way I feel that it might be acceptable to use this name is if there really is not that family connection there at all which there isn’t.
I’m on the same boat as all of you but that would only be if we actually kept in contact with that part of the family but we don’t. We never talk to any of them but we are close with his dads side though.
Thank you for your responses [name_f]Suzannah[/name_f].
I’m trying to put as much detail in as possible so people get an idea on the situation.
I know when I put this post up to begin with i made it seem like we were really close with that part of the family and saw them all the time etc & I didn’t give much explaination.
It’s not like my partner and his brother are really close in the slightest. It’s the exact same with his mum too.
I doubt we would see them often anyway.
I can see how it would be different if we were in contact with each other every week & saw them very often. Especially if everyone was very close but that is not the case.
Either way I’d most likely use [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] as the name on the birth certificate but shorten it down to [name_f]Lily[/name_f] or [name_f]Lili[/name_f].
I see where previous posters are coming from, I wouldn’t want to share a name and a nickname with my cousin even if I dont really know them. However, [name_f]Lilly[/name_f] and its variations are so popular right now I think you could do it. Personally i dont think I would, but i do think its possible if you really wanted to.
Like you said, I also see where other posters are coming from too. I wouldn’t do it with any other name, it’s only because this name has such a significant meaning to me. [name_f]Lily[/name_f] is very popular just like you said too, that’s why I don’t want to just use [name_f]Lily[/name_f]. I would want her full name being [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] but would most likely called her by a nickname.
[name_m]Hi[/name_m]! I read the whole story as well as replies…I agree with many of the posters that the name should be off the table.
If you feel that strongly about it, I would contact them and tell them how much you have always loved the name, that you’ll be using it, and explain the situation before baby arrives.
However, if I were in your shoes I would go through all kinds of other names just because I personally wouldn’t want my child to share a name with a cousin-even if they weren’t close. They will share a grandmother and it sounds like they’ll still live near each other.
Maybe…
[name_f]Susannah[/name_f] which means [name_f]Lily[/name_f]
[name_f]Calla[/name_f] is a type of [name_f]Lily[/name_f]
Maybe other flower names like [name_f]Dahlia[/name_f]
Or longer flowing names like [name_f]Angelica[/name_f] or [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f]? Maybe [name_f]Ivy[/name_f] or [name_f]Willow[/name_f]. Or something old fashioned like [name_f]Margaret[/name_f] nicknamed [name_f]Daisy[/name_f]?
[name_f]Lily[/name_f] can also be a nickname for [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f].
[name_f]Lila[/name_f] is very similar.
I agree with the previous poster who mentioned finding a sibling name if you had used [name_f]Lilliana[/name_f] already…there may be another perfect name that you love even more!
I’ve honestly considered every possibility. I honestly feel like I couldn’t live with myself if I chose a name that wasn’t that name especially considering that I’ve considered every name possible and others that I like but nothing compares to [name_f]Liliana[/name_f].
Lily is so incredibly common today that’s it’s honestly become so boring and unimaginative. I especially wouldn’t want my child to have the same name as a family member whether I saw them often or not. And from the other perspective- if I found out that my brother named his daughter the same name as my daughter that would feel incredibly disrespectful. You might not see each other a lot but you will have to see each other sooner or later and imagine how confusing it would be to other people (e.g. grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) they would be labeled as Lily #1 and Lily #2.
I know that this name means a lot to you but you have to accept that your boyfriend’s brother got to it first. The reason why no other name is “sticking” is because you don’t allow them to. It sucks, but you have to be an adult, move on, and pick something else.
If nothing else- change it up a bit, go for Lilith, Lilian, Lilena, Lila, Lilia, Lilianne, Lilibeth, Lilium, Lilo or even just Lily itself. Lily can still be used a nickname and it’s different enough that you can use it without the fear of being called out for copying.