Daycare vs. Nannies Vs. Stay at home Mom

I am a stay at home mom, because 3 of my 10 children are not in school and we cannot afford for me to work and putting them in daycare. My sister has 5 kids ages 8-2 and has her youngest 3 in daycare. My friend has 2 kids and has a live in [name]Nanny[/name] for her kids. Now, my mom is the homemaker kind of lady who believes it is a women’s duty to stay at home with her children. I don’t believe that is true, but i want to know what yall think? What do you do for your children or will do when you have kids? [name]Nanny[/name], daycare or stay at home?

Daycare. Ideally I’d like to be able to stay at home the first year of a childs life, but that’s unlikely to ever be possible, so full maternity leave then daycare. I don’t think that a daycare will harm the child, unless it was completely terrible, in which case I wouldn’t leave my child there, so it would be a decision I’m comfortable with. That said, I think that staying at home is just as good a choice if you can afford it and want to do it. And [name]Nanny[/name]'s are a pretty foreign concept to me, so I’ll withhold comment.

I work part-time while my children are in school. When they were younger, I stayed home.

Personally, I think all options are perfectly fine. Depends what suits a persons lifestyle best.

For me, I think I’d do my best effort to stay at home as much as possible. I’d take a full maternity leave… and then schedule my work and my mans work to work around it all so the baby could be taken care of by us. And I’d probably definitely take advantage of family members willing to babysit, hehe! Or, at least a once a week sort of deal. I know my boyfriend likes working nights, or moreso a 2-11 sort of deal or something. So if I worked an early morning thing he could watch kiddo while I’m doing my thing I guess. But I think I’d try and wait until the child is in K-4, so I could maybe just work a couple hours while they’re in school and pick them up. And then start working better hours once they reach gradeschool. Thats the best case scenario though lol. We’ll see how things actually play out.

Daycares can be a great place for you kids! Its just a matter of choosing out a good daycare :slight_smile: If the facility meets your desires, your child could do very well there. And they are so convenient for working parents!!

Nannies are an amazing deal, but can be quite costly. Of course daycares are as well… but to my knowledge, what I’ve seen of nannies are impressively expensive! But its understandable, as your basically hiring someone to come to your home, watch your kid, potentially drive them around or even do some light housework, etc… But they certainly are a wonderful option to a parent who can afford! They do things specifically your way and I suppose its just that much less stressful <3

I’m so lucky here, maternity leave is one year. My wife and I have been talking since just after our first was born about staying home vs paying daycare (I went to daycare for years, and loved every minute of it) and I am thinking of becoming a stay at home mom. We may even homeschool. I think that we may do this until the kids go to school, then I may go back to work. We will have to see what the future holds. We know we want more kids so it really does depend on how many kids and our incomes at that time.

My mom doesn’t work, and she keeps my three year old and my two year old niece, and if I happen to work late, she picks up my kindergartener from school. She has a background in daycare from the last thirty years, so I know my kids are with someone I trust and are learning while they are there!

I’m still on maternity leave, but will be returning to work soon. I’ll be working part time, around 20 hours a week. My mom will watch our youngest while I work, as our eldest will be at school. I completely trust her. Daycares aren’t for me, when I can get loving, trusted family to watch them instead.

I will be staying at home raising our kids. I don’t want other people raising them. I was in daycare from 6 months until I got out of elementary school. A daycare can still be “good” or up to standards and not necessarily be the best thing. You are not there to see what goes on and your child may not tell you. Bullying, for instance is not something I don’t want my young child subjected to. Also I think daycare weakens the child and the mother’s bond affecting their relationship even into adulthood. Since my husband has a full time job, I don’t mind sacrificing a career or a higher income for the sake of my kids. A person takes their childhood with them for the rest of their lives and it is the basis of who they are and how they see the world. [name]IMO[/name], raising a child is the most important job in the world and I want to make sure I do all in my power to love, teach and guide them and make them feel safe. I personally wouldn’t feel right having someone else do what I saw as my job.

[name]Just[/name] thought I’d add as a sidenote that I’d love to be a SAHM, but financially, it isn’t feasible for us. We need the money too much. Hopefully by the time we have our next child we’ll be in a better place economically and I’ll be able to give up work to stay at home with the kids.

The debate over whether mothers should work is an emotionally-charged debate that has left mothers on both sides of the aisle feeling judged and undervalued. As more and more women become working mothers, the debate intensifies. In 1965, 33% of moms worked outside the home. Now, 71% of moms work outside the home. Now, more than ever, we, as women, need to come together, to reinforce our right to make the choice that’s right for our families, and to reinforce the rights of others to do likewise (even if that choice differs from our own). Let us acknowledge that there is no “right” or “wrong” answer here, and that difficult decisions are made more difficult when criticized by others.

Some moms prefer to stay at home. Some moms prefer to work outside the home. Children tend to thrive in happy environments. Thus, there is a potential advantage to the children if mom works outside the home . . . if that makes the mom a happier mom.

Some moms who prefer to stay at home simply do not have that option. Working outside the home is not engaged in so as to buy that next [name]Lexus[/name] or keep up with the Joneses, it is engaged in to put the next meal on the table or to keep a roof over the family’s heads. Children tend to thrive in environments in which their basic needs are met.

A working mom is not necessarily putting work ahead of her children: she may be working to help support and care for her children. Thus, working is not inconsistent with putting her children first in her life.

Studies have shown that children of working moms will do better on social and cognitive tests than will their counterparts raised by stay-at-home moms IF those children of working mom have been placed in high quality childcare.

The guilt associated with perceived child abandonment or neglect must be wrestled with by ferreting out the logic in the emotion. The maternal instinct to nurture children is powerful, but nurturing must be construed to include providing those children with shelter, food, and the materials the children need to attend to their daily lives. These objects are achieved, many times, by moms working outside the home

In all aspects of life, there are trade-offs. Moms experience a number of trade-offs when choosing to stay at home or work outside the home. [name]One[/name] of the primary trade-offs in that choice is income to fund the family or time with the family. It is a difficult decision that each mom must make based on her own unique circumstances. Let us each make the decision that we feel is best for our families, and let us each validate the choices of other. By doing so, everyone wins: moms, children, and society.

Thank you Candiw! I appreciate your response very much.

I don’t know really. It really depends on the money situation, but I’d like to be able to stay home the first year, then put them in daycare for a few hours and have a nanny. I really want there to be someone they’re completely comfortable with and love when I can’t be there, but it’s also important that they meet other kids before they go into school. [name]Just[/name] my opinion.

I supported us when my first child was born. Until she was about nine months old, I was able to take her to work with me which worked out great because I nursed her. Then friends of mine had an old fashioned Irish nanny and she took in a couple of other kids, so my daughter stayed with [name]Nanny[/name] on the days that I worked in Manhattan and with me when I was home. When we moved she went to a really nice daycare for two days a week so I could work and then she went to a special preschool program at the local Hebrew day school where she was five mornings a week and two afternoons…I was home with my son until he was three because we were in [name]Canada[/name] on a work permit and it took two years to get landed immigrant status. Then I worked two days a week and taught in the evenings…he had what was called a “special needs” daycare slot, something that doesn’t exist in the US. I really enjoyed the combination of working part time and taking care of my kids when they were little. It was a good fit for me. My kids are grown up now and doing well so we did okay.

It depends on where in life I am when I have kids. Ideally, I’d want to be a stay-at-home mom or a mom who works part-time. I had a lot of behavior and trust issues as a kid when both of my parents worked, but I’ve also known some kids that didn’t have a stay-at-home parent and turned out great. It would depend on how much I needed or wanted to work and what age my children are. When they are older, I would be a lot more comfortable working. If I did need to put my kids in childcare, I would want it to be very high quality childcare. My first choice would be a nanny, or something with a lot of one-on-one time. Sometimes childcare is necessary.

tried to comment before but I don’t think it worked. Sorry if I comment twice:
I’m a stay at home mom with a newborn and I love it. I save us the $ we would’ve spent for daycare, plus being frugal saves us what we used to spend on take-out/lunches ect. I absolutely love it…my job was not creatively or emotionally satisfying and it wasn’t even a stepping stone towards my dream job or anything so it wasn’t hard for me to walk away.
My best friend has 2 in daycare and it’s very expensive. She just switched from a large corporate daycare that is run like a school to a small daycare in a woman’s home that is more like a sitter. large vs small is a whole other 'which is better debate! The large one had structure and accountability, she got reports on behavior and kids weren’t allowed to come in with the sniffles. The small one is more about catering to the kids mood, you don’t get fined for being a bit late on picking them up, but I think it’s a lot of TV watching that happens…
My husband’s family all have nannies. They’re Russian and they hire new-to-the-country Russian immigrants. The nannies live-in and clean and cook and get to polish their English skills and have nicer housing than they probably would otherwise. It’s really economical if you have a few kids and an extra bedroom! I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom AND have a nanny!

I think it depends on the family, and what will best suit their needs in all aspects. I have at some point in the past 17 years done all three… mainly I have stayed a SAHM. In my personal experience no one cares for my children the way I do, and we are blessed, that I am able to stay home. If you do your research, I do believe there are some outstanding daycares out there… perferably (in my worls) the child would be placed in one after the first year…

Right now I’m expecting, and I do work full time. But in a week, I’m taking 6 months off, and so is my husband. We have a nice bit of money, so we won’t do without. When i go back to work, I will be working part time and so will my husband. We are going to try to not have a babysitter much, because we are adopting a 1 year old , almost 2, and we are expecting twins in may. If we do end up needing a babysitter,it will be the children’s grandparents because we want our children to be close to them.

Candiw’s reply was very thoughtful.

Whatever choice a woman makes, it would be nice to have the support of other women. And we should support stay-at-home dads too, if that is what works best for the family.

Although I am not a parent yet, I would like to chime in. I think that all options are viable. The main goal for me, would be to make sure my child has opportunities to make friends and have interactions with others outside of my immediate family. I have friends with children who never allowed thier kiddos to meet new people and learn those basic social skills, and are, consequently, very shy and timid. They had real trouble once they were school-age. Throwing fits and not knowing how to behave around others.
So, that said, I would love to be a stay-at-home mom someday… I know there are a ton of mom’s groups around that still give children the opportunity to learn social interaction with other children and adults, so problem solved there. Daycare is a good option too, if affordable, as it allows the child to bond and make friends. And I love the idea of a [name]Nanny[/name] as well, though totally unaffordable for my lifestlye. A [name]Nanny[/name] is another person to bond with and has the time to take the kiddos places where they can still get other interactions. [name]Parks[/name]/playgrounds, activity groups.
It all just depends on what works for your family and what you are looking for for your child.

Stay at home mom who agrees with your mother. Most of the moms I know are sahm except a couple work part-time (literally one day a week) though which kind of surprises me. I imagine more moms work than stay home nowadays.