I posted this conundrum about a year ago if we ever got pregnant with twin boys and lo and behold we are pregnant with twins, and they are thinking they’re boys (I’m 12 weeks)! Here is our dilemma:
My DH has always wanted to name his 1st son [name]Jackie[/name] [name]Randall[/name] IV. He is the third and goes by [name]Trey[/name], and wants to keep the tradition going and call our son [name]Drew[/name] (for quaDRUple). Im not particularly fond of [name]Jackie[/name] or [name]Randall[/name], but I like [name]Drew[/name] and I like what it means so I have always agreed.
Now that it’s twins we still plan on naming the first one born [name]Drew[/name] - but I want baby B to have a name equally as significant so he doesn’t feel less special. Coincidentally enough, DH’s other (maternal) grandfather was name [name]James[/name] [name]Robert[/name] (he passed a while ago). This would give both boys names from their paternal great grandfathers, and the same initials.
Problem 1: I don’t really like [name]James[/name] or [name]Robert[/name] either. I had a boyfriend named [name]Jimmie[/name] in high school and pretty much all forms of [name]James[/name] including J.R. remind me of him. The only nickname I can handle is [name]Jake[/name], which DH doesn’t like. He thinks [name]Jake[/name] is only for people names [name]Jacob[/name], and he’s known a lot of Jakes that he didn’t like - so theres a negative association there.
Problem 2: My maternal grandfather is named [name]Gerald[/name] (no middle name), and even though his name starts with a G, I don’t want him to get his feelings hurt that we only named the boys after DH’s family. (But I am in NO way naming my son [name]Jerry[/name]!!!) This is much less of a concern, but still there.
My thinking is that if we can’t agree on a nickname, we should move [name]James[/name] to the middle and pick a different first name. But then the whole equal significance thing is gone and a new problem is created. And I know DH has his heart set on this combo, so I’m scared to even bring it up.
I don’t mean to throw a kink in it but I don’t know about picking one son to name after Dad. I know you’re trying to find a name with equal significance but I don’t know if you can. Being THE IV in the naming line is a big deal. The only thing with equal significance would be being a IV from the other side of the family, and even then, he’s not named after DAD. [name]Man[/name], this is really difficult! I’m trying to think what I’d do in your place. I’ve worked with a lot of twins who are patients, and I just know that identity and rivalry is such a big deal. (I even worked with one with huge inadequacy issues compared to her sister and one of the things she always cited was that her twin was named after a grandmother and she wasn’t. Kind of silly, but just to give you an idea…). If it were me I feel like I just wouldn’t be able to do that to the other twin.
I know you can’t predict the future, but I just find it wrong to choose one twin. I would almost save the IV for a different baby. This really is a dilemma.
Yep. I had thought about not doing the IV when we were first discussing IVF and that twin might be a possibility. But DH has had his heart set on it for SO long, his argument was that they are different people. I get that, but my opinion is more where you are. I think [name]James[/name] robert is as close to as significant as we can get. There are two [name]JR[/name]'s on his mothers side (father and son - although senior is passed away), but we are not nearly as close with him.
Yes, I agree that they are different people, which is why I always argue against matchy twin names (to each their own, but there are a lot of drawbacks for sure). They will always be compared, though, which is why I think making one of them a IV is just unfair.
I understand he has his heart set on this name, but these are his children and as a father he need to consider their well-being too.
I truly do apologize if I’m out of line with these comments/suggestions. This issue is clearly close to my heart. Twins are SUCH a blessing. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!
No, you aren’t out of line I need all potential possibilities. Are you a therapist? [name]How[/name] do you know the one set of twins with rivalry issues?
While I dont agree with naming one twin after his dad I understand why you need to. I have also seen first hand the rivalry between twins and it can be intense. If you dont like [name]James[/name] or [name]JR[/name] dont use it. If I were you Id find a name you both Really love or the name or initials of someone you both love and respect (not necessarily related) for twin B. Maybe the name could have significance because you and your H love it or because it has the first initial of some one you look up to. [name]Ive[/name] met some twin boys where one was named for his dad and the other was not and they both seemed to get along well and neither one acted dominant or superior, at least around me. [name]Just[/name] picka name you are both happy with.
What about [name]James[/name] [name]Gerald[/name]? What way, both grandfathers are honoured in [name]Baby[/name] B’s name. I agree, [name]Jim[/name]/[name]Jimmie[/name] is awful, and I understand why you wouldn’t want to go that route for a nn. I love [name]James[/name] as-is, but my favourite [name]James[/name] nickname is [name]Jem[/name] (and [name]Jack[/name], but that might be sort of strange when the other boy is named [name]Jackie[/name], nn [name]Drew[/name]!!). [name]Drew[/name] and [name]Jem[/name] ARE cute together though!
I also agree with a pp that it might cause [name]Baby[/name] B’s feelings one day to be hurt, to be the twin NOT named after his dad. I know several pairs of twins, all of whom - while very close - have some jealousy/competitiveness issues.
However, I also understand that your husband wants to carry on a family tradition. Perhaps you could compromise with [name]Jackie[/name] [name]Robert[/name] and [name]James[/name] [name]Randall[/name]? A mixture of both the names? That way, they are [name]BOTH[/name] sort of getting to carry on the tradition, while each getting their own distinct name filled with equal meaning.
[name]One[/name] more thing to think about - it seems that you are pleasing everyone except yourself when it comes to naming your boys! Make sure you are happy too - afterall, YOU are the one bringing them into this world.
Congratulations on your twins! What an exciting blessing!
I was a counselor on an inpatient psych unit and am currently working on getting my license in social work
I do also agree with violetgray that you should be happy with both the names. You shouldn’t have to remember ex-bf [name]Jimmie[/name] every time you think of your son’s name!
What about naming the other twin after your father? You could use either his first or middle name up front and your grandfather’s name in the middle. That way, both boys have family names. Or what about your maiden name? Would that be usable up front?
My opinion is, if your DH badly wants to use that name, go for it. I really like the idea of using [name]Drew[/name]. You get the name without the craziness of everyone being called the same thing.
Since that was completely his pick I think you should choose a name that you absolutely love!
Then when you’re talking to your boys later about their names you can say, “Daddy picked your name because it meant so much to him and his family and I picked your name because it meant so much to me!”
Maybe you can even think of a derivation of your name or your mother/father’s that you really love.
However, I also understand that your husband wants to carry on a family tradition. Perhaps you could compromise with Jackie Robert and James Randall? A mixture of both the names? That way, they are BOTH sort of getting to carry on the tradition, while each getting their own distinct name filled with equal meaning.
One more thing to think about - it seems that you are pleasing everyone except yourself when it comes to naming your boys! Make sure you are happy too - afterall, YOU are the one bringing them into this world.
Since that was completely his pick I think you should choose a name that you absolutely love!
Then when you’re talking to your boys later about their names you can say, “Daddy picked your name because it meant so much to him and his family and I picked your name because it meant so much to me!”
What about the nn Ames for [name]James[/name]? I think that as long as you tell Twin B about his grandfather and highlight any special skills, life events, memories etc. it shouldn’t be too big of a deal. Inequality of names will not be enough to make one child feel inadequate, it can be a catalyst if those feelings are already there, but as long as you make both boys feel special and loved and are careful to avoid favoritism it will be okay. If you try to hold out for another son you may be disappointed and have only girls, or another set of twins even, and if passing on this name is truly important to your husband and his family you should do it now.
I agree. I’m glad you said that about it would be a catalyst but not the basis for rivalry. [name]Both[/name] names are extremely important to DH so I think they hold about equal weight, its just that there are physically 3 other men that we would see that drew would be named after and [name]James[/name]’ namesake has passed. Doesn’t make it any less important though.
Since that was completely his pick I think you should choose a name that you absolutely love!
I also agree with this. I love the name [name]James[/name] [name]Robert[/name], so long as I can use [name]Jake[/name] - but I don’t know if DH will be able to compromise. My point was that everyone will think [name]Drew[/name] is a nn for [name]Andrew[/name], so who cares if people think [name]Jake[/name] is [name]Jacob[/name]?
I suggested to DH using [name]Nolan[/name] [name]James[/name]. [name]Noel[/name] is another beloved uncle of his who is always around and I could see myself calling my son [name]Nolan[/name]. He just really like the idea of honoring his grandfathers - they meant a lot to him. I told him that I agreed, but if we couldn’t compromise on what to call him w/ a name we both liked that I don’t see what else we can do but change it. So well see…
What about naming the other twin after your father? You could use either his first or middle name up front and your grandfather’s name in the middle. That way, both boys have family names. Or what about your maiden name? Would that be usable up front?
My dad is [name]Daniel[/name] [name]Charles[/name] [name]Jr[/name]. I never met senior…Im pretty sure he died young of alcoholism, but no one ever talk about him. I don’t think he was a very good person. i love my Dad, but we haven’t always been super close and he’s got his problems too…i don’t know if he’s someone I would name my kid after. I also love my grandpa, but refuse to use [name]Gerald[/name] in any shape or form because I just don’t like it! lol. NOT cute on a little boy. My maiden name is very slavic (ends in -vich) and doesn’t make a good first name like English surnames do.
DH nixed [name]Jamie[/name] and its not my fave. I like that idea of feminine names, but the [name]Lorraine[/name] and [name]Irene[/name] don’t really work well and I don’t think Id name a kid after them either. [name]Love[/name] them, but just…can’t. We planned on using my grandmother’s middle ([name]Elizabeth[/name]) for a girl.
How about using Jameson as an alternative to James?
I like this, but I don’t think it goes well with [name]Drew[/name].
I like [name]James[/name] in theory…I really do. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to envision. There are a lot of great characters conjured when I think of [name]James[/name]. [name]Jesus[/name]’ brother, [name]James[/name] [name]Potter[/name], [name]James[/name] and the Giant Peach lol. [name]James[/name] really isn’t so bad. I could probably live with it. [name]Just[/name] when we are not talking about family names I tend to like things that are more unique. at least not in the top 100, so wrapping my mind around having a son with SUCH a popular name is kind of hard. Some days just [name]James[/name] grows on me, but then others I just don’t know.
I need all potential possibilities. Are you a therapist? [name]How[/name] do you know the one set of twins with rivalry issues?