Fear of getting pregnant & childbirth

[name]Hi[/name], all. I can’t find anything on Nameberry about this, so I figured I’d start a new thread.

Let me start by saying that I [name]LOVE[/name] names, and I have a personal list reserved in case I get pregnant, but that doesn’t automatically mean I intend to get pregnant. Since I got married, every single person I know has asked me or my mother or my husband at least once if I’m pregnant yet, which I find a little rude. And my family knows that I am terrified of getting pregnant (by terrified I mean nausea, hyperventilating and crying for hours after a short conversation/debate) but my family constantly pressures me as well. So anyway, I basically want to know just how realistic my fears are, as my doctor has given me shady answers like “Well, we’ll figure it out when the time comes”…I am using whatever responses I get here as a jumping-off point, and then I will do some heavy research. Thanks in advance to anyone who answers my questions.

Does acid reflux matter when you’re pregnant? (And interstitial cystitis, if anyone has that, and inflammatory bowel disease.) I am afraid that having acid reflux will make me vomit more than usual, having interstitial cystitis will make me have to wear a diaper, and having IBD will make any constipation severe.
What are the odds of ripping/tearing/the doctor cutting you with scissors? Especially 3rd or 4th degree tears. Has anyone had this happen? What was recovery like?
[name]How[/name] likely are you to get post-partum depression?
[name]Just[/name] [name]HOW[/name] many needles are you subjected to during the 9 months? I always pass out and cry.

Some people I know said all your health problems go away after you have a baby, but it seems like something they just say to calm me down. My mother’s cancer doctor told her the reason she got uterine cancer was partially because she never gave birth (she adopted). Another person I know said she was in perfect health until she had her baby, and everything rapidly went downhill from there, when she got fibromyalgia and ovarian cancer. Can anyone comment?

Thanks so much!

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but have you been to a psychologist about this? I’m not a professional, but it does seem like you have some type of severe anxiety disorder.

I hope that other berries will be able to ease your fears, even just a little.

It really has helped me to learn as much as I can about pregnancy and birth before going through it. The more I know about the birthing process and all the options available, the more comfortable and much less afraid I’ve been about giving birth. I’ve witnessed many live births through my medical education, gone through doula training, read many books, gone to a La Leche League Conference, watched documentaries like Pregnant in [name]America[/name] (free on Hulu or use Netflix), etc. You can have a gentle birth. There is even a book called Gentle Birth Choices by [name]Barbara[/name] [name]Harper[/name], R.N. I think being mentally prepared is a huge part in how you handle your labor. The medical community and the media have made birth seem like this scary, unnatural process and it’s a shame. As far as your question about tearing. There are things you can do to prevent tearing such as using oil (research what kind, I forgot what its called) and rubbing it there and doing moves to make that area stretch more. Also, giving birth on your back, not only goes against gravity but also puts more pressure on that delicate area where as if you’re on all fours or squatting, there’s much less pressure there and it more natural. Look into water births. Having a midwife and a doula is a great way to go. Having supportive people around that can educate you and you can be comfortable asking questions certainly will help ease your fears. The more you know the less anxious you may feel so read up as much as you can. I recommend Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn by [name]Penny[/name] Simpkin.

“every single person I know has asked me or my mother or my husband at least once if I’m pregnant yet, which I find a little rude.”

In response to this yes it is rude and it is nobody’s business but yours BUT every man and their dog will ask the question anyway so the answer is to give them a vague answer like, “I will probably fall pregnant about 30”.

“but my family constantly pressures me as well.”

Ask your family to show some sensitivity seeing as they understand your worries.

“I basically want to know just how realistic my fears are, as my doctor has given me shady answers like “Well, we’ll figure it out when the time comes”…I am using whatever responses I get here as a jumping-off point”

As far as I know MOST mothers give birth without any major setbacks, after all it is a natural occurrence and we do have wonderful doctors and hospitals to look after us these days. The doctors are very careful and keep a close eye on all their expectant mothers and you will need to find a doctor with whom you have a good rapport

… and inflammatory bowel disease.

My daughter has inflammatory bowel disease and has had two babies with no problems at all. [name]Don[/name]'t worry is the key.

What are the odds of ripping/tearing/the doctor cutting you with scissors? Especially 3rd or 4th degree tears. Has anyone had this happen? What was recovery like?"

I haven’t heard of this for some time but when I was young (in the 70’s the girls used to take salt baths to help recovery).

[name]How[/name] likely are you to get post-partum depression?"

I don’t have the answer to this but try and get as much sleep as possible and this will help offset any depression but remember young mothers can withstand a lot of pressure, lack of sleep etc without any real problems.

"My mother’s cancer doctor told her the reason she got uterine cancer was partially because she never gave birth. Another person I know said she was in perfect health until she had her baby. Can anyone comment?

I think people talk a lot of rot, I encourage you if necessary speak to a sympathetic professional eg your local doctor.


@amandaberry - Thank you! I will look into those books and also research water births and different positions and midwives. What is the difference between a midwife and a doula?

@rollo - Thanks for mentioning the IBD, it’s good to hear that. And the salt bath thing is very interesting! Thanks for your advice.

@agirlinred - I’m not quite sure what to say. I know you mean well, and I’m not offended. I just wonder if these are legitimate concerns I have, and I’m expressing my concerns all at once and they come off as something extreme? I am honestly very afraid of ripping and vomiting. Not pregnant, as I am now, my vomiting bouts (about once a year, down from when I was younger) last anywhere from six hours to a full day, on and off. I think it’s just how my stomach is made, or the acid reflux, but it does suck and I cry all day from the pain. So guaranteed nausea, for however many weeks, scares the crap out of me. And ripping…how can anyone NOT be afraid of that?! But, maybe I do need to see a psychiatrist for severe anxiety disorder, because it is not normal to have a panic attack when thinking about ripping or my own illnesses making pregnancy worse. Panic attacks generally aren’t normal to begin with. Then again, a lot of it, like rollo said, is stress, because I’m just overwhelmed by my family pressuring me and making it seem like I HAVE to have a baby, like my concerns are insignificant.

Not everyone gets nausea when they are expecting. I for one never had one day of nausea and I had two children.

I do feel for you as you have acid reflux, my darling granddaughter has had a terrible time of it with acid reflux. I would ask the doctor if he has any really good remedies to help you.


Nexium works really well, but my insurance refuses to cover it, even though I’ve tried everything else, so it is over a thousand dollars without my insurance. =(

Eek, that must be made of gold! Why won’t the insurance cover it? Sounds unfair.

PS I just have read online that 60mg of Losec daily should be equivalent to a dose of Nexium. However, please don’t take my word for it check with your doctor; and it comes in handy liquid form (from a compounding chemist) if you don’t like the capsules.

I went to school for psychology (I am a stay at home mom now.) and I, in my personal and professional opinion, suggest you see someone for an anxiety disorder. I think that you will completely benefit from it and you will have much better peace of mind. [name]DO[/name] you have other worries, besides pregnancy related? If you do then I 100% suggest going to talk to someone. I had severe anxiety as a teen, mostly pertaining to school and living up to expectations and was put on medication. After I finished school I started having anxiety over many other things including pregnancy. Not so much ripping or nausea but definitely needles/shots, something I always had a problem with as a teen. But I was introduced to the wonderful world of midwives and ended fine enough to have 4 boys and I am pregnant with my 5th boy.

I seriously suggest seeing someone, if not medication I think that they can help ease your mind about everything and make you feel much better!


Fear is normal, and please don’t get pregnant just to satisfy others. Pregnancy is difficult and hard, as birth is also. It is to date the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced - however, here I am, on baby #3, still alive and kickin’. There’s much to be said by facing something fearful and over coming it. I think it is a nice suggestion to perhaps investigate whether your anxiety is more severe than normal, but please know that I am not looking forward to birth #3. (P.s. - the intestinal disorders are potentially related to an anxiety disorder says my Master of [name]Science[/name] in Counseling Psychology - but there’s no way to diagnose anyone via a forum ;))

[Does acid reflux matter when you’re pregnant? (And interstitial cystitis, if anyone has that, and inflammatory bowel disease.) I am afraid that having acid reflux will make me vomit more than usual, having interstitial cystitis will make me have to wear a diaper, and having IBD will make any constipation severe.]

      • I do not have these diagnoses personally, but I do have what I affectionately call a “weird tummy”. I didn’t notice any major difference while pregnant other than normal nausea at different times. But nothing too unbearable. Your doctor may not know how to answer you as there is no way of telling how pregnancy will affect you. I would find others who have these syndromes to discuss pregnancy with to get a feel for it.
        [What are the odds of ripping/tearing/the doctor cutting you with scissors? Especially 3rd or 4th degree tears. Has anyone had this happen? What was recovery like?]
      • Everyone tears some of has an episiotomy. You can refuse an episiotomy if you wish, but if you want to do that, I would advise doing a [name]Bradley[/name] class program or something that will prepare you for the reality of natural childbirth and empower you with the right resources and information to help you accomplish that. With my first son, I had an emergency c-section due to complications. With my 2nd son, I birthed vaginally with stage 4 tearing. The tearing SUCKED - - the surgeon spent about 1 1/2 hrs reconstructing my rectum so that it was not joined with my vagina!!! HOWEVER - I INFINITELY preferred that recovery to that of the c-section. It took me prob 2 mos to fully recover - but, I did just that - fully recovered! (Thank God, and I mean that literally :)) I know some would disagree with me, but as far as I know, that is one of the worst kinds of tears and I still preferred it to the c-section. I also have theories that perhaps if I had not had an epidural and spent more time on my feet I may have not torn so much. But there’s just no way to tell. (I have a bad back so labor is very difficult for me so I opted for drugs -I hope not to 3rd time around but we’ll see.) Most of my friends have either had 1st-2nd degree tearing with or without an episiotomy and typically have recovered within the normal 6 weeks. I am a lovely rare case. :slight_smile:
        [name]How[/name] likely are you to get post-partum depression?
      • I would imagine the statistics on this are easy to look up just about anywhere. I have had a couple friends who have had it and yes, it was very tough for them. However, they all made it through. A good support system including spouse, family, and friends seemed to help them. Parenting has you face alllllll sorts of challenges - I think that over coming post-partum has helped those wonderful ladies become even stronger moms. But they are both women of strong faith and strong community, which is what I know brought them through.
        [name]Just[/name] [name]HOW[/name] many needles are you subjected to during the 9 months? I always pass out and cry.
      • This is probably something you just have to get over. :slight_smile: A good therapist could probably work with you on some relaxation techniques or aversion therapy. But really - - it’s not a big deal. There’s several times you get blood tests - but it’s just a pinch for a few moments and then it’s over with. You can’t psyche yourself up about it. Plus - it’s the first step in what I affectionately call “growing mom balls”. When you are a mommy, you definitely have to be strong for your kids. If one of my kids fall and bust their lip or scrape their knees, they need me to be calm, collected, reassuring. If I start freaking out - it makes it worse! So getting over having your blood drawn is the first of many moments you have to suck it up for the sake of your kids.

I think you are so precious for wanting to address your concerns. I sincerely hope that you will be able to overcome your fears and experience the [name]JOY[/name] of raising kids. It is a terrifying but also amazing experience in every way.

I don’t have an answer for your acid reflux question, but this sounds like something you could ask your OB or general doctor. I’m sure they could ease your fears with this. As to morning sickness/vomitting during pregnancy, it’s quite different for everyone. I have had morning sickness during all of my 1st trimesters, but I rarely threw up. I just felt sick to my stomach quite frequently. I know many women who experienced no morning sickness at all and some who had it quite severe. There are medications that are safe to take during pregancy that can treat morning sickness. Again, this is something you could talk to your doctor about.

What are the odds of ripping/tearing/the doctor cutting you with scissors? Especially 3rd or 4th degree tears. Has anyone had this happen? What was recovery like?

I can tell you that most newer OBs do not perform episiotomies (“cut you”) unless there is a good reason for it. For example, my sister had an episiotomy because the baby had shoulder dystocia and got stuck on her way out - but this situation is fairly rare. I went to an OB who had been practicing for decades and he gave me an episiotomy. Many “older” OBs routinely perform these because they are easier to stitch up than some tears - and that’s what I suspect happened in my case. (My new OB doesn’t do these unless necessary. She let me tear - a 2nd degree - with my 3rd DD and it didn’t take me long to heal. Maybe a week.) Keep in mind that I am generalizing and every doctor will be different. You can always ask address this question to your OB and see what answer you get. If you aren’t happy with his or her view, then find another doctor who better suits you.

I’ll admit, it was not fun to recover from my first episiotomy. It took a few weeks until sitting was comfortable again, but, during labor, it was the least of my concerns. I actually had an epidural so I couldn’t feel much of anything anyway. And many women who labor without pain medication do not comment much on the tearing. As hard as it might be to believe, there isn’t much feeling when this happens. If you are concerned about having an unnecessary episiotomy, you can always write up a birth plan and specify that you would like to avoid this unless it becomes medically necessary.

How likely are you to get post-partum depression?

I imagine this varies quite a bit. I can say that I had a short bout after the first of my 2nd daughter which was aggravated by sleep deprivation. But I have a tendency toward depression. As long as you are aware of the signs and symptoms, have a support system in place (like a caring partner/family), and are willing to seek help/treatment if needed - then you will be well prepared. It’s not an automatic guarantee that this will even be an issue for you, but, if it were, there are treatments and therapies that can help.

Just HOW many needles are you subjected to during the 9 months? I always pass out and cry.

There are blood tests. I get my blood draw every month or two, but I’m hypothyroid and my doctor monitors my thyroid levels closely during pregnancy because my medication often needs to be adjusted. There’s mainly the big blood panel taken during the 1st trimester (I remember 5 or 6 vials being taken, but it was done all at once), the 2nd trimester gestational diabetes screening, and then additional tests are done as needed.

I can tell you that I’ve been reasonably healthy before my pregnancies, and I remain healthy now. I’m pregnant with baby number four. I will say that my body shape has changed a bit (but nothing too dramatic) but the pregnancies have not in any way adversely affected my health.

I hope I’ve helped address some of your concerns. Like others have said, there’s no reason why you should rush into pregnancy until you feel comfortable with it. And try to brush off the comments of family members. Your decision to have a baby is yours and your partner’s alone. It’s no one else’s business.

To answer another question that you had: A midwife is like an OB in that she attends the birth and offers medical guidance. A licensed midwife is a medically trained professional, is familiar with normal birth, and can perform limited medical interventions if needed. They can’t perform surgery - so, if a c-section were necessary, or, if you had medical issues that went beyond their scope of practice, you would be transfered to an OB’s care. A doula, on the other hand, is NOT a medical professional. Her role is to offer the mother support during pregancy and labor. This can be invaluable for a woman who is planning a natural birth and wants support through contractions or to help be an advocate for her birth plan. They also often offer post-partum care for the mother following birth. This is just an “off the top of my head” answer, but I hope it’s helpful.

[name]Tristan[/name], thank you for the very helpful info! I now know it’s called an episiotomy. =) I have heard of a birth plan mentioned once before and it sounds like a good idea, along with water birth. And from everyone’s responses so far I have good questions to ask my OB. Oh, and you’re saying without the hypothyroid thing, there are relatively few blood draws (if you’re generally healthy)? Like 4 or so? That’s [name]WAY[/name] less than I thought.

I have two new questions for anyone with personal experience: #1 What is the epidural like? It goes directly into your spine, right? #2 [name]Do[/name] OB’s participate in water births? (This is something I can ask my doctor, but personal answers will make me feel better too.)

I recently gave birth to twins and was quite nervous about the delivery. The thing that helped me the most was continually telling myself (1) that every person has to be born so many many people have made it through the experience and (2) that my body was made to do this. Probably both stupid, obvious things but thinking about it helped me use logic to convince myself that I could do it. I read a book about delivery written by two doulas which was also really helpful because it was full of information that helped me feel more in control of the situation (in addition to reading the [name]Mayo[/name] Clinic’s guide to pregnancy which was good too).

The delivery was tough, but honestly not as bad as I had expected. I delivered both boys vaginally. As someone else suggested I found it much easier to be upright letting gravity help rather than on my back. One of the worst parts of the whole experience was laying on my back for the 30-40 minutes it took to monitor the babies right when I arrived to the delivery ward. I kept begging them to let me stand up. (Eventually they did- once they were sure the babies were doing well.) In fact being upright was so much more comfortable than being on my back that I changed my birth plan. I had intended to get an epidural but laying down for an hour and a half was just not going to happen so I didn’t have one at all. (This was a huge deal for me because I was really scared of the pain of the births before hand. I often pass out with extreme pain and I was worried as to how it would go, but I made it through the delivery with only nitrous oxide as a pain killer.) I had two minor tears and was stitched up and healed within a week or two. They are 11 weeks today and my worst continuing problem is hemorrhoid issues which you can get even if you’re not pregnant (and honestly it has lasted this long only because I ignored it for so long because I was so busy with the boys).

As for needles during the pregnancy, I think I got a finger prick each time I went to the midwife (perhaps 6 times total) to look at blood sugars and check my iron levels, and had blood drawn for tests probably twice. And I didn’t have any morning sickness to speak of- and I was pregnant with twins which they say can make the symptoms more intense- so it is by no means a guaranteed problem.

The # of blood draws really just depends. Like I said, there’s the big blood draw at the beginning of the pregnancy and the gestational diabetes screening in the 2nd trimester. In my first pregnancy, I failed the 1 hour GD screening and so I needed to have the three hour screening (which included 4 blood draws during the course of it). I also was diagnosed with GD so I needed to test my blood sugar periodically throughout the pregnancy (but it was just a finger prick - nothing like a blood draw). There are also some genetic screenings that you can have that also include blood draws. These, of course, aren’t mandatory and many women opt out of them for various reasons. If you encounter any health issues, then, of course, additional blood tests may be necessary. It’s hard to predict how many you may need, but, if everything is standard, then you won’t need that many. I can really only think of those first two that I mentioned. There may be another one that I’m not remembering, but I think that’s about it.

Yes, the epidural does get placed into your spine. I’ve had it done three times (for three different labors) and I remember feeling some pressure but not much pain. Plus, as soon as it starts working, the pain is no longer an issue anyway. :slight_smile: There are some potential side effects of epidurals that might be worth researching to see if it’s an option you are comfortable with, but I can say that my three were wonderful, did not interfere with my births (all of my girls were born vaginally), and I was very happy to have them.

OBs deliver at hospitals and I’ve never heard of an example where they participated in a water birth. I believe that it would depend on the hospital’s facilities and policies. I delivered my daughters at two different hospitals (we moved between girl #2 and girl #3) and both hospitals would have offered wireless monitoring and allowed me to labor in a bath. But when it came time to push, I would have had to relocate. Some OBs are comfortable with allowing the laboring woman to deliver/push in various positions, but most often they do prefer you do to it on your back. (This position is not always optimal for everyone - although I did not have any issues with it). If a water birth sounds like your thing, then you would probably want to find a midwife.

I haven’t been pregnant yet, but I have Interstitial Cystitis, occasional acid reflux, occasional bloating, and I can be anxious sometimes. My GP is convinced that my anxiety causes most of these physiological issues or at least makes them worse. After doing yoga for a few months and seeing how my acid reflux almost went completely away and my IC got a little better I believe anxiety makes physical maladies worse. The treatments I use are pretty cheap if you have health insurance. The most expensive thing is yoga class. Here’s a list of my “treatments” . . .

Anxiety - yoga class 4x a week, skip the therapist and just do the homework in this book: http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobias-Panic-Reneau-Peurifoy/dp/tags-on-product/0446692778

Interstital Cystitis - lidocaine, herapin, sodium bicarbonate bladder instillations for flares; wear loose clothing; the low acid diet: click on the picture of pasta for a pdf of the diet - http://www.ic-network.com/diet/dietcheatsheet.html
Some people say that their IC gets better when they’re pregnant because IC is partly hormone related and some people say it gets worse. I heard of one woman’s IC clearing up completely after she gave birth to her first child. If you’re afraid of leakage you should do kegels to strengthen your muscles. The IC network is great for IC questions: http://www.ic-network.com/patientlinks.html

Acid Reflux - In addition to my low acid diet and yoga I also sleep on this pillow at night and I don’t get problems from acid reflux anymore. http://www.amazon.com/Mabis-Healthcare-Foam-Wedge-Blue/dp/B0015KICLI/ref=pd_sbs_hpc1

Bloating - eat a low fat diet with water soluble fiber and plenty of water every day. Examples of IC friendly water soluble fiber: apples, oatmeal. Carrots, pears, and triscuits are great too.

The way I see it, a little fear about pregnancy is normal and healthy considering what a life changing and meaningful thing it is to bring life into the world, but allowing that fear to build and lead to physiological symptoms is bad for you. I’m afraid of pregnancy, giving birth, and raising a child; but I know I can do it. In the end giving birth is something that women have done throughout history. If they could do it, then we can do it. We have the benefit of access to better health care than was available to mothers in the old days too. If you think about the length of time of pregnancy, birth, and raising the child, the most difficult thing by far is raising the child. So really we should be more afraid of being good parents than giving birth and being pregnant.

[name]Hi[/name] Cristinamariane,
It sounds like you’ve had some really great responses so far. I would also recommend talking to somebody about your anxiety, or doing some things as a pp suggested, like yoga. I don’t think I can address all of your concerns, but I did want to say a few things.

  • Not everyone has morning sickness/vomiting during pregnancy. I am in the 1st trimester with baby #2, and I have thrown up once. I’ve noticed that my gag reflex is more sensitive, and I was a bit ‘vigorous’ while brushing my tongue that day. With my daughter, I didn’t throw up at all. As a pp mentioned, there are medications that are completely safe to take during pregnancy to treat morning sickness/vomiting.

  • With baby #1, I had heart burn all the time, not acid reflux, as far as I know, but Zantac and tums are also safe during pregnancy, and I found that incredibly helpful. A low acid diet was suggested, and that may be best for acid reflux, although I don’t know from personal experience.

  • Episitomy: To my knowledge, this is rarely performed now. My OB told me that a natural tear will heal more easily that a cut made by a dr because the tissue will fit back together, kind of like puzzle pieces, sitting together nicely. Sorry, that’s probably not the best explanation! There are things you can do as the due date approaches to help stretch the vagina a little, and prevent tearing. [name]Don[/name]'t worry, it’s nothing scary, and you will go back to normal after the baby is born. Also, not everyone tears severely. I think 3rd and 4th degree tears are in the minority. I was pretty worried about tearing, myself, but I tore very little with the birth of my daughter. I didn’t have any stitches, and I don’t think it would have even been considered a 1st degree tear, and was more like a scratch, on the side, not quite at the bottom, going into the perineum. Everyone is different, and you could have a 2nd degree tear, or nearly nothing, like me.

  • Post partum depression- ppd is more likely to occur if you have experienced depression in the past, but that does not mean that it will. I’ve never experienced depression, but did struggle for a few weeks after my daughter was born. I suppose it may have been post partum, but for me, my issues revolved around breast feeding. I had planned on breast feeding, and not considered anything else. I didn’t think I needed to. But for 22 days, I tried to breast feed my baby, and I wasn’t making enough milk. I felt like an absolute failure, and I had a really hard time letting go of my expectations, and accepting that plenty of healthy, happy babies are bottle fed. Once we switched to bottles, my daughter was satisfied, and full, and I was relieved that even though it hadn’t gone as I’d expected, my daughter was ok.

  • Regarding blood work: I’m in [name]Canada[/name], so here’s what I’ve got coming up right now: My dr wants a cbc (complete blood count, probably just to check for any anemia). Also, it’s standard in [name]Canada[/name], to test for std’s, and I’m doing 1st trimester screening (for chromosomal abnormalities in the baby). So, I will do all three of these things around 10/11 weeks, and then it’s just one needle. IN your second trimester, you’d have diabetes screening. You show up, drink a sugary drink, and then sit and wait an hour. Then they take one tube of blood. As far as I can remember that’s all I had, but it may be different if your dr has any particular concerns.

Lastly, I would like to point out that if you and your partner do want children, it’s ok to adopt! If you aren’t sure you’ll be able to overcome certain anxieties regarding pregnancy and childbirth, that doesn’t mean you can’t be a really amazing mother!!!

Good luck :o

@christinamariane- The difference between a midwife and a doula. A midwife will be there to talk about your birth plan and does prenatal check-ups and delivers your baby, they go through extensive training and have medical knowledge. To begin with, the midwives model of care is based on the fact that pregnancy and birth are normal events, which is a quite different view from physicians who view births as medical events. So, instead of focusing what’s wrong or what could be wrong, midwives focus on the fact that women are perfectly capable of giving birth and capitalizes on that. A midwife focuses on the natural processes of pregnancy, labor, and birth, she combines traditional skills and modern medical techniques to safeguard normal childbirth.There are two kinds of doulas, birth doulas and postpartum doulas. A birth doula will be there with the midwife at your birth and is a labor support professional experienced in childbirth who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support before, during, and just after childbirth. They are there to help you stay calm and strong during birth. I would strongly recommend one, especially with your particular fears. A postpartum doula is there to help take care of any needs and concerns you have after the baby is born.

So glad to hear you will be looking into the books and video and water and home birthing. I hope you learn a lot and feel confident in your abilities as a woman. :slight_smile: I’ll be happy to answer anymore question or at least find a reference for you :slight_smile: I wish you all the best!

@kjwalton9 - No other worries, just those about certain aspects of pregnancy/childbirth.

As a side note, I have been looking online for personal experiences and pictures, and while I realize not everyone posts their stories, and not every story happens to be online for me to read about, I am beginning to think I am not wrong to be so scared about ripping. I stand by my opinion that ripping is some scary ****, and I have every right to be freaked out. I don’t think that I need psychiatric help for being afraid of my vagina literally tearing apart. Other people are afraid of spiders and snakes, I’m afraid of ripping. There. I also found some gems regarding c-sections. I have a friend who had two already and made it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world, but she seems to be the only one.

@latergator - Thank you for being honest! And thank you for not sugar coating your tearing experience, although I do understand it was “a rare case,” and that it may not happen to me. You seem like a very strong, intelligent woman. I have never heard of a [name]Bradley[/name] class, so that is something I will also look into. About your friends that had post partum depression, what were some of the symptoms? Were they different per friend? [name]Just[/name] curious, but you don’t have to answer. Also, congrats on your current pregnancy!

@zaelia - I will check out the [name]Mayo[/name] Clinic’s info, thank you. Also, I didn’t know nitrous oxide was an option! That might help me if I get pregnant, since I’m allergic to certain major pain killers but I don’t know about any I haven’t already tried. Narco, valuum, and vicodin are out of the question. And the more I hear about not laying down during childbirth, the better it sounds! Congrats on your twins!

@[name]Tristan[/name] - As much as I don’t like the sound of “the big blood draw,” I think it is something I can handle within roughly a 9 month period of time. It looks like if the time ever comes I am going to have to find a good midwife. I can see positives and negatives with both a hospital birth and a water birth (at home, right?) but in the end the freedom to move and the comfort of water will probably win out. When I get my inflammable bowel thing, I prefer to take a hot bath.

@Skylark - I visit that I.C. website as well. I have found that the foods/beverages that trigger some people will be different for me. For example, a lot of them say chocolate hurts them, but I do great with it. Elmiron does the trick in treating it, but my insurance company is seriously messed up. They don’t cover the two medications I need most (I pay over $300 for Elmiron) but everything I don’t really need is only $10. Alkalized water seems to help both the I.C. and acid reflux, so when I take the correct meds, drink the right water, and eat the right foods, I’m gold. I also do yoga on and off, and it does make me feel less physically stressed, and lighter, but I haven’t noticed any changes with my I.C. or acid reflux.

@labmama - Congrats on your pregnancy! It is good to know there is a medication for the nausea, if I would get it. Also, I really don’t like the idea of an episiotomy, and the way you explained not getting one made sense to me. I think I will make it a point to my potential future OB or midwife that I don’t want one. And thank you for your opinion on adoption. I myself am adopted, and I have been making a case for it with my husband, sort of like making it a tradition while avoiding my fear of childbirth at the same time, among many others reasons. But he thinks, even seeing my relationship with my adoptive parents and how great it is, that he would not be able to love the child the same as if it was “ours.” (Not to mention the cost.) If he had already agreed to it, I would not have even posted this topic.