Please help me find the love for my son’s name.
I read a similar post from another distressed mother who posted it a few years ago and the replies she got were so kind and helpful that I thought I’d put myself out there here too and hope you’ll be gentle on me because this is painful enough as it is.
Some of it may be postpartum hormone stuff, but I am struggling to love and connect with his name. I really need to find peace with it… He is now almost six months old. I am sorry this got so long!
Background:
This is our first son, and we had a tough time naming him. He was a premature baby so it wasn’t an easy start and the stress of naming him and registering his name under those circumstances was especially hard. We had a short list before he was born but decided to wait until he was born to name him, which may not have been helpful in the end!
I liked some more traditional names (Alfred, [name_m]Albert[/name_m], [name_m]Ernest[/name_m], [name_u]Noah[/name_u] are all lovely names and with hindsight maybe I should have gone with a traditional name) but my partner is a tennis coach and he said no to several names because he knows hundreds of children so wanted something a bit different. At one point we even considered inventing a name
to be unique. With hindsight perhaps I should have asked friends and family for advice before naming our baby but we were worried people would be cruel about our choices so decided not to in case their views spoiled it for us. Maybe that was silly of me.
We named our baby boy [name_m]Acer[/name_m] [name_u]Rio[/name_u]. We both love nature and we fell in love walking among the autumnal leaves… the maple trees in particular (Acer in Latin) and we met playing tennis (reference to ace) and this was our first (ace) baby who excelled (ace) even as a tiny premature baby. We also went to [name_u]Rio[/name_u] de Janeiro (Brazil) for our first big trip away from home, I’m half Brazilian and we love wild swimming (Rio means river in Portuguese) and [name_u]Rio[/name_u] de Janeiro is a natural wonder of the world, as is our baby so there you have it. [name_m]Little[/name_m] [name_m]Acer[/name_m] [name_u]Rio[/name_u]. His nickname is [name_u]Acey[/name_u].
I should say that it took us ages to register him and we did it as late as possible (because I was stressing so much) and by that point we just needed to pick a name.
Anyway, that’s where we got to and I like the reasoning behind it but I just wish I had more of a fuzzy warm feeling about his name and that I just knew that I love it! I wanted this to be more than just liking the name but a feeling in my gut!! If you know what I mean.
Since naming him and announcing it to family and friends, I have found out information that has made me panic that I’ve made the wrong decision. Someone pronounced it in a way that sounded harsh, and I decided to look it up (mistake!) and turns out that the actual meaning of the word in Latin is sharp, bitter, pointed (presumably this is why the maple tree with its beautiful yet pointy leaves is called Acer). I wish I had never found this out! Secondly I have been reminded of the computer brand [name_m]Acer[/name_m]. I don’t want my son associated with a computer and he is certainly not bitter. I also don’t like the nickname [name_u]Ace[/name_u] and a little worried people will use that. Apparently it means asexual?Finally, we hope to have more children and I don’t know if I need to find names that will go well together and if I have a second boy and call him [name_m]Alfred[/name_m] for example, that just wont ‘go’ with [name_m]Acer[/name_m] , if you know what I mean!
[name_f]My[/name_f] mum has said that as a grown up, he can be [name_m]Acer[/name_m] as someone important and will be taken seriously but equally [name_u]Acey[/name_u] will work as a friendly nickname. She isnt worried aboit the sharp, bitter reference and thinks [name_m]Acer[/name_m] has a good ring to it. she explained that although it’s very unusual that she has grown to like it.
But here is the problem – my partner really likes the name (he doesn’t associate our baby with sharp, pointed, bitter etc either! Whereas I’m being obsessive about that!) and I was hoping I would grow to love it, but I still don’t. We don’t often call our son his name, I just say “love”’ “bean”’ “little man” which probably doesn’t help!! I haven’t got used to it! It’s therefore especially weird when I hear others say his name.
I do like his name on paper and in theory, but I was just hoping to feel more love for it in practice. It’s no doubt because I have done so much overthinking!
I feel sad and ashamed.
So how do you get past it? Giving your child a name you like on paper but don’t love in your gut? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you grow to love it in time?
Sorry to think out loud over here, I just don’t know where else to vent! Any suggestions how I can connect with his name? It’s not as if I dislike or cringe at his name, I just need to find the love for it.
Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated. But please don’t quote me because I will likely come back and delete this later on.
Really hoping you’ll be nice to me and that some of you will have some nice things to say about his name (I’m so nervous to post
This!!). I think I would feel better if I read posts saying people like his name. That’s partly my fear, people not liking it and him struggling with that. It’s been really difficult for me to write this post and I’m weirdly protective of my son’s name even though that might sound like a contradiction!
Thank you very much if you made it this far!