This thread asking about whether there are many active male posters on the site
got me wondering, how interested are the men in your life in naming babies?
It’s pretty evident that most of the people who come here, and other naming boards, are female. Is this because guys really don’t care that much, take an interest, or is it because they just don’t take it to a level of being active on a message board (side question, are women more active on message boards than guys?). Or, (a provocative question) are naming boards off putting to guys for some reason (social stigma, or something else)?
[name]Just[/name] curious what other people’s takes are on this and see where, if at all, the conversation goes.
Interesting post! Most of the guys I know are teenagers or family, and the teenagers and my brother aren’t very interested in names at all. My dad was quite involved in the naming of my siblings and I, from what I know, it was as much what he wanted as what she wanted, but I don’t think he cares about names very much, he just wanted names he would like calling for a couple of decades.
My mom doesn’t get the idea of a name message board at all. She thinks it’s ridiculous, haha. She never would have consulted one were they around when I was born; if she named a baby in nine months there is no way she would consult a name board even then. She thinks that she and her husband can figure it out, she doesn’t need to succumb to groveling for advice on a name forum. That’s just how she is. I can imagine a lot of guys think that way, too–they think they can “do it themselves” and don’t need the advice. I am very grateful I got onto name boards when I did, though, when I first got seriously interested in names my children would have probably been [name]Bailey[/name] [name]Maria[/name] and [name]Aidan[/name] [name]Joshua[/name]. Fine names but way too trendy for me now, haha. And I’ll definitely consult a name board or two when I’m actually starting my family.
A lot of this is conjecture, but it seems like that’s how a lot of the guys are who have a partner who’s on a naming board–they see it as a bit ridiculous/silly/unnecessary, “but it’s your world, do what you want” sort of mentality.
If saying no to everything I like, but not suggesting a single name is taking an interest then yeah, the man in my life is very interested. :rolleyes:
There is a guy at work that takes an interest to the newborns in the Thursday’s paper. But that’s more of a ‘what clunkers do we have today’ type way. But he reads them nonetheless.
I don’t think it’s a stigma at all, I would have to say I think most men are genuinely disinterested in names. With that said, when it comes to naming an actual human being, the fact that they say ‘no’ and not ‘whatever you want dear’ indicates that they at least care a little.
My ex and I discussed baby names and while he was very opinionated, I can’t see him ever participating in a site like this. I think this is probably because he was so opinionated–if he wouldn’t accept advice or suggestions from me and I was to be the baby’s mother, I doubt he’d take them from strangers.
A guy friend has a distinct favorite, [name]Sophie[/name]/[name]Sophia[/name], but when asked had no other favorites for either boy or girl.
Otherwise I think the guys I know mostly just have names they don’t like or think are weird, without really having any they do particularly like. I feel very grateful that the input I’m getting on my baby is along the lines of “I like this one of your favorites more than this other one of your favorites” instead of vetoing my entire list and either having no suggestions or insisting on a name I hate.
Oh yea, my dad, who was very much a “whatever you want, dear” kind of husband talked my mom off the ledge of naming me Sweet Pea. [name]One[/name] of the advantages of not insisting on your own way very often is that when you do speak up against something, people know you must be really serious about it.
My boyfriend is very interested in the naming process for our baby, but not in names in general. He actually made a very nice long list of names (took him a long time too!). But he wouldn’t join a messaging board… although he does have a lot of opinions. He checks in on our threads a lot, and I know he looks at other thread as well.
Most men I know are interested, just not to the same extent as many women are. I think they have been happy having their wives/girlfriends coming up with the names, and then just vetoing the names. It was quite funny when two of my gay friends adopted a year ago, neither of them knew where to start! They did an excellent job in the end, but it was quite hilarious watching!
Funny, because in most cases I know, it’s the father who has a very fixed idea of what the name of the children will be and the mother ends up giving in. Especially when there are juniors involved (I always find it interesting that in [name]America[/name] naming sons after the dad is still super common but naming after the mother - which was also traditional - as all but disappeared).
Well in my case, my husband isn’t all that into names, but he cares somewhat. He doesn’t look up names or anything. I just shoot names at him and he tells me if he likes it or not. If he doesn’t like it, he makes it pretty well known, so he does care, he just doesn’t care to the extent where he’ll look up names himself. I think that’s the laziness in most men.
My husband actually really enjoys discussing names, our taste is a little different, but he has opinions and thinks its interesting.
As to why…two things come to mind, I think more women tend to take the lead on names. Ideally it would be 50-50 but I do think a lot of fathers are likely to take the “ok or veto” role.
For younger name nerds, i think more women tend to fantasize about future families (huge generalization obviously, but I’d say a larger percentage of women do this) and I think naming tags right onto that.
Second, I think a lot of really language-oriented people tend to also love names. People (esp teenage girls on here) who write, are interested in where words come from, language & cultures, etc… While both men and women fall in this catagory, I do think you’ll find more women with those interests.
My husband was very helpful in naming our baby. We actually went with his final choice which I also loved for our first child. He has been helpful so far in narrowing down our choices this time too. [name]Milos[/name], [name]Giovanni[/name], [name]Jozef[/name], and [name]Stefan[/name] for a boy and [name]Gianna[/name], [name]Sophia[/name], [name]Conchetta[/name], and [name]Stefania[/name] for a girl. I love them all! We still have some time, so they might change over the next several months. My Brothers and my Father-in-law also have given some opinions. It’s nice when the family gets chatting over favorites. We haven’t felt any pressure though. They just give opinions which is really nice.
I know a lot of men who are fathers and in their late 20’s to early 50’s with children the same ages as mine. I think it totally depends on many different factors…for example the father to be who is [name]Richard[/name] [name]James[/name] the 3rd so its a done deal that the first born baby boy will be [name]Richard[/name] [name]James[/name] the 4th. Or, the dad who liked a name their wife has loved for years and himself then also fell in love with this name being able to claim “we both loved this name”.
I do know dad’s who basically gave their blessing or veto of a name and 9 times out of 10 its the mom who wants a name chosen by the time they find out the gender around half way into the pregnancy so everyone can also start callingbbaby “[name]Emma[/name] [name]Grace[/name]” from 20 weeks gestation on.
My own DH is not as into names as I am (I tend to obsess a wee bit more than the average person, lol ) but will talk names with me and is not of afraid of the unusual as many men we know. Now he doesn’t get into websites, books etc that discuss names but will remember if he hears a name that is unusual and tell me about it. (And over the years i have taught him that when he hears a person at work has had a baby, to remember the first and middlr name and tell me right away!) I think in general if he was soley responsible for naming our kids, they would have names like [name]Patrick[/name] and [name]Allison[/name], but we compromise for each other and so far its worked out great as we both love the names of all the kids.
I agree that a lot of women start thinking about names long before they ever even think of ttc and may have favorites picked out when they’re young girls already, whereas men might not think of names until there’s a baby coming that happens to need a name. Also, if a guy has a name he likes, he knows ahead of time if it’s going to work with his last name. I always knew I wanted kids, but that I’d have to be flexible on my favorites until I knew what their last name would be.
I think the mother should get a little more say in the naming, as the child will have the father’s last name and all the history that goes with it. If she wants to honor her own family, it’s going to have to come in one of the other names. I don’t think she should steamroll the dad, but he’s already got a big part of the kid’s name honoring him so he should at least try to be flexible.
I haven’t read all the replies in depth, so I may be repeating ideas. My husband is more than willing to discuss names, but doesn’t actively search any out.
I think these message boards assume everyone is female, which may put men off (opening posts with “Hey ladies” or closing with “thanks ladies.” I also know women who take the stance that “I’m having the baby, so I get to name it” or at least they feel like they need to take the initiative to find names. Obviously, these situations don’t apply to everyone.
We also tend to judge women more harshly when we see an unusual or misspelled name. “That poor woman’s child” or “She’s crazy to name her child that.” We completely disregard the other half of the partnership–the man (assuming the couple is heterosexual) If men feel disregarded in the naming process, they might be more inclined to preemptively check out of it. It’s too bad!
I’m by no means a biological essentialist, but I do think stereotypes exist for a reason, and I also think that men and women are fundamentally quite different. Women are, have been, and I predict always will be, much more interested in anything related to pregnancy, babies, and child-rearing. Names absolutely fall into this category. While fathers obviously are interested in and love their children, few of them have extremely strong-felt philosophical notions about any of these topics.
Obviously there are many exceptions to this sweeping generalization. Men become pediatricians, design strollers, and even write baby naming books. But most of the nitty-gritty falls to the girls.
my husband is not overly active in the name search, he’ll flip through books without really finding anything. I make lists and kill myself over finding names, which he then looks over and for the most part vetoes. It’s very frustrating. So I would say that’s our process, I find the names, and we argue the lists down until we have one we can agree on. But it is very much a mutual choice at the end.
Most men I know aren’t particularly interested in names in general. Specifically naming is a bit different since it involves how a person will be perceived throughout their life.
Regarding activity on message boards, I’ve been a member of many different boards over the years and generally woman outnumber men and are more active. [name]Even[/name] on boards that are more male focused–like gaming boards, political/philosophical argument boards, news/mischief boards (lol)–the numbers are about equal when it comes to actual activity. I think it’s just nature that women are more interested in other people’s opinions and in relating to other people. Not that men aren’t at all, it’s just a more naturally female trait. There’s not a lot of competition on most boards.
The only male I usually discuss names with is my boyfriend. We are still a few years away from starting a family, but he patiently and tolerantly put up with my constant list making and name discussions. He almost never provides any input or gives any suggestions (the only name I can recall him suggesting is [name]Callum[/name], which I really do love now).
I once asked my mother if my dad was much help naming my brother and I. Apparently not.
After reading this interesting thread - I definitely agree with lineska’s insights into this topic.
My brother is actually quite interested in names and name meanings, he especially likes Greek names (he loves reading old Greek books!) and names with cool meanings. Other than him though I can’t really think of any male’s who like name meanings, I am the only one of us kids who my Daddy named.
My husband is pretty interested…in fact he is always threatening to become a berry! He prides himself in his ability to figure out how any name could be teased because he has the immature humor of a middle school boy! He also hates’normal’ names…honestly he’s a better name nerd than me!
Keep in mind my husband, while he is burly & tattooed, isn’t super macho. He loves cooking, art, dancing like a fool, grew up doing gymnastics, so he isn’t the type to think of naming or anything baby related as women’s work!
Aside from that no one in my life is that into names though! At least no one discusses them outside of pregnancy!
