I find it so annoying when women being up the “everything I’m giving up” argument. No one is forcing you to have a child. it is just as much your child as his. Why shouldn’t he have some say in what the baby is named? [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it is just to reject options (as my husband does). I think as name nerds, we get so caught up in the idea of the perfect name that we forget about the new little person who has to live with that name and the people around him/her who have to use it. I think it’s really unfair to men to take them out of the naming process, unless they leave it up to you.
I could never choose a name my SO wasn’t happy with. My future children aren’t just going to be MY children, but OUR children. Yes, I find the “no cervix, no say” method to be funny, but I would never actually do it.
[name_m]How[/name_m] much say should men have in baby naming? [name_m]Just[/name_m] as much say as the women!? Clearly I’m not experienced in this area seeing as I don’t have any children (and both my mum and two of my aunts have had children with men who have left them or died, so they have, unfortunately, been the only ones in charge of the name decisioning), but if I was in a happy relationship/marriage I would never dream of claiming the sole right to name any possible children. That’s just plain rude. Clearly there are circumstances in which women unfortunately are left alone/abandoned by their SO’s, and then it’s obviously her choice, but if you’re in a committed relationship with someone and you have a kid together, I totally don’t see why a man should have less say in the baby naming.
Hm. Men should be allowed to name too. [name_m]Just[/name_m] because women carry them and everything, men have a say too - women would be unable to be pregnant without men. But I can see the trouble, if a man vetoes every name - but refuses to come up with his own suggestions, so you can come up to a compromise.
My friend named her daughter after her second cousin who died, when we were 14 - but the middle name is an alteration of her ex-boyfriend’s mother’s name. That’s a compromise.
Men should have equal say in the naming process. The baby is just as much his child as it is the woman’s.
While I found the article to be a bit sexist in general, I do have to say there is a point with the whole “rejection” thing.
It annoys me to no end when I work so hard to come up with a LIST of names I really like only to have DH say something extrememly insensitive about the one I really really like, or to say he doesn’t really like any of them, but then not come up with any good suggestions himself.
And then when he does come up with names, half of them are joke names, like the names of cartoon characters, comic book heros, or names that sound like a joke when strung together. 
Not funny.
But of course I don’t want to say anything to hurt his feelings just in case he really was serious about naming the kid one of those names.
Our main problem is he likes fairly boring or really common names OR really really odd ones.
I like classic and romantic sounding names that aren’t too common.
Last time, I really wanted to name our daughter Rose. he wouldn’t go for that. He wanted to name her something like Esperanza (after Zorro’s wife. Never mind we aren’t hispanic and couldn’t figure out a good nick name).
So I tried with a whole LIST of names that used Rose, he rejected all of them.
So I picked a name from his list that I thought sounded good with Rose. It was a compromise and I kind of regret it now, because his name JUMPED in popularity, where as some of the other names from our list did not.
Now I’m fighting a little harder this time to try to find a name we both like, but if he isn’t going to contribute…I might just win by default. I am, after all, the one who will be filling out the Birth Certificate. He never takes care of any of the general paperwork of running a household.
But does that mean he doesn’t get a say…of course not. I just have ultimate veto power just as he has veto power if the name I really like doesn’t suit him. Its supposed to be a compromise.
I would do the same thing in her position, just not for the same reason. I wouldn’t say “Well I gave up alcohol so I’m naming this baby!” But if I am listing name after name and only getting rejections, and no suggestions. Well then, until you can at least give me SOME input, then this is what it will be.
The child WILL need a name at some point, and if you are truly not being helpful and working with me, then I have to take it into my own hands. If you genuinely don’t want to name our child the name I have chosen, then by all means, give me some suggestions.
I don’t agree with the “I’m the pregnant one making all of these sacrifices, so I solely have naming priviledges” attitude.
The issue is very couple specific. It is not always the mother who cares more about what the name is than the father. It is not always the mother who has better taste in names than the father. There are times when the father is really happy not to have to deal with the naming issue. There are times when the mother is really happy not to deal with the naming issue.
It is also important to realize that it is not always possible to find a name both parties love and compromise on the name with any given child might not work. Sometimes one partner can choose the formal name and the other nickname or one the first name and the other the second name. Sometimes one just has to give in to the other with the understanding that the “losing” party will have a bigger say in the naming of the next child.
We should also remember in the past, men often determined the child’s name with the mother having very little say in it. My aunt married a man in which the oldest son was always given the same name as his father, grandfather, great grandfather - the tradition had been going on for about 10 generations. She didn’t care of the name at all and wasn’t found of the tradition (and I wonder how many of the mothers in the previous name generations felt the same?). But in the end, you either follow the tradition or not and one side is going to lose. In another example, based on family traditions, my ex’s mother had only two names she could choose from - his father’s name or his paternal grandfather’s name. Though she liked neither name, she chose the name she disliked least.
I think the biggest problem arises when the parents are not equal partners in the process. In the article, the husband shows a laziness, arrogance, and perhaps an ulterior motive (perhaps he has a name he wants to use that he is waiting for her find) in rejecting all suggestions and offering none of his own. In that case, I would give him a list of 5 names that I would be happy to use and ak him to choose one.
50 percent. Simple answer.
Yup. Several others have said it as well, but I couldn’t be bothered copying and pasting five times ;).
Husband and I have an equal say in the names which can be frustrating, but that’s how it is. I also don’t see being pregnant as a burden, I love being the one who grows our little ones. I also realise that for him the baby is more abstract as he doesn’t have the same connection as I do to the little bunny.
My husband used the “rejection method” of naming too, so I can understand how frustrating this is. I didn’t mean he suddenly got no say in naming our kids though. I once had him sit down with a book of baby names and actually tell me which ones he liked so that we could begin a real discussion. I do think he preferred it when I suggested the names and he could tell me whether or liked or didn’t like each one because it was easier for him. I really was doing all the work.
There was definitely much compromise when we named our daughters. My husband had strong opinions when it came to their names and so he certainly had some input. Our first daughter was easy to name because we both agreed on her name very quickly. My husband had more say with our second daughter. I felt that her name was the biggest compromise for me. We agreed easily with our 3rd daughter because her first name was on the long list of names that we had put together before. I had to spend a lot of time (three pregnancies, in fact) convincing my husband to use the name which is now our 4th daughter’s first name. He eventually compromised on her first name but then became more particular about her middle name.
My hubby also was fond of the rejection method! However naming our babies was a joint decision as it should be. Compromises have to be made but that’s part of marriage! I insisted on family names from my side of the family as middle names as the kids had my hubby’s surname. First names were a joint decision.
Let’s be real here, if you want full child-naming privileges then just commit to being a single mother from the get-go and save yourself the horror and hassle of a dissenting opinion. (I’m being completely sarcastic here, although I can say firsthand that it is one of the perks.) 
I do absolutely loathe the rejection method of naming, and it is sort of my husband’s [name_u]MO[/name_u]. In fact, he really can’t handle more than five or ten names in one sitting…once I get up into double digits, they just get an automatic veto based on the fact that he’s overwhelmed.
However, I loathe the entitlement argument even more! The ability to compromise is the foundation of a successful relationship, and that applies to all decision-making, including the naming process. The condescending attitude of the author is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. By her logic, the partner who is working full-time and providing for the family would get sole decision-making power over how the money is spent, and I can guarantee if that was actually happening in her life there would be an uproar. This [name_u]Rebel[/name_u] and I must have very different ideas about feminism; in her version, it apparently means a woman’s right to be an a-hole >_<
Word.
I agree with several others as well but especially this.
I think that it all has to do with how the couple approaches gender roles. If they’re very traditional and Mom is a SAHM who does all of the home related duties and Dad is in the financial provider role and not very involved in childcare duties they might view baby naming as “women’s work”, but a couple who split childcare 50/50 (or close, or try to) will probably do the same with naming. I know that my dad just let my mom pick my name and he gave suggestions for my sisters name and picked her middle. It also has a lot to do with the Father’s views on personal style. I tend to think that men who let their wives shop for their clothing have less interest in naming choices. My husband has his own style, is a visual artist, helps care for our daughter when he’s home from work, and he was very active in the naming process…though it was more vetoing than suggesting!
This is simply a case by case situation. I always tell my husband that I am the one who gets to name all of our kids due to carrying them, but I am teasing. [name_m]Just[/name_m] like he’s teasing when he says that he wants to name our son “Wrussle”…I hope.
Haha. Funny article.
I’m kinda with her, though. Especially if your partner isn’t even contributing to the list of possibilities. I’m really thankful that my husband has similar taste in naming style as I do, although mine may lean a bit quirkier than his. So if I completely fall in love with a name, and he’s not 100% sold on it, I could see my pregnant self being like, “Okay, well, last time I checked, I’M the one birthing this child, you don’t have an option that I like better, so this is it!”
When I got pregnant I announced that I was using my last name for the baby. To my surprise he didn’t argue, I actually jumped right into defending my choice when I clued in that he was nodding in agreement. Wait, really? He said something along the lines of “The name doesn’t matter, it’s the least significant aspect of our child. Who our baby is, and how we care for it is the important thing.”
I’m glad he feels this way. He’s so evolved. I am not, so this is going down as a victory. That also means that I get to pick the child’s first and middle names too. The names I like a really uncommon, fairytale meets hippy.
The only name he has contributed thus far is “Identity” He was only half joking, he thinks a succinct way of pointing out how rubbish the convention of using names to label an entire person are. I’m not really considering it as a name, but a teensy part of me likes it for a girl.
Anyways, the point is the name doesn’t ultimately matter. But if we’re being honest, I have a deep rooted irrational belief that a name shapes a person, and I want people to meet my kid and think wow, how beautiful and rare. Maybe the names we like reflect our wishes for our children - which is sort of sweet. It’s not the dad saying he prefers name X to Name Y he’s saying I want this for my kid instead of what I think of when I hear the name you pick.
I kind of threatened my husband recently that if he didn’t want to be more involved with naming this baby I would do it myself and he could just shut up. I was fed up with his “shoot 'em down” method. He was even trying to VETO names that he had told me before (while naming our first) that he liked. I had a list of about 20 names - he took a quick glance and straight out told me he didn’t really like any of them, without offering any suggestions of his own. So I told him he had 3 options. He could rate the names from my list on a scale of 1-5, or he could come up with his own list of at least 5 suggestions, OR he could shut up since he obviously doesn’t care, and I’d name her myself. I felt bad for threatening him like that but hey I’m a hormonal preggo chasing a 1 year old around all day… Anyway, it worked. He looked through my list the next day & rated a scale of 1-5 and found a few that upon actually considering, he decided he does like. I call that progress.