Ideal Amount of Children?

Hey y’all! [name_f]My[/name_f] family is from [name_u]Texas[/name_u] but is temporarily living in the UK for DH’s work. I was talking about amount of children with a neighbor and when I mentioned that we were planning to have one or two more children, my neighbor was shocked! Would you consider this to be a “cultural” (lack of a better word) thing? How many do you want? This may be a silly prompt but I was just curious as it felt like a big shock to us both, lol! :grin:

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i want six, and i always have! i love the idea of big families, mostly because i grew up with only one other child in the house. i’d say the ideal amount of children is however many you feel is right for your family!

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I live in [name_u]Texas[/name_u], and I know a lot of really big families. Because [name_u]Texas[/name_u] is [name_u]Southern[/name_u] and part of the conservative Bible Belt, I think you get more families with lots of kids. Also, if you are out in the country, I would assume people have more kids there compared with big city areas.

Anyways, I would like four children! It feels nice and even, and just busy enough for me!

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I’m from the US [name_u]South[/name_u] and now live in the Northeast - I definitely knew a lot more bigger families before coming here. Most (?) people I see now have maybe two kids. Whereas, in the [name_u]South[/name_u], a minimum of three was much more common. I’m also Jewish and so I know a lot of more religious (Orthodox, Chasidic) families with 6+ including one family who ended up with 3 under 13 months with a singleton and twins.

I think the ideal amount of children is whatever feels right for your family - as long as you’re having them to love and care for them, not just to have more kids.

For me, I think 4 would be ideal - 3 may be more realistic. [name_f]My[/name_f] mindset is that I would do anything to have 2 - I would love, love, love to have 3 - and 4 would be the cherry on top if I was lucky enough to have the option and opportunity.

I’m an only child who always wanted siblings and it’s very important to me that my kids have siblings. I’ve worked as a nanny and teacher before so I feel comfortable around lots of kids. I told someone once at a party I was babysitting for that I can handle 5 kids at a time but if you throw in a 6th things start to get wild lol.

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I feel like I would want 1-3 children I think that’s also the average what most families in my area have.

Besides the cultural part the general living costs can also play a big role. In my area housing is insane (if you manage to find something lol) and even before the crisis prices for gas etc. have been high compared to other countries. I heard that in the usa things are generally cheaper because you pay less taxes on them. I think that could stop a lot of families from having more children.

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I’m also from [name_u]Texas[/name_u] :cowboy_hat_face::wave: I have 3 kids now and that will be it for me but if i could have had 4 I would have.
I think there is a trend toward smaller families in general but I do still see plenty of families with 4+ kids.

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Not a parent but I’m from Texas as well, and I’m one of four. I think it’s especially prevalent in Texas to have multiple kids, especially 3+. Not to mention the Bible Belt often means larger religious families, since i was friends with several Mennonite groups and such. I think overall, there is no “perfect” amount of kids. Only the perfect amount of kids for you. Personally I would like 5. :blush:

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For me, it’d be more than one, but no more than five :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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2 for me. I already have a son and pregnant with my second. I think a family of 4 is perfect and even! I’m in the UK and having 2-3 kids is the norm here.

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From the US Southwest with plans to move to the East Coast — probably New England.

I’m very much the same. As I will be having children so late in my life, I will be thrilled to have as many as I can (and adoption is an option for me).

As one of three, I want a larger family. In my family, the odd number led to one person always being left out (usually me as I’m the only female). While I would love having three, the even number (for me) would be ideal.

Agreed.

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Im from [name_u]East[/name_u] coast US from a family of 6, and I definitely didn’t know many families that size. People are typically very surprised when I say that, but then less surprised if they learn my youngest 2 brothers are adopted.

Having been the 4th/6 it would feel very strange and empty to have a small family so I’ve always pictured myself having at least 3 kids but more likely 4. Who knows until I actually start having them though!

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I’m a Texan as well, and I’ve always dreamed of a big family! 4 or 5 children would be ideal, but realistically 2 is what I’ll most likely have. DH & I would also be starting a family a bit later than normal, so only time will tell for us.

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I mean, yeah, I think culture is a big part of it. There are also plenty of other factors that determine how many children a family has (finances, housing, access to healthcare/birth control, etc).

For us, 2 is our max. DH wanted 1 and I used to want 7. I grew up in a large family and liked the hustle and bustle while DH had a medium family and hated so much activity. We decided on 3 and part of me still feels that is right for us. However, we will not be going beyond 2 pregnancies…

Factors:
*finances: debt, being on one income, high costs
*living in a country with nonexistent universal healthcare or benefits (I’m in the US. It is SO expensive to live here…going to the doctor for even anything minor, while having insurance, is going to cost you hundreds of dollars. Having my son was over $20,000 before insurance covered a portion. In addition, there is no real parental leave. DH’s work gave him 2 weeks off paid but that isn’t the norm and isn’t much time at all, considering I didn’t fully recover from my c-section for about 2 months!) Also, education is expensive. Not even talking about college. Public school is free but you have to pay for books, supplies… daycare/preschool, some of my friends are paying nearly $2000 a month!!

*lifestyle: not enough space or bedrooms and no ability to move for the foreseeable future. No money to get a second or bigger vehicle. I want to be able to provide a comfortable life for my kids and not have to have them go without and have few resources divided up between them.
*mental health: being a parent is wonderful. I love my son with every fiber of my being. However, it isn’t easy and anyone who tells you it is is lying. I couldn’t handle a large family. I’m fine with admitting that. I know my limits. I can be a good mom to a couple of kids but would be at my wits end with the 7 I originally wanted.

*I have to have c-sections. Too many just isn’t safe. Mine was scary and I can’t imagine doing that time after time. Breastfeeding was also rough.

[name_f]Do[/name_f] what is right for you. It may change. Take it one kid at a time. It isn’t about a number. It is about a healthy mom, dad, kids, family…

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I don’t know about [name_u]Texas[/name_u], the US in general or the UK, but… I have four children (one with my ex-husband, three with my husband) and a fifth on the way, and most people are shocked when I tell them how many children we have. Over here, most families have 1-3 children. 4 is considered a lot, and more than 4 insane by most people :joy:

[name_m]Five[/name_m] is my ideal number. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband would like 6 or 7 (also counting my oldest, his stepson) but that’s too many for me for several reasons. I don’t like being pregnant, at all , and I just don’t want to go through it again after this one.
I also feel that if I have more children, I wouldn’t be able to give each child the love and attention they deserve.
And we also wouldn’t have enough room. We have a pretty large house (it used to be a farm), and I think sharing a bedroom with siblings is fine until a certain age. [name_f]My[/name_f] twin brother and I shared a room when we were children, and it was great. But I want to be able to give our children their own space if they want and need it.

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[name_m]Hi[/name_m],
I’m in Australia and 3 kids is average here from what I’ve seen and only going over that number would be considered a “large” family.

If people have one or two children, it’s common for them to be asked when they’re having more.

Houses are generally 4-5 bedrooms and many families run 2 cars or have a family mover with 7-8 seats. Things seem to be more easily accessible for a big family here. And I’m not even talking about the free healthcare.

It’s also common to find a family that has remarried, has step-parents/children or has weekly custody. About half of all parents I know aren’t in a relationship with the other parent of their child and that makes for some complicated family systems.
Often times, one partner has two kids of their own from a previous relationship and their new partner has some too and they have one together so when they share custody, they just change the sheets on the bunk bed week abouts.
Sometimes when they’re all together for [name_u]Christmas[/name_u], Including grandparents and cousins, there can be 15 to 20 people staying in one house with tents and caravans and such for a week or so. No one thinks this is weird.

I personally wanted 10 kids growing up. I have 5 siblings plus me and a twin that passed and was considered a large family back then. I now have two kids of my own and due to health complications might only have one (or none) more, while that saddens me to think I might not feel complete in the number of my family, I look around and see many kids here not getting much out of their families. I will feel thankful for being able to invest more time in the children I do have.

I think it’s quite glorified and marvelled at here, being able to afford a large family financially, but a lot of these kids are shoved into daycare and then put into school and barely see their parents or siblings because life is so busy. Being able to provide one on one love is just as important in my opinion.

There’s no right answer, because you’re always going to be judged by others for your choices either way. Make choices that make you happy, but also keep in mind what your child(ren) would chose and what they need from you.

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ive always wanted 3! but, its likely itll end up being 2 tbh haha

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I want to have 5-7 kids always wanted a big family. But most of my friends are like 1-2 kids other then one who wants 3 but I have not met anyone who has / wants a lot of kids like me so I personally think this could be ‘ cultural’ mixed in with just a personal preference. I would say in my area anyone with 4+ kids is considered a large family.

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I know plenty of 2-3-kid families and plenty of 5-8-kid families, some religious, some not (though the bigger ones tend to be religious, and some include adopted children.) I’m in the northern US.

When my husband and I were dating, I told him I’d always wanted a dozen, and it didn’t scare him off (he rather cautiously said he’d like “multiple children”) :joy:

We have 3. I’ve said lately that 5 sounds good to me at the moment. I suspect, though, that deep down my answer will always honestly be “one more.” These kiddos are so much fun (no not every moment, but generally.) I love the idea of more of them.

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This is me, too. And I have 2 now! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: There were some traumatic lost pregnancies in between. I’m about to turn 35 and I’m contemplating that third. My husband is not at all into the idea of a fourth. I feel like around here (west coast US) more than 2 is seen as a bit quirky–like, that’s not just a standard family anymore, that’s an expensive hobby! And it is expensive, and I also truly do want to pursue my career again at some point. All the considerations of time, money, energy are so important.
But I also feel like I’ll regret it if I never at least try to meet that third little person.

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Something I have noticed is that I rarely see an only child wanting one child…I am mom to one with no prospect of another and that makes me a bit sad, but I am very happy to be my child’s mom.

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