Incorrect Quotes for Your Characters?

Writers' Corner
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Do you have any incorrect quotes that apply to your characters?
(If you want to make some I like this generator: Incorrect Quote Generator)

Here are some of mine:
Hyacinth: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Hyacinth: Name something you believed in as a child that you no longer do as a teenager.
Ornette: Myself.

Orpheus: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just ‘walk up and join a circle of people talking’, but it does sound lovely, thank you

Caprise: How would you like your coffee?
Hyacinth: As dark as my soul.
Caprise: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!

Caprise: Who hurt you?
Hyacinth: snorting What, do you want a list?
Caprise: …Yes, actually

Hyacinth: I think I need a hug…
Caprise: Good thing I’m hug shaped!

45 minutes later

Hyacinth: You… you can let go now.
Caprise: No, I absolutely cannot.

Hyacinth: Why do you hang out with me?
Caprise: You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me!
Hyacinth: …
Hyacinth: I feel a bit sorry for you.

Orpheus: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

Orpheus: God I love Hyacinth.
Caprise: Yeah, you better.

Caprise: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, Caprise is such a nice person, Caprise is so happy-go-lucky! Caprise can’t be in a bad mood!” Well, you know what? Caprise CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Caprise IS be in a bad mood.

Caprise: Okay, two person huddle.
Hyacinth: You can’t huddle with two people. This is just a hug.

Orpheus: exists
Aurelius: Hello? World’s most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that’s too good for this world, too pure?

Caprise: You are an absolute dork.
Hyacinth: Yeah, but I’m your dork!
Caprise: sighs Yeah, you’re my dork.

Orpheus: I want to grow up and be like Aurelius!
Aurelius: That is called Acquiring Depression.

Caprise: I made tea.
Hyacinth: I don’t want tea.
Caprise: I didn’t make you tea. This is my tea.
Hyacinth: Then why did you tell me?
Caprise: It’s a conversation starter.
Hyacinth: It’s a horrible conversation starter.
Caprise: Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.

Aurelius: Orpheus…
Orpheus: Oh no, ‘Orpheus’ in B flat.
Orpheus: You’re disappointed.

Hyacinth: sad
Ornette: Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das.
Ornette: And das not good.

Caprise: sharpens knife We’ve got ways of making people talk.
Caprise: cuts piece of pound cake
Hyacinth: …Can I have some?
Caprise: Cake is for talkers.

Caprise: You know what’s funny about Hyacinth? He’s my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt him is someone I’d murder, probably.

Hyacinth: Orpheus… you’ve been cuddling with me for over an hour now.
Orpheus: muffled mm hmmm (:
Hyacinth: I should be annoyed but you’re adorable.

Ornette: So how’s the food Caprise made?
Orpheus: It’s great! Compliments to them.
Ornette: goes to the kitchen
Ornette: You’re adorable.
Caprise: blushes

Hyacinth: It’s not that I don’t trust Caprise, I just…don’t trust her impulse control.

Caprise: I mean, sure, I have my bad days, but then I remember what a cute smile I have.

Ornette’s parents: Leave the house
Ornette, walking into the living room: How y’all doin’?! Tonight I’ll be performing the greatest hits from the 2000s!

Hyacinth: Don’t ask me what I’m talking about. I don’t know, okay? I’m just the vessel. The message has been gifted. I’ve moved on.

Caprise: Life is like Hyacinth. It’s short.

Orpheus: I love you.
Hyacinth: How many people have you said that to?
Orpheus: Everyone.
Hyacinth: What?
Orpheus: I told everyone that I love you.

Ornette : I can’t believe there’s a cat somewhere in my house. Amazing feeling. Love cats. And he’s here, in my house! Somewhere! And I may encounter him! What a treat.

talking about Caprise
Ornette: She is beauty.
Hyacinth: She is grace.
Orpheus, running into the room: SHE WOULD PUNCH ME IN THE FACE

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I was JUST DOING THIS OMG

I ACTUALLY HAVE THEM RIGHT NOW

Let’s see. . .

[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?
[name_m]Basil[/name_m]: What?
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that?

[name_f]Imogen[/name_f]: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables.
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: Is that… bad?
[name_f]Imogen[/name_f]: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future.
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: Isn’t that just causality?
[name_f]Imogen[/name_f]: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country.
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: So what are my odds?
[name_f]Imogen[/name_f]: [name_f]Do[/name_f] you have a family history?
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: Of what?
[name_f]Imogen[/name_f]: [name_m]Just[/name_m], in general.
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: …Yes?
[name_f]Imogen[/name_f]: Oh no.

[name_m]Silver[/name_m]: Why shouldn’t you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water?
[name_f]Imogen[/name_f]: Because your toast would get soggy!

[name_m]Arnold[/name_m], trying to impress [name_m]Basil[/name_m]: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.
[name_f]Celestial[/name_f]: He turned it off and back on again.

[name_f]Celestial[/name_f]: "Arnold doesn’t know how to banish spirits so he just throws salt at them and yells, “Does this look like a hotel to you???”

[name_m]Basil[/name_m]: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
[name_m]Basil[/name_m]: But you’re always acting stupid?
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: …
[name_m]Arnold[/name_m]: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

[name_m]Silver[/name_m]: Stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire.
[name_f]Imogen[/name_f]: But what if something else happens just this one time?

[name_m]Pax[/name_m] on [name_f]Monday[/name_f]: glues a dime to the sidewalk Heh heh heh.
[name_m]Pax[/name_m] on [name_f]Wednesday[/name_f]: walking down the street Ooh hey! A dime!

Everyone is playing a board game together
[name_f]Essie[/name_f]: I will put ‘A’ down to make ‘A’.
[name_m]Pax[/name_m]: I will add onto your ‘A’ to make ‘AT’.
[name_m]Jari[/name_m]: I will add onto your ‘AT’ to make ‘RAT’.
[name_f]Nya[/name_f]: I will add onto your ‘RAT’ to make ‘BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC’.
[name_m]Jari[/name_m]: flips the board

[name_f]Essie[/name_f]: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
[name_m]Ciro[/name_m]: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.
[name_m]Pax[/name_m] walks in
[name_m]Ciro[/name_m]: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

[name_m]Pax[/name_m]: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails.
[name_m]Rhys[/name_m]: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

[name_f]Essie[/name_f]: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?
[name_m]Jari[/name_m]: What the hell!?
[name_f]Essie[/name_f]: Oh, sorry, my bad.
[name_f]Essie[/name_f], whispering: [name_f]Wanna[/name_f] help me commit arson?
[name_m]Jari[/name_m], whispering: Of course. What do you need?

[name_m]Rhys[/name_m], trying to comfort [name_m]Pax[/name_m]: What’s the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I’ve been there.

Elleth: I’m so tired of this life. I want to be a Roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

Elleth: How did you break your leg?
[name_m]Cyprian[/name_m]: [name_f]Do[/name_f] you see those porch stairs?
Elleth: Yes.
[name_m]Cyprian[/name_m]: I didn’t.

[name_f]Zinnia[/name_f]: We’re having a baby.
Ordinary: Oh, congratu-
Whybert, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It’s you, sign here.

[name_f]Zinnia[/name_f]: Why don’t I like this person?
Ordinary: I don’t know. Maybe it’s because they keep stealing your thunder.
[name_f]Zinnia[/name_f]: Maybe it’s because their name is “Whybert”. Don’t you find that utterly ridiculous?
Ordinary: No.
[name_f]Zinnia[/name_f]: That’s because your name is “Ordinary”.

Ordinary: See, the problem is, Whybert, you’re playing 3D chess. I’m playing 4D.
Whybert: I’m playing checkers. I don’t know what the f— you’re playing.

[name_f]Zinnia[/name_f]: I knew this day would come… I saw it on the calendar.

I was so prepared for this lol

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I love [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] solely based off of this and also how cool their name is.

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Yeah she’s epic, hilarious too

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Oh my goodness. This is awesome!

[name_m]Apollo[/name_m] [name_m]Lenox[/name_m]: “Legend says that when you can’t sleep, it means you’re awake in someone else’s dreams.” Stares at ceiling. “When I find out who you are, I’m going to punch you in the face.”

[name_m]Prince[/name_m] [name_m]Daniel[/name_m] [name_m]Algernon[/name_m]: “I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and ‘a terrible person’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.”

[name_f]Maretha[/name_f]: “If I’m extra sarcastic with you it probably means I’m flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can’t handle you… have fun figuring out which one.”

[name_f]Duna[/name_f] Sellers: “I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.”

[name_f]Lux[/name_f] [name_m]Porter[/name_m]: “I mean, sure, I have my bad days, but then I remember what a cute smile I have.”

[name_f]Florence[/name_f] Kearing: “I’m not a morning person. I’m barely even a person.”

[name_m]Gordon[/name_m] [name_m]Haynes[/name_m] “Hello, my name is Failure, and you’re watching my life crumble into pieces.”

[name_f]Emma[/name_f] [name_m]Sanford[/name_m] (when we first meet her): “What is the big deal about borrowing money? I do it all the time! Sometimes, I even pay it back!”

[name_m]Holden[/name_m] [name_f]Hadley[/name_f] “Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no.”

[name_f]Clarabella[/name_f] [name_m]Kingston[/name_m]: “I’m not funny, I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.”

[name_m]Apollo[/name_m] [name_m]Lenox[/name_m]: “If karma doesn’t kill you, then I will.”

[name_m]Tyler[/name_m] [name_m]Reid[/name_m]: “When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date… one of them carrying a knife for some reason.”

[name_f]Cricket[/name_f] Meeks: “I can’t believe there’s a cat somewhere in my house. [name_m]Amazing[/name_m] feeling. [name_f]Love[/name_f] cats. And he’s here, in my house! Somewhere! And I may encounter him! What a treat.” (This is her to her cat literally everyday. She loves him.)

[name_f]Ursula[/name_f] [name_m]Clement[/name_m]: “My life isn’t as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look.”

[name_f]Lux[/name_f] [name_m]Porter[/name_m]: “I warned you. I’m perfect.”

[name_m]Bercan[/name_m]: “Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I’ve been the same height since I was twelve!”

[name_m]John[/name_m] MacCurdy: “I would do anything for money.” Later, after getting into a really tight jam. “THE STATEMENT STILL STANDS!”

[name_m]Karter[/name_m] [name_m]Landry[/name_m]: “My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.”

[name_m]Chardin[/name_m]: “Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.”

[name_m]Apollo[/name_m] [name_m]Lenox[/name_m]: “Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its ‘intelligent’ and ‘really cool’. But when I do it, I’m ‘petty’ and ‘need to let it go’.”

[name_m]Lindsy[/name_m] [name_m]Grant[/name_m]: “I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in this house with a bunch of morons.”

[name_f]Queen[/name_f] Narwhal: “If you ever feel stupid or weak or powerless, just remember that I am not. I am out there, very dangerous, and I am looking for you. Good luck.”

[name_m]Cassius[/name_m] [name_m]Layne[/name_m]: “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.”

[name_m]Tyler[/name_m] [name_m]Reid[/name_m]: “My toxic trait is that I truly believe I could win a fight against anybody if I was mad enough. You might have the strength and size, but I have the pure, unfiltered rage.” (Would you believe [name_m]Tyler[/name_m] is only 7 years old? He’s not traumatized or a little sociopath or anything, this is just who he is. He’s actually a very nice little guy to people he likes.)

[name_m]Zevulon[/name_m]: “I don’t follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.”

[name_f]Holly[/name_f] [name_m]Rainier[/name_m]: “What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read.”

[name_f]Queen[/name_f] [name_f]Lavanda[/name_f] [name_m]Brynmore[/name_m]: “I am literally evil incarnated. I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil. Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort.”

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I want Cricket’s cat to meet Ornette’s (my OC) cat (his name is Slippers). [name_f]Love[/name_f] the names (especially [name_f]Clarabella[/name_f] [name_m]Kingston[/name_m], it gives [name_m]Southern[/name_m] [name_f]Belle[/name_f] but not by choice judging by the incorrect quote). Also Tyler’s age was certainly a plot twist.

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(this first section is [name_m]Harry[/name_m] [name_m]Potter[/name_m] Hogwarts Mystery-Alex and [name_f]Dani[/name_f] are my OCs)
[name_m]Ben[/name_m] Copper/Dani [name_m]Jackson[/name_m] (works for either): What’s gone wrong, Merula?
Merula Snyde: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. [name_m]Just[/name_m] because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.
Ben/Dani: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?
Merula: Well… There’s a crisis.

Merula: [insert literally anyone’s name], my old friend!
Literally Anyone: I think you tried to kill me at some point.
Merula: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

[name_f]Dani[/name_f]: I’ve never asked someone out. How do you even do it?
[name_f]Angelica[/name_f] [name_m]Cole[/name_m]: Oh, what I do is, I look them up and down and I say: “Hey… how you doin’?”
[name_m]Felix[/name_m] Rosier, scoffing: Oh, please.
[name_f]Angelica[/name_f], to [name_m]Felix[/name_m]: Hey, how you doin’?
[name_m]Felix[/name_m]:
[name_m]Felix[/name_m]: giggles and blushes
(to anybody who plays/watches the game, yes, I was shipping the prefects)

[name_m]Barnaby[/name_m] [name_m]Lee[/name_m]: So how’s the food [name_f]Dani[/name_f] made?
Merula/Ismelda Murk: It’s great! Compliments to her.
[name_m]Barnaby[/name_m]: goes to the kitchen
[name_m]Barnaby[/name_m]: You’re adorable.
[name_f]Dani[/name_f]: blushes

Merula: Compliment me.
[name_m]Alex[/name_m] [name_m]Jackson[/name_m]: You have eyes.
Merula: Yeah, that works.

[name_f]Tulip[/name_f] Karasu: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don’t know!
Merula: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.
[name_f]Tulip[/name_f]: Stop.
*
[name_f]Katelyn[/name_f] [name_m]Erickson[/name_m], talking about [name_m]Diego[/name_m] [name_m]Ryder[/name_m]: WHAT THE FCK I WAS ARGUING WITH HIM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? HE DID. HE KISSED ME. WHAT THE FCK WHAT DO I DO.

[name_m]Kai[/name_m] [name_m]Hunt[/name_m]: Is it still visible? Where [name_m]Nat[/name_m] slapped me?
[name_m]Carlos[/name_m] Abbate: Your face looks like a don’t walk signal.
[name_m]Alex[/name_m] [name_m]Luther[/name_m]: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.
[name_m]Holden[/name_m] McGowan: A palm reader could tell Natalie’s future by looking at your face.
[name_f]Katelyn[/name_f]: The phrase ‘talk to the hand cause the face ain’t listening’ doesn’t work for you, because the hand is your face.
[name_m]Kai[/name_m]: …A simple ‘yes’ would’ve sufficed.

[name_m]Alex[/name_m]: There’s no “I” in team, but there is one in pizza.
[name_m]Carlos[/name_m]: So, you’re not going to share?
[name_m]Alex[/name_m]: I’m not going to share.

[name_f]Natalie[/name_f] Morozova: [name_f]My[/name_f] goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
[name_m]Kai[/name_m]: YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

[name_f]Katelyn[/name_f]: [name_f]My[/name_f] ultimate goal is to punch [name_m]God[/name_m] in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

[name_f]Katelyn[/name_f]: Someone’s trying to break in. Call the cops!
[name_m]Carlos[/name_m]: loads shotgun I got this.
[name_f]Katelyn[/name_f]: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-
*
[name_m]Halston[/name_m] [name_m]Forsyth[/name_m]: Hey [name_m]Ty[/name_m], wanna third wheel on my date with [name_m]Caleb[/name_m] tomorrow?
[name_m]Tyler[/name_m] [name_m]Forsyth[/name_m]: Sure.
[name_m]Halston[/name_m]: [name_f]Lauren[/name_f]! [name_f]Wanna[/name_f] third wheel on my date with [name_m]Caleb[/name_m] tomorrow?
[name_f]Lauren[/name_f] [name_m]Delgado[/name_m]: I guess.
[name_m]Halston[/name_m]: Great! I’ve always wanted to go on a double date!
[name_m]Tyler[/name_m] & [name_f]Lauren[/name_f]: …
[name_m]Caleb[/name_m] [name_m]Lysander[/name_m]: Hallie…

[name_f]Olivia[/name_f] [name_m]Forsyth[/name_m]: sighs I have no friends…
[name_f]Lauren[/name_f]:
[name_f]Lauren[/name_f]: coughs B*tch, what am I? A roach?!

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Oh my gosh. Slippers is just the cutest little name for a cat! Cricket’s cat is named [name_f]Strawberry[/name_f].

Yeah, [name_m]Tyler[/name_m] surprises everyone. He gets a kick out of creeping people out. If this were a horror movie, he’d be that creepy little kid😆.

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[name_m]Bobby[/name_m] Elwig, after getting a library card: “Now I know what true power feels like.”

[name_f]Lux[/name_f] [name_m]Porter[/name_m]: “Just took a personality test and got an A+.”

[name_f]Lux[/name_f] Porter… again: “New year, same me. Because I’m perfect.”

[name_f]Contessa[/name_f]: “If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it. If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.”

[name_f]Shelby[/name_f] [name_f]Amaya[/name_f] Atkins: “When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your darn lemons, what on earth am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give [name_f]Shelby[/name_f] [name_f]Amaya[/name_f] lemons! [name_f]Do[/name_f] you know who I am? I’m the person who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

[name_f]Kate[/name_f] [name_m]Hubbard[/name_m]: “I hate when people ask me, ‘What did you do today?’ [name_m]Buddy[/name_m] listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t KNOW!”

[name_f]Queen[/name_f] [name_f]Lavanda[/name_f] [name_m]Brynmore[/name_m]: “I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn’t factor into the solution at least in some way.”

[name_m]Apollo[/name_m] [name_m]Lenox[/name_m]: “Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you. It’d ruin the mystery.”

[name_f]Lysithea[/name_f] to her mother: “This is one of those moments where it doesn’t really matter what I have to say, isn’t it?”

[name_f]Erica[/name_f] [name_m]Bosley[/name_m]: “I love sarcasm! It’s like punching people in the face, but with words!”

[name_m]Apollo[/name_m] [name_m]Lenox[/name_m]: “The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some people whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.”

[name_m]Alexander[/name_m] [name_m]Walker[/name_m]: “There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.”

[name_m]Leviathan[/name_m]: “I came out here to attack people and I’m honestly having such a good time right now.”

Murderer: “Any last words?”
[name_f]Lux[/name_f] [name_m]Porter[/name_m]: “Do you think I’m cute? Be honest.” Then the reality sinks in. “No! Wait! I’m too perfect to die!”

[name_m]Bobby[/name_m] Elwig: “I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can’t handle that.”

[name_m]Cassius[/name_m] [name_m]Layne[/name_m]: "So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in. So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall. Looks at camera. “Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.”

[name_m]Chardin[/name_m]: “Do you ever think? Because I do not.”

[name_m]Mage[/name_m]: “I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.”

[name_f]Lavanda[/name_f] [name_m]Algernon[/name_m]: “I’m not like other girls. I’m way, way worse.”

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I love all of these and at the same time I’m crying because I don’t think I have any :sob:

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(Some quotes have been slightly edited.)

Police Officer: “We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you.”

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Where were they?”

Police Officer: “Eating Cheetos and crying in their car.”

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Damn, they really went for it.”

Natasha Thibodeaux: “Here’s the cold medicine you asked for.”

Natasha Thibodeaux: dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “…Thanks.”

Giuseppe Tamborello, slamming the doors open: “We’re getting married, b*tches!”

Zlatozara Dimitrova, peeking out from behind him: “And we’re about to make it everyone else’s problem~.”

Donna Bettencourt: “Giuseppe doesn’t deserve you. If he doesn’t treat you right by now, you’re gone.”

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “I’m Gone.”

Donna Bettencourt: “Now go chop his d*ck off!”

Giuseppe Tamborello, fuming: “È tutta colpa tua!”

Kaminari Tsuchiya, rolling her eyes: “I know, I know…”

Zlatozara Dimitrova: “Oh? You speak Italian?”

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “No, I just know the phrase ‘this is all your fault’ in every language that he speaks.”

Kaminari Tsuchiya, grinning lazily while hunched over a couch: "Advil me up, mommy~."

Natasha Thibodeaux: “I’ll short out the language center of your brain if you say that ever again.”

Giuseppe Tamborello: “You spent all of today’s money on THIS!?”

Kaminari Tsuchiya, putting tiny raincoats on kittens: “They live outside, they need this!”

Nino Figueroa: “You deserve a reward for putting up with me.”

Kosuke Kaneshiro: “You are my reward.”
Meanwhile…
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “You deserve a reward for putting up with me.”

Natasha Thibodeaux: “True, you can be really difficult at times.”

Giuseppe Tamborello: “Hey, Mammina, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?”

Zlatozara Dimitrova: “What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.”

Giuseppe Tamborello: “No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?”

Zlatozara Dimitrova: “Can’t really say I have.”

Giuseppe Tamborello: “Y’know, for someone as creative as yourself, you can be boring as f*ck sometimes.”

Zlatozara Dimitrova: “Sorry, Papi. For what it’s worth, I’m picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who clearly have no business bringing up anybody.”

Zlatozara Dimitrova, staring upwards: “So, Damian rejected me… haha…”

Kaminari Tsuchiya, bewildered: “Why are you looking up?”

Zlatozara Dimitrova: “I need to cry, but my foundation was 48 dollars!”

Giuseppe Tamborello: “So, you gonna explain how the Hell you crashed my car?”

MJ Hollenbeck: “Well, we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said ''Nari, deer!”

Giuseppe Tamborello: “And what did 'Nari do?”

MJ Hollenbeck: “…She said ‘Yes, Honey?’”

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Laura: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

Sara: I know every song to ever exist it doesn’t matter if it’s from the past, present or the future.
Jason: Oh yeah? Then continue this.
Jason: I don’t cook I don’t clean-
Sara: So let me tell you how I got this ring.
Sara & Jason: …
Sara & Jason: GOBBLE ME, SWALLOW ME-

Sara: Laura, what do you have?
Laura: A KNIFE!
Sara: Okay, have fu-
Danny: NO!

Ludwig (canon Hetalia character): Go fuck yourself.
Krystiana (my Hetalia OC) (smugly): Sure, but only if you watch

Alfred (canon Hetalia character): Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don’t know!
Elisabeth (another Hetalia OC): The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.
Alfred: Stop.

Rowan: Don’t go to the kitchen.
Willow: Why?
Rowan: I saw a spider.
Willow: Well, did you kill it?
Rowan: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it’s not fair…

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Some quotes may have been slightly edited.

Ko Kaneshiro: “So how’s the food [name_m]Nino[/name_m] made?”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “It’s great! Compliments to him.”
Ko Kaneshiro: goes to the kitchen
Ko Kaneshiro: “You’re adorable.”
[name_m]Nino[/name_m] [name_m]Figueroa[/name_m]: blushes

[name_m]Jetson[/name_m] [name_m]Eisenhower[/name_m]: “Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Sebastian’s birthday invitations.”
[name_f]Harper[/name_f] Mortenson: “Well, what are they supposed to say?”
[name_m]Jetson[/name_m] [name_m]Eisenhower[/name_m]: “Sebastian’s birthday”.
[name_f]Harper[/name_f] Mortenson: “So, what do they say instead?”
[name_m]Jetson[/name_m] [name_m]Eisenhower[/name_m]: “‘Sebastian’s bi’”.
[name_f]Harper[/name_f] Mortenson:
[name_f]Harper[/name_f] Mortenson: “Works out either way.”

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation?”
[name_m]Evan[/name_m] Frederickson: “All the time.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Then you should be used to it by now.”

Bullying Prevention [name_f]Day[/name_f] at school
Mr. Tibbitts: “Zaire, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?”
[name_m]Zaire[/name_m]: “Oh, that’s easy! I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case—”
Mr. Tibbitts: “To write something to your teacher?”
[name_m]Zaire[/name_m]: “—make sure it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! Momma always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school!”
Mr. Tibbitts: internal screaming

[name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] Morgenstern: “So… what’s your favorite color?”
[name_m]Clayton[/name_m] Castleberry: “Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.”
[name_f]Phoebe[/name_f] Morgenstern: “How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?”
[name_m]Clayton[/name_m] Castleberry: “My favorite color is turquoise.”

[name_f]Bianca[/name_f] Barbosa drunkenly wanders around the house and [name_f]Alexis[/name_f] [name_m]Hurley[/name_m] is drunkenly giggling
Kaminari Tsuchiya, completely sober: sighs “Well, looks like it’s just me and you against the world, Evan.”
[name_m]Evan[/name_m] Frederickson, walking to the front door: “Nope, just you.” shuts door

[name_f]Natasha[/name_f] Thibodeaux: “Nari… do you remember when we agreed we’d be better off as friends?”
Kaminari Tsuchiya, hopping in Natasha’s bed: “Nope, I absolutely do not~!”
[name_f]Natasha[/name_f], already taking off her clothes: “F-ck… Me neither.”

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Wow, [name_f]Tasha[/name_f], you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.”
[name_f]Natasha[/name_f] Thibodeaux: “Did we literally not just sleep together last night?”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “That’s NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands—”

[name_m]Dietrich[/name_m] Lautzenheiser: “How did none of you hear what I just said?!”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.”
[name_m]Evan[/name_m] Frederickson: “I got distracted halfway through.”
Juma Kayanda: “I was too busy staring into your eyes.”
Sedgwick [name_m]Fletcher[/name_m]: “Ignoring you was a conscious decision.”

[name_m]Evan[/name_m], standing over his injured friend: “Help! Is any one of you a doctor??”
[name_f]Natasha[/name_f] Thibodeaux: “I’m a DJ.”
[name_f]Evolette[/name_f] Tacaronte: “I resell vintage.”
[name_f]Evangeline[/name_f] Duplantier: “I use she/they.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “I’m looking for a sublet.”
Juma Kayanda: “I sell K.”

[name_f]Zlatozara[/name_f] Dimitrova: “We are having a baby.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Oh, uh, congradula-”
[name_m]Giuseppe[/name_m] Tamborello, slamming adoption papers onto the table: “It’s you, sign here.”

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[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: That was a joke. [name_m]Say[/name_m] ha.
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: Ha.
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: Now do it again.
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: Ha.
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.

[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: Hey, are you okay?
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: Yeah.
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: You don’t look okay…
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: Then stop looking.

[name_m]Cassander[/name_m], after getting a library card: Now I know what true power feels like.

[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them.
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.
(Honestly thank god for [name_m]Emrys[/name_m] getting involved in situations that don’t really have anything to do with him though)

while waiting outside the principal’s office
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: What are you in for?
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: Oh, they just want to know if it’s cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What about you?
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: I stabbed a kid with a screwdriver.
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]:
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]:
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: We live very different lives.

[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: We either die free, or die trying!
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: Are those the only choices?
(This is the plot of the book, basically, with the occasional role reversal)

[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: [name_m]Arson[/name_m]? Oh, you mean “crime brûlée”.
(If only this would ever happen, he’d make a great arsonist if he wasn’t so annoying about following authority)

[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: The first time [name_m]Emrys[/name_m] opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside they yelled, “OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!”

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Kurea: Kazumi, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
Kazumi, wearing a hoodie that’s 5 times bigger than her size: Spooky.

Connor: Hey, Tallulah. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Tallulah: To get to the other side?
Connor: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“
Tallulah: Uh… fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road?
Connor: To get to the idiot’s house.
Tallulah: …Ok?
Líadan: Hey, Tallulah. Knock knock.
Tallulah: No.
Faolán: You were supposed to say “who’s there?”
Tallulah: Fine… let’s get this over with. Who’s there?
Bevin: The chicken.
Tallulah:
Líadan:
Connor:
Faolán:
Bevin:
Tallulah: Listen here you little shits-

Malort: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Ostara: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Malort, getting down on one knee: That’s 'cause it is.

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The demon [name_f]Ashlyn[/name_f] summoned, standing amidst the destroyed kitchen: How? How were you able to summon me?!
[name_f]Ashlyn[/name_f], flipping through a cookbook as fast as she can: I don’t know!! You were supposed to be chicken soup!

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(One more for luck)

[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: I have a plan.
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it.
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: …
[name_m]Cassander[/name_m]: …
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m]: I no longer have a plan.

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I love this one! :laughing:

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Tara: I know what a prism is! It’s where you put bad people.

Marceline: watching their house burn down
Marceline:
Marceline: starts filming Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today’s topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O’s cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

Ashlyn: Whoa, Sean, what’s up with that angry face?
Sean: Brona won’t stop talking about how “Ancient Egyptians were furries”.
Brona: But they were! Just look at all their gods-
Sean: Oh my god, SHUT UP!

Bryan: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?
Dominick: sighing Ruby.
Ruby: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.
Della: wiping away a tear So inspirational.

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Exclusive Shipping Edition
Some quotes may have been slightly edited.

Sonny Fitzgerald: “I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives.”
Deborah Quinones: “I wake up at 4:30 AM every day to train.”
Sonny Fitzgerald: “I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.”

Sonny Fitzgerald: “Debbie and I are no longer dating.”
Deborah Quinones: “Sonny, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.”

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “From now on we will be using code names!”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “You can address me as Eagle One.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “'Salome is ‘been there done that’.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “'Natasha is ‘currently doing that’.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Evangeline is ‘it happened once in a dream’.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Juma is ‘if I had to pick a dude’.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “And Evan is…”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Eagle Two.”
Evan Frederickson: “Oh thank god.”

Natasha Thibodeaux: “Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Hey, I’m ‘things’.”

Dieterich Lautzenheiser: “Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.”
Zelda Krammer: “…You are literally making a Valentine’s Day card for Katherine.”
Dieterich Lautzenheiser, pointing his hot glue gun towards Person A: “You’re on thin fucking ice.”

Kaminari Tsuchiya: “I truly go into housewife mode when I’m someone’s soulmate- like, I’ll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.”
Natasha Thibodeaux: “This is a lie.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “Proof?”
Nathasha Thibodeaux: “I’m literally ‘dating’ you. This is a lie.”
Kaminari Tsuchiya: “I still don’t see any proof.”
Natasha Thibodeaux: “Bitch, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE! WHAT IS THIS!?”

Aria Quinones: “Why does Debbie call you ‘baby girl’?”
Sonny Fitzgerald: “How about we stop talking for a while?”

Birdie Einarsdottir: “Why doesn’t Brady find me sexy when I bite my lip?”
Basil Baginski: “What do ya look like when ya bite yer lip?”
Bird Einarsdottir: bites lip
Basil Baginski: “…Have ya considered bitin’ yer bottom lip instead?”

Sonny Fitzgerald: “Hey Ari, wanna third wheel on Debbie and I’s date tonight?”
Aria Quinones: “Uhm, Sure?”
Sonny Fitzgerald: “Precious! Wanna third wheel on Debbie and I’s date tonight?”
Precious: Blinks
Sonny Fitzgerald: “Great! I’ve always wanted to go on a double date!”
Aria Quinones & Precious: “…!?”
Deborah Quinones: “Sonny, I swear to god-”

Sebastian Mortenson: Holds a sign that says “Prom?” outside Christopher’s window
Jeremiah Hamilton: “Oh God, really? Hell yeah!”
Sebastian Mortenson: Yelling up “What? No, tell Christopher!”
Jeremiah Hamilton: “Chris, I’m going to prom with your boyfriend!”

Marquette Young: “Two bros!”
Hernando Arteaga Montoya: “Chillin’ in a hot tub!”
Marquette Young: “Zero feet apart 'cause we’re GAY AS F*CK!”

Skyla Mortenson: “Time sensitive question: how flirt boy.”
Harper Mortenson: “Throw rocks at he.”
Sebastian Mortenson: “Hot Dogs.”
Jetson Eisenhower: “Kill him.”
Skyla Mortenson: “Thanks guys.”