Kids Say the Darndest Things

Most of mine are more events then anything:

When I was little, I had a bit of an imagination, one time my mum found me in the kitchen pouring a carton of milk into my baby doll’s mouth and proclaiming “[name_f]Dolly[/name_f] hungry! [name_f]Dolly[/name_f] hungry!”

I would take a piggy bank everywhere with me so, when my mum took me shopping, all the old ladies would drop their loose chain in it when they walked by.

My cousin and I were really close growing up (still are) and we have all these home videos of us trying to out-laugh each other. It starts with one of us laughing until we’re both laughing our heads of as loudly as we can.

I also had this thing about carrying a particular jumper on a coat hanger all the time and refused to eat breakfast without a hat on.

My brother was always really naughty growing up and I mean he’d do it right in front of you… he had no shame!

He convinced some lady at a restaurant as a three year-old that he had a brother that died. Unbeknownst to us as we watched her lay a hand on his shoulder while he was playing in the activity area.

He also convinced his kindergarten teacher that my parents were getting divorced, my mum was become our maid, and my dad’s new wife [name_f]Roxanne[/name_f] (after the Police song) was moving in. Needless to say both my parents and the teacher were horrified. He also said, in an attempt to avoid being responsible for his action that he had ADHD, when the teacher told him didn’t, he said “Yeah, well I’ve caught it now.”

While staying for the day at my grandparents, my nanna said she had to start cleaning up, so my brother grabbed a hose and brought it into her house.

He also told his primary school teacher that my parents were getting divorced so he wouldn’t have to do any work and could just spend his time at the counselor’s.

Another funny, more recent one was my little cousin was swimming around in his family pool, and with such a big imagination he turned to his dad (who is a tad overweight) and said “Hey, look dad, a whale!”

Oh gosh, I can’t wait until my little one is able to talk! This thread is hilarious.

We had just had our old toilet removed, and it was sitting the front lawn, the three year old neighbour saw it and she said to her granddad.
"I know what is wrong with that toilet. It’s battery is flat!"

[name_m]How[/name_m] cute is that?

My cousin has three boys, they are hilarious!

The oldest (he will be 7 soon, was probably about 5 at the time of this story) [name_m]Drake[/name_m] is normally very quiet and even-tempered, a very sweet boy. But on this day he was grouchy, we were playing in the yard and his brother wanted a turn with the toy he was playing with. When his mom told him to share, he grudgingly shoved the toy away and stood there pouting. His mom, in an attempt to cheer him up asked, “[name_m]Drake[/name_m]-y, are you a crabby-pants candycorn?” And he turned to her and shouted, “I am NOT a crabby-pants candycorn!” and stormed off into the house.

My husband and I were babysitting and had just sat the boys down to eat dinner. The middle boy [name_m]Ronin[/name_m] (he’s 5 now, I think he was 4 when this happened) asked if he could have a napkin, but all I could find was toilet paper. I figured it would get the job done so I brought the roll to the table and started to unwind some when he goes, “Um, that is for your butt.”
It took us quite a while to settle down after that!

The youngest will be 4 soon, and over the summer his mom took him to a flea market and told him he should not touch anything. Of course, he couldn’t resist and his mom put him in time out (made him stand in a corner) and as they’re walking by an employee to go to time out he says, “I guess you don’t love babies! [name_m]Just[/name_m] put me in jail!”

I found a whole long list of them… Funny things kids say | Giraffian kid's stuff Warning: makes for very addicting and time-consuming reading! :slight_smile:

My little niece, [name_f]Silke[/name_f], is ready to become pregnant! (According to herself) When they were at her grandparents in the [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] days, she would be looking at her grandpa and going: “Grandpa has big tummy. There’s a baby there!” while her mother shook her head and told [name_f]Silke[/name_f] it was just because he’d eaten too many Danish biscuits. So of course, she ran to them and began furiously eating to get a baby in her tummy. Now, she wants to feed her mother with them, so she can get a baby sister.

This is from a few years ago, but I remember my aunt telling us about how her 2nd boy (of three at the time) asked her why she still had her “feeds” when [name_u]Toby[/name_u] (the baby) didn’t need them anymore? So she asked what he thought she ought to do with them, and he says “cut them off”!

Another one, my coworker moved house recently, and the kids were elsewhere for the day so they weren’t in the way. When they came home to their new house that night his little boy says “look, they borrowed our couches!”

Today, while watching Disney [name_m]Jr[/name_m]. With my four year old DD, there was a segment about black history month. She asked me if it was time to celebrate black [name_m]History[/name_m] month. I told her yes, every February. She said: but I want to celebrate pink history month. [name_m]Black[/name_m] is not my color!

Kids are hilarious! I remember years ago, my little niece (must have been about 4 or so at the time? I can’t remember exactly) came up to me and said softly, “Auntie…” I asked her what she wanted, and she responded, “Let’s get married. I’ll be the man.”

I died laughing. Apparently, I was her second choice, too, after her father explained that he was already married to mommy. Lol.

This thread is full of cuteness. I work at a nursery, and the other day I was playing lego with a little boy (about 3), and he kept saying ‘Oh robots!’ in place of ‘oh no’, and it was so adorable!

In [name_u]December[/name_u] I went to visit some family and had a “kids have no filter” experience. So my canine teeth are a longer than the teeth around them and pretty pointy at the end and my 7 year old cousin get really close to my face and says "Why do you have vampire teeth?’ Her mom was mortified but I just laughed. :slight_smile:

A few years back at [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] time, my sister had told my niece the story of [name_m]Jesus[/name_m] in the manger.
She latched on to [name_u]Baby[/name_u] [name_m]Jesus[/name_m] and started calling her doll “[name_u]Baby[/name_u] Cheezwiz” that’s what it sounded like at least.
She just loved pushing [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Cheezwiz around in her doll pram.

One time I went to a Japanese children’s day in a park and a koi (type of largish fish) society was there and they had brought with them about ten koi in large buckets for the kids to look at. The kids were all looking at this one koi when suddenly it jumped out and one boy who was about four screamed “SHARK!” [name_f]My[/name_f] brother and I died laughing.