What do you think of them? Are you part of a large family? [name]Do[/name] you want a large family? [name]Do[/name] you judge large families? Experiences? I had a conversation with friends about this and they all had a different opinion. [name]Just[/name] wondering what you guys think!
I’m one of four children. I’ve been noticing that often a person hopes to have exactly the same size family that he or she grew up in (or at least many of the people in my life are that way). I would love to have four children, and am afraid I would feel incomplete with less. My husband is one of two, with a third that was stillborn, and when I ask him how many children he wants, he says, interestingly enough, “Two or three” (though when I state my desire for four, he says that he would definitely entertain that idea). I’m a huge fan of large families PROVIDED THAT THE PARENTS HAVE THE RESOURCES TO MEET ALL OF THEIR CHILDREN’S NEEDS. This idea of having dozens of kids and then signing up for welfare doesn’t fly with me.
I watched a documentary about the plight of migrant workers in the U.S. (I don’t recall what era the documentary was discussing, but believe it was mid-1900s). The families featured in the documentary were sadly impoverished, skin and bones, rags for clothes, no shoes, etc. BUT, the families had about TEN KIDS APIECE! I truly do hurt for any human being who is deprived of basic necessities such as food and clothing, but when parents continue to bring children into a world where they will inevitably be deprived, I think it’s selfish and cruel. I understand that birth control was not an option for these families, but there is ALWAYS the option of wiser timing, or pulling out before ejaculation. Precautions should have been taken.
I have talked to friends about their desired family size, and there seems to be two major views on the topic. Some of my acquaintances prefer to have only one or two children, so that they will then have the financial ability to give them the BEST of the best in terms of education and luxuries. Others (among whom I count myself) prefer the idea of filling a house with children even if it means that you will not be able to afford going to restaurants or the movies (but all necessities will be met), because I would rather give my children the companionship and experiences that come with having many siblings. When I was growing up, my family couldn’t afford to go out to eat very often, and when we did, it was to cheap restaurants. But we were not deprived by any means, and when I compare my childhood to that of any of my friends, I am overwhelmed with gratitude to my parents for having given me THREE amazing and fun sisters, who were and are my BEST friends. Our childhood didn’t include nice family restaurants or trips to Disney World; it included summer evenings of playing games in the backyard together, giggling over goofy [name]Christmas[/name] “sister traditions” year after year, sleepovers with just my sisters on our living room floor, sometimes in the pop-up tent…the list could go on forever. It depends on what you value: if things like traveling or costly hobbies are important to you, than you will need to tailor your family size to be able to afford that. If you prefer the bustle and noise and opportunities that come with having many children in the house, and can afford to take care of their basic needs, then I think the more kids, the better (…well…within reason!).
There’s my two cents. 
^ This is how I feel too. If the family can afford to have a large family then there’s no issue.
I agree with pp. I also think it is important to meet all the emotional needs of the children. If a family had more than 8 kids, I think it would be very difficult to give all the children personal attention. It wouldn’t be impossible, just more difficult compared to a smaller family. I personally would love 4 kids.
I’m an exception to this. I was an only child, although not by my mom’s choice, and her only brother had no children so I’m an only grandchild too. I don’t want to have so many children that I can’t give everyone adequate attention, but I don’t want this to be my only child. I want at least one more and preferably two, but I want to get parenting of the first under control before planning the second, and so forth.
I am one of two siblings and my half sister who lives about 3 miles away. I would like to have three or so kids and my SO says two, possibly three.
SO comes from a large family of seven kids. He’s the oldest and wants to wait until he has money and time before having children. His parents cover all of their needs but he often feels that he is left responisble for his siblings (we both babysit all of them 2-3 times a week). He wants to be able to take his kids to the movies or out to lunch whenever they want to go since that’s something he never got to do.
But if you can adequetly take care of your children, have as many of them as you want.
I completely agree that one should have as many kids as they would like so long as they can adequately care and provide for them financially. [name]One[/name] of my friends has nine siblings, and her parents do an excellent job of caring and providing for all of them. Each sibling receives plenty of attention, and the parents have worked very hard to ensure all of them will receive good educations. I know this other family with ten kids, however, and they are just a wreck. Most of the kids show up to school unbathed, with incomplete homework, wearing yesterday’s clothes, and sometimes without the proper wardrobe (e.g. shorts and a tank top when it’s below 50 degrees out and raining). I know these seem like trivial matters, but I sometimes wonder if the parents even have time to make sure their kids are adequately prepared for the day. Half the time, the mother is driving around the town frantically looking for her kids who haven’t returned home yet. And they want more!! They’re constantly trying to have more kids and it’s a horrible strain on the mother’s help. Sorry, I’m rambling… but it does bother me. As in the case with my friend’s family, having a large family isn’t an issue… unless you cannot provide for them adequately, as in the second case.
For me personally, I have one sibling. I would probably like to have two children someday, although that would greatly depend on my future husband’s opinion, too!
this is me to a t - only child/grandchild/one uncle with no kids/etc. my dad had three sisters & they all had two kids, but no one i grew up with. it’s VERY important i don’t have an only child. i hated it! lol
DH and I are both only children. I would love to have 2-3 children (#1 is due in [name]July[/name]) and to me, 3 sounds huge! It’ll depend how things shape up once we experience life with 1 and see where we are in a couple years financially. I’ve known fabulous large families with so much love and so much energy, I’ve also known large families that struggled a lot to make ends meet and frequently forgot a child while running errands…there’s a huge spectrum.
I’ll echo what most past posters have said, I have a lot of respect for large families that make it work, but I think you should have the resources (financial and emotional) to care for the family you build.
I am one of two by my mum, and my step-mother is having twins, so ill soon be one of four. I want to have an even number of children, because then everything is even. I want four, I suppose.
My dad was kind of detached from his family. His sister had 2 kids, one who was about 7 years older than me and the other was like 19 years older. His brother had a daughter who was only a year younger than me and they lived within an hour of us, but rarely got together. By the time I went off to college, my relationship with my dad was dying and after not hearing from him for several years, my mom told me at 23 that he wasn’t my bio dad (fertility issues, so they used donor sperm). So I didn’t emotionally get the cousin experience and of people I’m actually blood related to, there are only 3 alive–my mom, uncle and grandma. I don’t count the donor b/c I have no way of knowing if he’s alive and if he ever produced any other children. It’s not that I feel a duty to repopulate our branch of the family tree, and I wouldn’t have more kids than I wanted b/c I felt like I had to but it makes me sad to think of my son not having much family.
I am one of five children, and my husband is one of three. We want to have four! I respect large families, and growing up in one, I know that it is hectic and challenging for the parents. I have four older brothers, so I did get some extra attention because I was the youngest and the only girl. My mother stayed at home with us and I think that all of us got the attention we wanted (maybe a little extra) and deserved.
I am not one to judge because how can you really understand someone else’s situation just by glancing at them? I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, which is a blessing and a curse at times. Anyway, if you have the money and the time to raise a large family, I say go for it. The more the merrier!
I am the oldest of 3, my husband the youngest of 3. We had always wanted 4-6 but will be stopping after this one for a variety of reasons. We do send our children to private school, but other than that live fairly simple lives. had them.when we were young ([name]Seb[/name] was born when we were both 23) and my husband was still able to attain enough post undergrad education to score him a job almost in the 6 figures which for where we live is decent. (He is also in school again for his MBA which will up his earning potential as well). In regards to money, like I said we live simply. I sah and we do lots of things together as a family etc. Not being braggy, but, many [name]IRL[/name] friends will say things to us like “if I could be the kind of parents you are I would have a few more too” etc. Again, not being braggy and we totally are not perfect! But this is our life path, andwe love having 4 kids and are very excited for pur little one arriving this spring. But it is not the life path for everyone and I would not ever think to judge a person who has 1 very loved and cared for child and more than I would hope one would not judge us for having more than the average. [name]Hope[/name] that makes sense. As parents we know our limits physically, financially, and emotionally and the large majority want what is best for everyone in the family. For us, it was having more than the average number of kids.
My thoughts exactly.
Personally, I’m one of two kids, and even though we used to fight a lot, I can’t imagine life without my brother. I hope to have just two kids, but I would like to be sure that I can provide for them financially, emotionally, etc. BEFORE I have any.
I agree with everyone else, to each their own. If you can provide for them in all ways, then keep on going. I am a bit different though. I am an only child and I only want one. I loved the way I grew up. We were pretty poor, but because I was the only child I still was able to have a nice [name]Christmas[/name] and we got to go on small vacations. If there were more kids I know without a doubt that things would have been much less comfortable. My parents and I have always been really close and I always felt really loved. I also always had friends over so I was rarely ever lonely.
I only want one because I found that I enjoyed being an only child and I also want to be able to continue to do most of the things I do without a child. I think some people would consider this selfish, but I want to be able to continue to travel and have nice meals. I like the occasional facial and pedicure. My DH has some fun, but time consuming hobbies. I don’t want to resent him for wanting to spend time on himself while I am taking care of a bunch of kids. I like not having to track every little expense. I grew up pretty poor and I watched my parents worry endlessly over money. I don’t want that for my family. We make decent money, but if we had more than one or two children, we would have to start budgeting and scrimping. I feel like some people who have a lot of kids use them as a badge of honor. I see a lot of my Facebook friend moms who talk of the “sacrifices” they make to have a big family. They say stuff like, “Hubby and I have not had a night out in 4 years and I have not gotten my hair done in 6 months, but all my kiddos are sooo worth it”, or “Everyone needs to stop compaining, you don’t know what tired is until you have four kids and one on the way!” They want people to recognize their devotion by showing how much they have given up. Maybe I just have a**holes for FB friends, but it just seems like they need to make sure everyone else knows they have sacrificed sooo much more than people with only one or two kids.
Please those of you with lots of kids, don’t think I am aiming at you directly. These are just my personal experiences and I am sure there are many humble families with lots of kids, I just have not met very many.
[name]Truth[/name] be told, yes we have obviously made sacrifices to have several children however I think we aim to be balanced when possible. Our activities are family activities that we all enjoy and I try my hardest to look “kept” when out and about and dress in a way that makes me feel goid etc. While yes, there are obviously many peoples needs to consider, myneeds are just as important too. After all, any adult woman with responsibility (whether it be to her family, a job outside the home, or both!) deserves to feel sexy, relaxed,respected, and to unwind. I never claim to be a martyr just because I am a mom, nor would I pwrsonally ever discount another persons feelings of pain, fatigue, love, loss, success etc dependant on their profession, or, relationships. My friends who have “furry kids” love them so fiercely and who am I to tell them “you dont know love until you carry a baby for 9 months”…while I do know people who feel that way, I personally do not. Why discount or minimalize the love a man has for his best friend because he has never married? Or that a woman has for her mother because she is single? The list could go on and on and its not for me to say “You dont know tired until…” etc because my friend with no kids who has MS does know tired, as do I, as does my cousin with 2 jobs and 4 cats…
It does bug me when people “one up” on anything, trust me, I am in enough mommy circles to see this happen time and time again and frankly its aannoying. Dont get me wrong, I love my kids and I am very proud of our family and positive feedback is awesome (because some people hear/see “4 kids” and automatically make assumptions about our parenting, finances, educational backround etc) but so is going on dates with my husband and drinking wine with my girlfriends. 
I guess I am in a rare place where my parents and inlaws both live within 20 minutes and are able to help from time to time. Since DH is in school, they have no problem with giving us a few hours on the weekend to be together without kids, and we get overnights every so often too! And I like my life, as hard as it may be sometimes, I honestly cannot imagine only having the first two, or, what not…but that is me. Not you, not anyone else, its me.
I like bigger families, like 4 or 5 or so. hoping we can have at least 4 but we’ve needed IVF so who knows if we’ll go back after these two are born. Yes i think its important that people can look after their own family, i personally wouldn’t plan another baby if we were on any sort of assistance.
Must say though i think it’s v. rough judging people from another background or culture or in another time for how big their family was or wasn’t or the decisions they made like one of the previous posters did. it’s all good if you have the education, beliefs and power in your relationship to say no/insist on withdrawal/whatever but not everyone does. Really not fair sorry, you can’t walk a mile in their shoes so i think it’s unfair and wrong to think you can judge like that.
So much depends on the parents. Financially, we were in a good place, but emotionally, I think I got the short end of the stick. My dad wasn’t very good at being a dad even when he was there and they broke up when I was 7. My mom worked really hard to provide that financial stability but that took up a lot of her time and energy. That’s probably why I feel like being an only child is lonely. We even lived out in the country where there weren’t any neighborhood kids to play with, so instead of getting my parents all to myself, I just got time by myself. Of course, one of my main goals is to spend more time with my son, even if that means he has to take on student loans instead of me being able to pay for his college outright like my mom did for me. While I appreciate that greatly, I wonder if I wouldn’t have appreciated extra quality time more. Still, I like the idea of having more than one child. I want him to have a family after I’m gone and there aren’t any cousins around for that.
Coming from a smaller (in my area) family of 4, I can say I would love to have a big family. I have always loved the idea of having 7-8. A great technique I learned from a mom of a HUGE family (over 10) is that every time she goes to town she takes only one child. They live in the country and have a pretty long drive. The dad works from home so he and the older kids manage while she is at the store or running errands or whatever, and she and the kid she took get to have some one on one time. She keeps track of which kids have gone recently and makes sure that nobody is left out. I also know families who do a similar thing with dad taking just one kid out to lunch etc. There are def. ways to insure that all kids get attention and love in a large family. It is all about how dedicated you are to taking the time.
I would call my family particularly big but then I wouldn’t say we are particularly small either. I’m one of six, 4 older brothers and a twins sister. I personally have always LOVED being in a large family expecially since my brothers are quite a bit older than me so they used to help me out on school work and other things. I also have 5 children myself…total surprise! I was thinking that we would stop at four but my last pregnancy was twins (who, might I add, I could never live without now). Now I kinda think that 6 will be our limit.
My brother on the other hand, has just had his 8th child, thats 7 boys and a girl. I kinda feel sorry for [name]Hattie[/name] as her number of brothers just keeps on multiplying! But its great for the boys as theres no end of fighting and go karts going on there. But then I also know what its like to have just one child. [name]Ellie[/name], my eldest, was born 7 years before my second came along. I can remember thinking I just really want her to have a playmate but the time is not now, we’re not financially stable and we simply cannot afford it. But yeah, Im kinda on the side of having a big family mainly because I have grown up in one.
Sorry for my ramblings!
[name]Bree[/name]