One or more? How many kids do you want to have? :)

So I was thinking about this the other day, because my BF is always teasing me that I’ll want twelve children. Two or three has always been my magic numbers. I always pictured a perfect family with that many children. However, lately I’ve been picturing only having one child! Things may change once I actually do give birth to that one child. But I was wondering everyone elses take on how many they wanted!

I always figured having more than one offers the opportunity for children to have a best friend within the family. And it gives the children role models and can give some moral lessons. Such as sharing and patience. Got to share your toys, and got to wait for mommy to do what she has to do before you can have her attention sometimes :wink: Is it harder to teach sharing when you only have one child? [name]Do[/name] you just need to socialize more so he/she can practice sharing with other children?

I’m just curious as to other peoples takes on how many children they want! :slight_smile: What would be your perfect family- if your significant other was to totally agree with you, we’ll say for the fun of it! :wink: And if you don’t mind explaining, why do you want to have one / more than one child? Is there a specific reason, of you just feel its what you want? I hope there isn’t another topic like this that I didn’t notice <3

Thank you for your opinions! :slight_smile:

I went from none, to 5, to 1. None was because my family wasn’t the best family and I didn’t want to have a child in fear I would screw that child up, however after seeing how close big families tend to be compared to my small one, it went to 5 (most adopted), but it went back down to 1 because I can’t stand my fiance’s nieces and nephew. I also grew up with a younger sister and I hated it. I don’t want my child to end up with a sibling that they can’t stand or feel like their the black sheep because the other one is better than the other. Also 1 is easier to afford and I would be able to pay for their college education. I defiantly only want 1.

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My husband wanted 5 when we first met lol and for the longest time. I never really thought too deeply into it because you can neer predict life and I enjoy the surprises, but once we actually started discussing our future it came up. We talked numbers but I can’t see past one. I honesty think that one may be the magic number. Who knows though. I am open to more but we dont want to plan that right now. I have talked to my friends who are only children and they all loved it.

I can’t answer your questions about only children.

Our exact number changes often. We go from one or two more (5-6 total) to 8 to as many as God gives us. That’s biological children. We plan to adopt down the line. I was originally interested in adopting an older child/ren (older than 6 or so). I don’t want to disturb our family’s birth order though so I put the adoption thing on hold. Now, I’m feeling led to adopt a special needs infant/toddler/preschooler someday. So, I think that will also be on hold until our bio children are out of the house or at least teens.

I’d really love to be pregnant right now. However, I’m also very happy and blessed with our four little ladies right now.

Ideally in a perfect world, I think we would have 4, 2 boys, 2 girls. BUT, if we got pregnant, with a boy, and a girl, 2 would be just fine. I just really want a son and a daughter, that’s important to me. I would also really like to adopt one day, so we will have to see how it all works out in the future.
As for teaching patience and etc to an only child, he/she will have friends/playdates/school and etc to help him/her learn those life/social skills. My Fiance is an only child, and he’s far more patient than I, the youngest of 3 kids.

Hehe, catloverd! Same as me! Family issues made me question wanting kids for a while. I went through a time where I wanted six kids. But realistically, I want my one child that I can have an easier time on finances with, so I can buy this kiddo anything they want/need especially afford college. I grew up with three siblings in a very dysfunctional family and tend not to appreciate them being around a lot of the time. I’d love a nice, small happy family. :slight_smile:

Hehe, wow!! Five is quite the bunch! I seem to hear a lot of friends that say they disike being an only child and want a sibling, but at the same time I do hear about those who love it. It gives a parent more time to pay their attention to that one child [which I suppose could be bad to a child at times :wink: ]. But that definitely is a good way to see it. I’ll be happy with whatever life gives me, honestly. And my opinions are likely to change throughout time… even if now I’m thinking one <3

Thats so sweet that your interested in adopting!! Especially a special needs child :slight_smile: I researched into adopting a while ago, my childhood best friend had a sister adopted from China. I remember hearing about the problems that occurred because of the Chinese people not wanting baby girls, and since then I wanted one so bad! I’m not sure if that will ever truly be a possibility to me, but maybe I can adopt a little more locally. Maybe I can think about that. I can raise my one biological child and once the child is older maybe adopt one. I’ll have to wait and see what the future holds!

That was my mothers dream as well, 2 boys and 2 girls! And she was fortunate enough to get just that! <3 To be completely honest, I am really hoping for a boy in the future. I would still be very happy with a little girl, but I’d love to have a boy. Who knows though, maybe I’ll have a girl and down the road when she’s older I can adopt a boy! :slight_smile:
Hmm, very true! School and friends certainly have a big influence on children! It makes a lot of sense (:

When I was younger, I always thought I’d have 4 kids, just like my mother. DH and I had our first daughter in 2005 and then thought maybe she would be the only one. I just couldn’t imagine going through another pregnancy and having another baby, we just got so used to our little family unit. She began asking for a sibling and telling me she felt lonely and wanted a friend to play with. THat really broke my heart. My husband also said he wanted more kids and so I caved and finally said ok, one more–let’s do it! We welcomed our second daughter last [name]December[/name]. The day I brought her home from the hospital, I decided I want MORE! I don’t know what she did to me but I’ve got serious baby fever. DH agrees, we will probably have one more, maaaaaybe two more but definitely no more than that!

Two or three, biological or adopted (or both). I have two sisters and LOVED having siblings–we are still each other’s best friends, despite the years where we all wanted to sit in the front seat or “borrowed” out of one another’s closets (well, we still do that). I like that they’ll be able to play with one another, have company, keep one another occupied, etc. I feel like one’s parents sadly pass away, friends move in and out, and a partner usually only knows you from your twenties/thirties on. But your siblings are (or could be–in my family, anyway, they are) the people who will have known you forever, remember things from your childhood with you, know what you were like the whole way through your getting to be you. That, to me, was always very special. So yeah, I want to be able to provide for my kids and cover college as best as I can, but I would rather have two than one.

Oh I forgot to mention, I only want 1 child, but my fiance’ wants 2-3. What I really want are twins, so in reality, that would be 2, but I think twins are a lot closer than most siblings. My sister is is about 2 years younger than me. We NEVER really got along. I hated the whole “your older” thing. She was totally spoiled. I don’t want my child to feel that way ever so I would only want 1 or twins because then they are the same age so I’d spoil them at the same time, haha! There would be no “drive your sister…” they both will be able to drive at the same age and both would get their freedom. I do love my sister, but we are defiantly not close and we don’t share many things in common. We are two different people.

I know only child’s can get lonely, but you can set up play dates or get them pets! We have two cats now and are debating between getting 2 kittens to add to our cat family, haha! Or to get a puppy. We’re leaning towards kittens because cats are way easier to care for.

Honestly, I always wished I was an only child. I remember telling my parents tons of times “I wish you never had her!” Of course I was usually mad at her, but as I was older I constantly wondered what it would have been like if I was the only one. But again, don’t let me crappy sibling experience change your mind! I know friends who have really good relationships with their sister. I just don’t want to risk what happened to me happen to my child, so I am sticking with 1. My fiance’ thinks I’ll change my mind, I just roll my eyes at him, haha!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve said that I want more than one but less than 5. I think I’ll end up having 3, but I think I’ll plan for a relatively sizable age gap (4-5 years, probably) between them, so who knows if I’ll actually be able to get to the 3rd one if I time it like that. I’d like to have 3, though.

I’d be happy with just one, though. I babysat an only child last summer and it was a blast. She’s a wonderful kid, and quite busy. I’d have a great time if she were my only child (if she were my child at all, haha). She had no issues socializing or sharing at all, or at least that I saw. My best friend was an only child until she was 15, and I have to say that out of my group of friends, she’s the most responsible, and the most well-rounded adult. I think her parents really did a fantastic job with her, and nothing about her says, “Spoiled only-child” at all. She’s probably the hardest worker I know. She and I have been friends since we were 3 years old, so we were friends as kids and clearly didn’t find her hard to interact with, lol. She’s much better at being social than I am, to be honest.

I definitely don’t think that having more than one kid will guarantee that the siblings will be friends. [name]One[/name] of my best friends can not STAND her sister (and her sister really seems to be pretty nasty). They haven’t spoken in probably 7 or 8 years and we’re only in our mid-20s.

I do feel like my having siblings has really made me in to an easy-going person who picks their battles and lets things roll off their back. My mom is a big “pick your battles” person, though, but if I didn’t have two brothers to ‘practice’ with, then I wouldn’t have used the technique nearly as often. I love having siblings and I love my brothers. I’ve never wanted anything different.
Almost all my family members have two kids (including second cousins and their kids and stuff), except my parents and my paternal grandparents, so I’ve always felt kind of drawn to 3. I’d [name]LOVE[/name] to see the differences between three siblings. I think sibling dynamics are really interesting… not that I want to experiment on my own kids, lol.

Four would be my ideal, though I would happily have more if I could afford them. I’ve always wanted a big family, and four seems like a really manageable number.

If my husband went along with it and was happy with the idea, I’d like 4 or so. I have never wanted an only child. My siblings are my best friends, I never disliked having them, I always wanted more brothers and sisters! (Though I wasn’t always keen on being the eldest).

When I was a kid, I never got along very well with only children. Never wanted to have one.

My husband wanted an only child. We compromised and are currently planning 2 but each is hoping the other will change their mind. I can be okay with two but it seems so small to me.

I had a brother and a sister growing up, and I didn’t think of 3 kids as a big family, big was like 5+, 3-4 was just normal and 2 was small and 1 was lonely.

I want four. I grew up wanting three because I found having only one sibling lonely at times as a child. Then seeing my husband with his three brothers made me want four. I am close to my sister and my husband is close to his brothers. I can’t imagine being an only child-my sister and I are only a year and 13 days apart so there is no time in our memories where the other wasn’t there. There is only five or six years between the oldest and youngest of my husband and his brothers. I definitely would not have more than six though. Six is the “magic” number for me-for whatever reason more than six kids seems like to much for me. I think more than four would be to much for my husband though. I am not concerned about paying for college or buying cars. I believe in children learning responsibility and earning their way through life. Want to go to college? Get good enough grades to get a scholarship and get a job to pay for what the scholarship doesn’t cover. Want a car? Get a job to pay for the insurance and be happy with the junker we [name]MAY[/name] buy you or save the money for the car you really want.

I disagree on the college thing… I think parents should be obligated to help their children. I believe they should still get jobs, but if we want them to do good in life, we should help them out. A job only pays so much and I don’t want my kids having to live their lives paying off student loans. However, my parents paid for my college and they worked hard, I saw that, and I worked extra hard. I had a job, but they told me my grades were more important and they didn’t want work to interfere, so I never worked more than 10 hours a week. My fiance’s parents also paid for his college, but they didn’t pay for rent, so he still had a student loan as well as a job in order to help pay for a place to live, but it wasn’t an outrageous amount and he paid it off within a year.

And buying a car for each kid is bit ridiculous… they can buy their own, a car isn’t important. College is. You can’t get a good job these days without a degree.

But for the 4 kids thing… it could back fire. My cousin’s are the same, there are 4 of them, all girls, and they are very close. However, my fiance’ is of 4 as well, but he has 3 older sisters. They are somewhat close, but he was often lonely since the girls wanted to play barbies and not legos. He’d have to beg them to play with him. It’s kind of sad, he even told me he used to want dolls :frowning: I’d just be careful that if you want 4, try to keep the genders somewhat equal… This is why my fiance’ defiantly doesn’t want 4, he think it’s too many, 2-3 is his ideal. I’m very set on having 1.

I don’t think college is necessary or even beneficial for everyone, that’s nonsensical. I see too many kids pushed to do degrees they don’t really need or feel a real drive to do.

My sister had help from family, AND debt, and at the end of it? She wished she had done a trade instead. Her business degree doesn’t mean much in this economy without experience - but she still has to pay the loans. College can be a scam, some times, some majors. It scammed her and it scammed our parents.

She wishes she had done a trade, she’d make more money and she’d have less debt, and she’d be able to work on her own home. College was kind of a very expensive lesson for her, and not in a good way.

[name]Plenty[/name] of my friends paid off their own college after doing the military; they got their degrees in their late 20s when they actually knew what they wanted to do instead of having to take a guess in highschool. They also worked harder as students than the young kids who just want to have fun without parental supervision.

I’d help my kids somewhat, anyway, as far as home cooked meals and if they want to live at home awhile while studying, etc. but parents owing their kids a free ride at college? Nnnot really, sorry. I don’t believe its wise to have grown kids who believe they have some sort of heaven-sent right to accrue debt and their parents will cover it.

As far as can’t get a good job without a degree, sometimes you can’t even get a job with a degree, and not all degrees are created equal. A college degree is the furthest thing from ensured employment, as I would think this recession would show.

I never said parents were obligation to pay debt. Maybe I didn’t say it very well, my fiance’ did have loans to pay for his living expenses, but HE paid it off within a year, not his parents. It wasn’t very much. Everyone has different views on whether or not pay for their kid’s college. And hey, what if you don’t, what if your kid decides to live in your basement? Be one of those 30 year olds still living with his mom? Honestly that happens because they can’t afford college and so they stay home, and as a parent you don’t really want to kick your child on the street…

This is my opinion and I because it worked out well for my fiance’ and I, I am fine with paying for my child’s college. I feel bad for the those whose parents can’t/don’t help them out. If you can’t afford your kids education, then I personally think you shouldn’t have had them or so many.

This economy is not the great, but with a degree you have better chance at getting a job, any job. I have a cousin who is dead broke, her fiance’ is working at Walmart, and she can’t get a job at all because she has no degree and there just aren’t any jobs available, not even a fast food position. She applied to EVERYTHING.

I don’t want my kid going through that. But we are getting off topic and this is MY opinion and you don’t have to agree.

I want 2 for sure, maybe 3. When I was younger I wanted 5, but that changed as my cousins started having kids.

I’m an only child and I hate it, I don’t like never having anyone to talk to anyone to look out for me etc… My mom is an only child and same with my maternal grandmother.
I had a sister 2 years older but she died before I was born. I always find myself thinking “what would my sister have told me”.
I want my children to grow up with a sibling.

I don’t agree. College degrees are absolutely not a necessity. Learning a trade is far more beneficial in life. To each their own view though. As to keeping the “genders equal”, that’s also nonsense, no offense. I was a girl who had no interest in [name]Barbie[/name] but loved cars and trucks and comic books and “boy” things. My friends wanted to play [name]Barbie[/name] though so guess what? I played [name]Barbie[/name]. There’s nothing sad about a boy wanting a doll. What is sad is that there are people who thinks a boy <gasp> shouldn’t play with dolls. I got my nephew a baby doll when his mom was expecting their second. Now the second nephew loves that baby doll. Keep the genders somewhat equal, seriously? <shaking my head in disbelief> I’ll be sure to get that baby doll from my nephew before it scars him for life, though I’ll literally have to rip it from his hands. <that was sarcasm, except the part about ripping it from his hands as that is what it would take> I’ll just let my kids BE KIDS, whether I have two or 12. [name]Do[/name] what you will with your own.

I will be happy with any, but I’d love at least 3.

Mmm, I always thought more than four seemed like a madhouse of things going on! Of course, it suits some peoples life styles. And kudos to any lady who can keep up with it all and not lose her marbles!! :slight_smile: But I myself know I’d go kooky with so much to do <3

As for the college and cars thing… I think its different for a lot of people. I myself know I wont buy my child a car. I will most definitely help to the best of my ability at the time and I will let my child use my car! But just flat out buying one… eh. If I happen to have more than one child, I would try and buy a car for them to share. My bff had that as a situation, and it seemed to work out nicely. The father bought one car that each of his kids were allowed to use [there was 3 of them].
But for college… its different for each child. I am not going to pay for my childs college if he/she’s obvious only intention is partying. A college education is expensive, and if my child was there to party it’d be a waste of my funds. However, if my child is really trying, and really interests in going to school, I would definitely do my best to help. Especially after the situation I went through. My parents made it clear they weren’t going to pay a penny of my schooling [though they did pay ALL of my older brothers school which is another story]. I made fairly good grades, all A’s and B’s except one C. I paid for duel enrollment in highschool so I could enter college being halfway done my freshmen year of highschool. I got a job when I was fourteen and started a savings account [though my mom hasn’t been willing to pay for my meals since I started working, nor clothing, so its always been a bit harder to save. The rest of my money went into the duel enrollment classes which are much cheaper than college courses but still way expensive]. So when I graduated high school… there was no way for me to go to college. All the four year schools were WAY above my head and community colleges required having a car which I didn’t have for a while. And now that I have one, and a place to live, and a job and such, I’m just not so interested in going. It was a real bummer after spending so much time learning Chinese, even paying a few grand in college courses for it, to not be able to go to college for it. There was just no possible way for me to afford it. And scholarships… laugh my butt off. Me and my best friends spent HOURS and days filling out application after application, not a single one pulled through. Heck, my best friend was in ALL honors classes and did the best classes her school offered and she didn’t really get much either. And when I went to the school I was accepted into about student aid, they only offered a mere 6,000. This school was above 60,000 a year. So my college dreams were crushed. I could still go to a community college now, but none offer Chinese…
However, you don’t necessarily NEED college to move on in life. There has actually been an increase of people not going to college. With the economy the way it is a lot of people want to hire people they don’t have to pay as much. And as for 30 year old living in my basement… its not going to happen. If my child decides not to go to college, they will have to pay rent to live in my home. And they can only stay for so long. Not to be unloving, but its just not a way to live, being a parasite like that. I have family like that and its sad. I would definitely help find an apartment if they need some help. I am hoping I can raise my children right though, to have a motivation to do at least SOMETHING. I wouldn’t mind my child living at home for a while if they were working or in school, and if they were really trying to move forward but were unable to leave just yet.

No kids are equal, all will just do as they please really. I’ll love my kiddo whether he or she plays with whatever! You can’t plan genders, and can only plan amounts to a certain degree. So I’m just going to have however many suits what I feel is right at the moment. I’m sure my children will learn to get along if I raise them right, even if they are entirely different people. My boys can play with barbies, my girls with trucks and lego’s. Or both. Me myself, I always had Barbies and G.I. Joe’s. My barbies always married G.I. Joe lol, and drove away into the distance in Barbies remote control pink corvette convertible. LOL! My brothers even played that with me when I was little… the remote control car was always a big hit. I loved lego’s, I loved trucks, I loved dolls. Well rounded :wink: