Talk About Your Story

SidneyLucille · October 8, 2020, 11:27pm

Here’s what I wrote on another “talk about your story” thread.
What do you think?

Tell Us About Your Story!

I’d like to hear more about the world building if you didn’t mind sharing. So appearances and physical features depend on the elements they have?

(I liked your excerpt a lot! Do you have a bit longer section you could post? I think that would be better for feedback.)

Appearances and physical features depend on Talent. For Animal Talents, they take on the appearance of whatever animal they have the most connection to, if that makes sense. If not, what I mean is that if you are mouse-like and you like mice and all, then you will probably have mousy-brown hair, rounder ears, and a pointy nose. Kids don’t necessarily look like their parents. For Elemental Talents, it’s explained below in my excerpt. For Visionary Talents, I don’t know yet! As for world-building, I don’t know how the pixies’ world fits into the human world yet, I just know that there is one person on each side, pixie and human, who serve as representatives for 50 years unless one of them dies. (Lessy’s mother, Ailsi Losun, and Becka’s mother, Mistress Ada Evangelyn, are the representatives in my story. That’s ultimately how Zoie and Becka meet Lessy and Ila. Oh, and Ailsi is the pixie representative and Ada is the human one) I know that Lilyriver is on a river called River de Lis because there are always lilies floating in it (lis means lily in French). But otherwise, I don’t know much about the pixie’s homeland’s landscape. As well, I don’t know what I’m calling it yet. Right now, the pixie’s homeland (one “town” of roughly 200 pixies; though the females bear children, pixies don’t have genes so you could technically marry your brother/sister with no genetic issues) is called Fawn-River Valley, but it might change. Hope that answered your questions!

Excerpt:

Chapter 1- Lessy

In which Lessy meets Ila
I can here Mom’s satisfied “Lessy! Yay Lessy!” from across the house. I had tried out for the noble school for Elemental Talents, Lilyriver, about a week ago. At the young age of 3, pixies get their Taents. There are three categories of talents: Elemental, Visionary (light and darkness Talents), and Animal Talents (talking to, becoming, ect.). I’m a Cryokinetic (Ice Talented) so, of course, I have an Elemental Talent. Therefore, if I get in, I will attend Lilyriver (I think I got in!). The Visionary school is Glimmershadow and the Animal school is Fawntail. It is Fawntail because fawns are the only animals that Animal Talents have no relation to. An Animal-Shifter cannot turn into a fawn, for example. I don’t know why.
“Mom?!?” I ask and exclaim at the same time.
“Lessy, you got in!” Mom comes running into my room. “You go!” I smile. Yes! I am Lessy Charlotta Losun, now a student at Lilyriver!
“Lessy, we can Summon Dad or we can wait,” Mom says.
“Wait,” I decide. “Then we can surprise him as he gets home.” My dad is an Animal-Shifter. He teaches advanced Animal-Shifting at Fawntail. Mom is a Pyrokinetic and one of lIlyriver’s prodigy student alumni.
“Lessy! Lessy ,” Mom pushes. “I said, the Lilyriver orientation is tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I nod. My parents have let me practice my Cryokinesis since I got the Talent. I think it helps that Mom is a Pyrokinetic and can use her Pyrokinesis to thaw any ice I make.
“Lessy,” Mom says again. “Your Lilyriver uniform came!” I look over at her. The uniform is a flowing green dress with a ruffled collar, ruffled sleeves, an angled cut at the bottom and a pattern of purple, pink, and yellow flowers. the button on the ruffle-collar is ice blue and glittery, I guess to symbolize my Cryokinetic Talent.
“Wow,” I gasp. My mom has told me stories of the dresses she wore as a Lilyriver student. The uniform, same as mine with a reddish-yellow button, and the special-occasion gown that looked like it was made of fire. “Mom, what about my special occasion gown?”
“Oh, Lessy, you make the gown in Talent training,” Mom says, a nostalgic look growing in her eyes. Pixies of Elemental Talents are resistant. A Pyrokinetic cannot get burned. Her talent protects her (or him). A Cryokinetic doesn’t feel cold. Cold doesn’t affect her (or him). She cannot freeze either. A Hydrokinetic cannot drown.
“Umm, Mom?” I ask, a thought coming to mind.
“Lessy Charlotta?” Mom replies, with a smile.
“Will I meet Gnomes and Nymphs?” A Gnome is the child of a pixie and an earth spirit. Nymphs are the children of pixies and water spirits. Wind spirits and ice spirits never or rarely mate with Pixies.
“Goodnight, Lessy, you’ll see tomorrow.” What a blow-off!

And voila! Half of my first chapter just took me like 20 minutes to type out. It’s only half of my first chapter, I don’t want to overwhelm anyone!