What have you heard about naming children?

General Name Discussion
1

I don’t tell many people about my name obsessions (not that it’s a secret, just I don’t go around talking to everyone about it), and I have yet to ever be pregnant myself so I don’t come by unwanted advice on the matter, but I’ve still come across various nuggets of baby naming advice over the years, and I thought I’d share what I’ve heard.

What do you think of this advice? What have you heard other people say about baby naming? What advice did you hear when you were pregnant, if applicable? What advice do you wish you had listened to?

My grandmother was given the same name (first and middle) as her own mother, [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_f]Margaret[/name_f]. She decided to change her name legally to her nickname, [name_f]Margot[/name_f], in young adulthood, and then later, after she divorced, she sloughed off her married name AND her maiden name and changed her full name, adopting her mother’s maiden name as her last name. She believes:

“I think everyone deserves to have their own name in their own right. What a person goes by should be unique to the family, so there aren’t a dozen Pauls running around as there are in our family, and middle names are the place where a family member should be honored or remembered.”

A woman I babysit for has three young girls, Ev@ngeline, [name_f]Lil[/name_f]@h, and El0die. The mother has serious name regret about naming [name_f]Elodie[/name_f], and when [name_f]Elodie[/name_f] was 6 months old, SERIOUSLY considered changing her name. Each of her kids’ names are unique to their family (and honor no one else in any way). She said:

“Things would just be so much easier if I had chosen family names. Everybody should just choose family names when they have kids. I picked names I loved, only to find out that they’re super common among their cohort, or that, like with [name_f]Elodie[/name_f], nobody can actually pronounce it. Nobody has problems pronouncing [name_f]Joann[/name_f] or [name_f]Carla[/name_f] [family names for them] because by now, those names have been given in thousands of other families, and everybody’s used to them.”

From a family friend:

“First names should be mainstream, while middles are the place to be wild and crazy, or pick that name that a kid just can’t hope to live up to. Your middle name can be as discreet or as public as you want it to be, so that’s the place to choose something unique.”

On the bus, hushed between two ladies who were probably in their late 50’s:

“They named her [name_m]Jonah[/name_m]. Can you believe that? With all these Isabellas and Sophias being born, you’re gonna go naming your little girl something so obviously masculine? I mean [name_u]Leslie[/name_u] and [name_u]Hilary[/name_u] in our day was one thing, and I’m all for equal rights. There are even some of these unisex names that are really popular right now, like [name_u]Harper[/name_u], that I really like. But [name_m]Jonah[/name_m]? I mean, that’s crossing a line.”
“Well, it’s not my taste at all, but where is that line supposed to be drawn anyway? [name_u]Hilary[/name_u] and [name_u]Leslie[/name_u] wouldn’t be what they are if SOMEBODY hadn’t started it, right? Then again, I do worry about her, though. [name_m]Jonah[/name_m], I mean. You know, I mean, won’t she always just envy the little girls with the dainty, feminine names?”

From a friend:

“It’s not really honoring a family member if you have to explain it. Like naming your kid [name_f]Tatiana[/name_f] and telling everyone you named her after your great-aunt [name_f]Teresa[/name_f]. If you really want to honor [name_f]Teresa[/name_f], name your kid [name_f]Teresa[/name_f]. That bond is holy! Or else something that’s like, actually related, like [name_f]Tessa[/name_f] or something. But it just bugs me when people are like “Oh the H is for [name_m]Harry[/name_m]” and it’s like a totally different name. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t do that.”

What have you heard? What do you agree with or disagree with? Also, if this kind of forum discussion has happened here before, let me know where I can read what our foreberries had to say, too!

2

On our list is [name_u]Gentry[/name_u] which was as close to honoring [name_u]Terry[/name_u] [name_u]Gene[/name_u] as we will go.

I agree with the issue with masculine names for girls.

All of our favorites have special meanings for people who matter to us.

But in the end baby naming is a personal thing so my “rules” don’t apply to others choices.

3

Agree

  • should have their own name, will not honor family. Guess not knowing most of mine, except 2 don’t help.
  • nothing wrong with unusual names.

Disagree

  • that first names can’t be wild and crazy, see some say otherwise. (Well I’ll go by my rules, they can go by theirs)
  • you can’t use names from games, (get this silly comment alot). Yet some reason names from books, movies, tv shows and etc are ok. What’s wrong with games, they’re just as much a big part of culture.
4

I plan on paying exactly zero homage to anyone when naming my future children, so I disagree with that one, obviously :slight_smile: Of course, it’s totally fine for other people, but it’s terrible advice to say everyone should use family names. I want to use 100% names I like that work with each other, period. Plus, I want to use uncommon names, so using a family name would be inherently impossible, haha.

5

While I’m not a big fan of (most!) boy’s names on girls, I think everyone should name their kids whatever they want (as long as it not offensive or anything, obviously).

I think first names can be “wild and crazy” because unusual names are super fun :slight_smile: (I have one, and no, I don’t mind spelling it for people).

I have heard repeatedly that people don’t take someone with a super unusual spelling of a common name seriously, though…like spelling “[name_u]Madison[/name_u]” “Madisynne” in an effort to be unique.

6

^^ agreed! I fully support having less common names, but a strange spelling is not unique, it’s tacky to me. I have had to correct the spelling of my name my whole life which can be really annoying. My spelling is one letter different and it’s a cultural thing, not an attempt to be unique, so I can imagine that it would be so much more annoying to have to correct people to something like “Madisynne” vs [name_u]Madison[/name_u].

I agree that people should have their own name! I really don’t like when there are [name_u]Michael[/name_u] [name_m]Henry[/name_m] I, II, III, IV.

I do think that using a middle name to honor a family member is nice, but not necessary. My middle name [name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] is after my grandmother who died before I was born. My older sister’s middle name is my other grandmother’s name, and my brother’s middle name is my dad’s name. We all have our own first names, though.

7

I feel like people throw around “rules” for naming children all the time, and it’s all personal preference so you can take them or leave them if you want to. For example:

  1. Kids should be named after family - this is great if you want to do it, but unless it’s something you’re personally passionate about then it’s not important. The last thing I’d want is to have my parent(s) hate my name because they felt forced to name me after a family member (or to hate my kid’s name for the same reason). That said, SO and I personally want to use family middle names for our kids but it’s a decision we agree on and are happy with, and we’ve chosen very special people to honor.

  2. Names have to correspond to gender - totally personal [name_f]IMO[/name_f], but the effect on the child should definitely be considered (i.e. my male cousin is dating a woman who has a unisex name - [name_u]Jordan[/name_u] - but whenever she pays the check at dinner they hand her card to my cousin automatically and she hates it).

  3. Names have to have a certain syllable count - this one’s BS [name_f]IMO[/name_f], I have a 2-2-2 syllable name and I love it and get complimented all the time. 1-syllable FNs with 1-syllable LNs don’t always sound choppy, sometimes they sound like superheroes and it’s great. It’s all your personal taste.

  4. FN and MN/FN and LN can’t end in the same sound - again, doesn’t really matter at all. Mine does and it’s never bothered anyone - my FN and LN both start with the same letter as well and I love that.

  5. Spellings - again, it’s personal preference. I personally prefer the spelling to be intuitive, but I grew up having the more unusual of several spellings of my name, and 50% of people get it wrong even after I’ve spelled it for them the first time and it’s very annoying. For the kid’s sake, just use an accepted spelling - [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] or [name_f]Sofia[/name_f], not Szophiyya.

[name_m]Just[/name_m] my thoughts but, naming at least in my country is pretty open-ended, as long as you’re not using something offensive (like [name_m]Adolf[/name_m] Hitler or [name_m]Aryan[/name_m] Nation, poor kids). If you can come up with something you love enough to use, more power to you - even if that happens to be a girl named Szophiyya or a boy named [name_f]Jennifer[/name_f].

8

Great topic!

The ones I most agree with are the first one (that everyone deserves to have at least their own first name so there aren’t dozens of Pauls in one family) and the last one (that it’s not really honouring anyone if you have to explain it). I also like the “put the crazy name in the middle name spot” one but can’t tell how mainstream that person would like the first names to be. I like the idea of a reasonably easy-to-live-with first name with a wild, awesome middle.

I think a lot of differences people have in how well they like their names and how they then name their children can be chalked up to the grass always being greener on the other side of the fence, and/or just people reacting to their own experiences. My sister and I both have “mom names”, and we’ve talked about how awkward and uncomfortable that is and how it mismanages people’s expectations of us (like, people meet me and immediately subtract 30 years from the age they expected me to be). So that’s a major concern for both of us in naming children. However, we don’t have especially strong feelings about using very popular names - we never experienced being [name_f]Jennifer[/name_f] G. and don’t know what that feels like (and actually, either of us would have changed her name to [name_f]Stephanie[/name_f] or [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] in a heartbeat had that option ever presented itself when we were growing up). Our names also weren’t hard for people to pronounce, so we don’t have strong feelings about that either. My name has an unusual spelling and that’s been a bit of a pain, but I don’t know how much I’d let it impact my naming preferences: there are so many names with multiple possible spellings that spelling names out loud for administrative purposes seems like something that many people will increasingly have to do anyway.

The only hard and fast rules I will contribute to the list for discussion are:

  1. no matter the name, it needs to work phonetically in SOME language (preferably the one in which the child will primarily operate)

  2. don’t give your child a mom/dad name - that is, a name that was mostly just popular in his/her parents’ generation. (This is more likely to be a problem for girls than boys since girl names have much more variety across generations.)

9

I always think you should choose the name you love, whether that’s popular [name_f]Sophia[/name_f], more unique [name_f]Ophelia[/name_f], more masculine [name_u]Carter[/name_u], or your grandma/mom/aunt’s name [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] (these are just random names, although I like them all)! I don’t always like boy’s names on girls, but to each their own as long as its not offensive! I am not a fan of creative spellings at an attempt to be unique, I think that the original is almost always better! I like honoring names, but I also love each child having their own! I would feel with honoring names, that I would feel bad honoring one person over another, I don’t want to show favoritism or cause hurt feelings. So basically my only rule is go with what you love, and if your child absolutely hates it, there’s always nicknames or they can change it!

10

Thanks for the responses! You’ve each shared valid points, but @greyer, I definitely agree with the syllable-rule thing. I think there are plenty of great names for each syllable combination, and it’s definitely not a one-size-fits-all magic-formula type decision with one right answer.

DH and I share our one-syllable last name, so I tend to gravitate towards longer names when I sound them out, but then again, my husband and I both have 3-syllable first names, so I can imagine if I give each of my kids a long name, the family roster will be quite a mouthful, so we plan to vary the lengths of the names we choose, and we have a couple one-syllable first names (as opposed to the dozens of longer names) that we think flow really nicely with our last name.

11

I’ve always felt that kids should have their own names. If a name you like happens to be a family name, then great. I think it’s silly when I see people trying to make a name they don’t even like work because they are desperate to “honor” a family member. Why does it matter? Why is it your kids responsibility to make someone feel “honored”?

Most people prefer to be unique with the middle but I prefer the opposite. In both cases the child can use an initial to hide the odd name if they like. [name_u]Zephyr[/name_u] [name_m]William[/name_m] can put ‘Z. [name_m]William[/name_m]’ on his resume just as [name_m]William[/name_m] [name_u]Zephyr[/name_u] can put ‘[name_m]William[/name_m] Z.’ I’d rather start with a bang by having the unique name up front.

I’ve noticed that some people prefer to ‘de-ethnic’ a name to make it “easier”, like [name_f]Caoimhe[/name_f] vs. [name_u]Keeva[/name_u] or [name_m]Esteban[/name_m] vs. [name_m]Stephen[/name_m]. I’m on the fence on this issue. I understand that it can be annoying to constantly have your name butchered. Plus there’s still a lot of ignorance and bigotry so you may want your child’s name to be more English friendly. On the other hand, the world is becoming more global and we all should become accustomed to different cultures & languages. We shouldn’t have to hide our differences due to fear of discrimination.

12

2 I heard recently:

From a coworker: “They’re naming her [name_f]Madeline[/name_f], but I think they should spell it differently. A unique spelling just makes a name more special. It makes it all your own”.

AAAHHHH!!!

From another coworker: “You should never do ‘Juniors’. My brother is a [name_m]Jr[/name_m]., exact same name as my dad, and my brother has been in and out of prison and has all kinds of debt issues and they’re always harassing my dad about it. Calls from collection agencies and all sorts of nightmares. They certainly regret that decision, mom and him.”

hmmm…I’ve never heard this coming back to bite the parent.

13

A co-worker at work, who is not expecting currently:

"if I had a girl, she’d be [name_u]Jaycee[/name_u], and a boy would be Ceejay. C-e-e-j-a-y. My name starts with a C and my boyfriend’s starts with a J, so they’ll be named after us.

Another co-worker, who is expecting:

“I don’t want to name them yet, not until I know what they are, hell, even then, I likely won’t bother too much, it’s just a name.”

My mother, when I told her my favourite names:

“[name_f]Florence[/name_f]?! You like [name_f]Florence[/name_f]?! [name_f]Florence[/name_f] is like, blue haired ladies, and no. {I explain that I love it but will likely never use it because will not likely find someone willing to use it} Fingers crossed you don’t!”

All I’ve learned is, ignore the people I work with and my mother when it comes to names, apparently.

14

Ouch! That’s practically like “I hope you never find a significant other because I don’t want a grandbaby if she’s going to be [name_f]Florence[/name_f]!”
I (of course along with most of the nameberry community) love [name_f]Florence[/name_f], don’t scratch it off your list.

15

I just heard the other day:
“I hate this new trend of using Dad’s names as girl’s middles. It’s insulting to little girls.”
As far as I know, this “trend” is not new, and I am certainly not offended by meeting a [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] [name_u]James[/name_u] _____.

16

The only things my mom’s said about names are:

  • she has a name that’s never (in her mind) sounded like a name you’d see on a little child. “[name_m]Just[/name_m] imagine calling out for a little [name_f]Sharon[/name_f] in the grocery store!” so she doesn’t like names that feel too clunky or old… But then again she’s positively reacted to a few older names I’ve mentioned.

  • my brother is a junior sharing the same first name as our dad, and that was a little hassle in conversation and with mail. My dad goes by a different nickname than my brother (who uses the full name now as an adult) so that has waned in the last five years or so.

  • that said with the old sounding name, she dislikes the childish nickname my dad’s family calls him occasionally ([name_u]Billy[/name_u]), but I think that’s because she thinks of hillbilly rather than overly cutesy

  • she thinks using new names instead of family names would have been more interesting, but admits she’s never been particularly creative or obsessed with names. So when it came time to name my brother, dad’s name seemed like a good enough name (with his brother’s name as a middle), and her mom’s name and her own middle as my names. Now she says she could have put more thought into it, but doesn’t really regret either choice.

A lot of my peers seem to feel like a unique spelling makes the name more special or cool but I don’t agree. [name_m]Just[/name_m] glad they aren’t in charge of naming my own kids!

17

I can see your last piece of advice. That’s a point that’s been jumping out to me. A lot of times, the significance of names is often only known by the parents, maybe other relatives, and eventually maybe the child itself. However, i sort of feel that having to explain it would make me question if it made sense.

I agree with the masculine names on females.
Changing names to make them more unique…it doesn’t work and almost always looks tragic.

I’ve heard that naming a child is actually hard. Some friends of ours are expecting their third child and they’ve told us how annoying family and others can be. People seriously would get mad if the kid wasn’t named after them, or named a name they liked. That’s why, going by their advice and advice on here, we won’t be discussing names with anyone (expect maybe the aforementioned friends, who we trust completely) ahead of time.

18

Agree with grandma much more than the woman you babysit for about family names - middle names are a good place for honoring family, but the point of first names is to distinguish individuals.

Largely agree about first names being relatively mainstream, and if you must have a crazy name it should go in the middle.

STRONGLY agree about naming girls very male names. I think it is a problem that has to do with sexism (male names are seen as superior, but once they become associated with girls they are seen as tainted for boys). I’m really for reclaiming those “tainted” names for boys - [name_u]Courtney[/name_u], [name_u]Kelly[/name_u], [name_u]Jody[/name_u], [name_u]Shannon[/name_u], [name_u]Ashley[/name_u], etc.

Your friend seems not to be aware of Jewish tradition, where you take the initial of a late family member and choose a name that starts with that initial to honor the family member. In general I don’t see the point in policing the way people honor others with names - it seems pretty personal and if they feel a particular name honors a family member, that’s really all that matters.

19

This was actually one of my Ashkenazi Jewish friends. I was surprised when she said it.

20

Now that my husband and I are actually finally expecting, I’ve been getting a lot of unwanted advice and input on how to choose a name. But most of it goes along the same lines as what I said in my original post.

However, my mom just told me the most helpful advice I’ve heard thus far, so I wanted to bring back this thread.

This is my mom’s advice to me on choosing a name:

“Your name fell together. I had thought of Cla1re as a first name, but then felt badly that I didn’t feel as strongly about [name_f]Helen[/name_f]. So Cla1re-H3lene came about. I felt that you should have a single name as your first. You were [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] Cla1re-H3lene for a bit. But then I fell in love with [name_f]Lilian[/name_f]. I felt with the single L it honored [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [my great-grandmother] twice. I also had played with the idea of honoring [name_m]Paul[/name_m] with [name_f]Paulette[/name_f] or [name_f]Pauline[/name_f], but I have never cared for the sound of them. I cared about the idea, but I wanted to feel your name, just as I began to feel “you”. It’s kinda the last sense of control you’ll have. Parenting a child is all a big partnership and out of your hands in so many ways, so giving a name is your gift and wish of an identity that expresses yourself, your history and the love you feel for someone you don’t know, but have waited all your life to meet. You are lucky that you love [DH] and want to include him [she was a single mom when she named me]. It makes it more complicated, but a good problem to have. It all sorts itself out. You live with ideas, move to and away from them, toss some out, pick them
up later, feel settled for a bit, then not. But at some point, it feels right and perhaps it’s because as a baby moves inside you, keeps you up, startles you, as others can’t help but touch as your baby grows, your belly grows, so does the sense that you either need to meet this person and feel it then, or the name quietly settles and seems right. Almost without you noticing. Perhaps you never “choose” it at all. It chooses your baby. Tradition used to dictate these things, it’s very recent that we do can choose from anything we like, that we really feel suits our child.”

I love my mama.