This is a true test of your ability to come together as parents and both compromise and communicate. Your child should have a name you both love and feel connected to.
This is difficult in relationships but with children it’s critical that you as parents can be on the same page.
What it sounds like really is that he has a vision (also perhaps likes WandaVision?) in his mind of what he likes and wants and he just needs to include what you and the potential child will also want.
It can be hard to adjust what you want to suit others.
This will come up throughout your journey through parenthood with everything, this is just the first decision that you must agree on and decide together.
[name_f]My[/name_f] advice here… Each of you make a list with ten points
Not ten names
Ten things that matter to you when choosing your child’s name
You can’t include any names
Example:
- No negative association for either of us
- They name must work in any languages we or our families or neighbors speak
- Cannot sound odd with the surname(s)
- There could be something included to honor someone or something meaningful to one or both of us
5…
Both of you put the rules up on the table
Bring your lists for starters
[name_u]Read[/name_u] each others ten rules
If the rules are respectful of each other and the child then say they all stand
Discuss anything you don’t agree with
Really talk through but don’t bring up specific names
[name_f]Remember[/name_f] this is a human being
[name_f]Remember[/name_f] you don’t know gender
[name_f]Remember[/name_f] that most things you can’t control about your future child… Together you get to choose their name and it should be about them and about you both together
One thing about names is that they connect us to our roots but also follow us through life.
Names change over time, they get passed down and become family names even.
You’re right that you need to decide together.
Once the rules are in place, then present the two lists and go through them…
Explain why not for rule breaking names
Make a new list each with any non rule breakers
You can even say ok [name_m]Jarvis[/name_m] could be a middle name or a second middle
[name_u]Or[/name_u] maybe you have a girl and this never comes up…
But keep a middle names list each too…
A special these were vetoed BUT my partner said maybe for a middle
Chances are good you’ll only need to choose one name in the end but I suggest choosing a top two in both genders…
In case someone close uses your top pick
[name_u]Or[/name_u] you dislike it later
[name_u]Or[/name_u] you have twins
[name_u]Or[/name_u] you want to see the baby first
Or…
One compromise you may consider is choosing the first name together
And each choosing a middle and this way … First you each get something special you love and if you did have twins you could even just each give one a middle?
But that’s an idea
Okay so now assuming you haven’t suddenly found THE name…
Make a list of letters you would be ok with the name starting with…
and just sit separate once a day or once a week or over the course of a week and scroll through one letter.
Write down any names that jump out at you personally
Then find a day to sit down and go over the first letter… Does anything match?
does anything jump out at you from your partners list?
Veto anything that doesn’t … But start a list of the names you don’t veto…
Something is out there that you can both love.
(And you don’t have to do alphabet, you could do various categories and you could use a name book or website or family tree or nameberry lists/suggestions…)
When you’re done go through the new list and see if something feels right to both of you.
But you both have to be open to new ideas… It’s really special that you both care a lot about your child’s name and that your partner has real thoughts and feelings on the subject. It might turn out to be quite lovely to have someone else really caring about this decision along side you. But there needs to be an understanding between you that you need to be in agreement.
I hope everything works out well for the two of you and the possible little one, and that you’re able to choose a name together that will make you all happy.