Being the old soul that I am (even though I am young), I wonder about this. I swear I was born in the wrong era- I love the 40’s and 50’s! I watch the dick van dyke show, leave it to beaver, and I dream of what it must have been like to be a housewife back then, not having to worry about your kids going outside by themselves, cooking all day (I love cooking) and having a spotless home!
I read things and hear stories of young moms from that time and it so wasnt looked down upon! You got married young, had kids young, and that was expected! My grandma had her oldest at 16, and still to this day brags about how wonderful it was to have her so young.
Nowadays, it is the exact opposite! Women are expected to go to college, get a big degree in something, or at least find SOMETHING to do between the gap of 18 and 25 (at the minimum) to occupy their time before having a family. It seems the trend is that women are usually in their late twenties or thirties by the time they have their first.
[name]Don[/name]'t get me wrong, there is so nothing wrong with that! I just don’t understand why young moms get such a bad rep now, like they ruined their whole life! I got married practically the minute I could, and I have never been happier! Then again, I am an old soul. A lot of young ones today make stupid decisions jut because they’re young and can. I was never that sort. Since I was a little girl, I even put stock into what cartoon I wanted to watch or what snack to eat. Always thought things out. But still I get questioned and looked down on for marrying so young. Now it’s been a year since marriage and naturally I can not wait to have kids! Granted I would like to get a few things settled financially first, but if I found out I was pregnant tomorrow I would be extatic! The sad thing is, I know many would not be extatic for us, and I would get even more questioning looks and nasty comments.
Anyhow, enough of my rambling. Is anyone in this same boat here? I don’t mean in the ‘whoops I got pregnant young on accident and now I have to get married’ boat. I mean the ‘I CHOSE to take this route’ boat? Only nice comments please
My now husband and I met when we were 4, we didn’t know each other well but ended up going to the same high school. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 15. Now I think about it seems a little crazy that we were so young that neither of us ever dated anyone else. Anyway! We go engaged just before my 18th birthday and got married when I was 19 and he was 20. We had our first baby when we were 21, our second when we were 22 and are having our 3rd now at 24!
Lots of people judge us for having children young, that we are “wasting our lives” but I feel like I wasn’t really living until I had my children. Yes I had to put my degree on hold but I know I will go back. I’m young enough that my children will all be in school before I’m 30 and I can work then.
I love being a young mum and I might even get to be a Grandma before I’m 50, haha!
I’m a young mom, had my first at 23. It wasn’t a planned pregnancy, and even though my daughter’s not even 2 weeks old yet, I’m REALLY, REALLY glad I had a baby this young. Not just because of how great my daughter is, but for lots of reasons:
1 - I had a really easy labor, delivery, and recovery. Three days after she was born I was sitting on the floor holding her and something else and jumped right up hands free and thought about how I probably wouldn’t be able to do that at age 30.
2 - She’s the first granddaughter on both sides - not just for her grandparents, but out of all of our cousins, etc. Everyone was SO incredibly excited about her. I know all the future babies in the family will be loved and celebrated just as much, but it was really nice to be the ones to give our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc…their first grandbaby.
3 - I know I won’t have any problems whatsoever keeping up with an active toddler, child, even teenager. I know moms in their 30s often stay active and keep up with their kids, but probably not to the extent younger moms do.
4 - This might not be correct, but I think I’ll have an easier time relating to my child as they grow up than I would have if I had been older. I don’t think this holds true for everyone who has a child young, but personally I think it will be the case for me.
5 - I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. I was a wild teenager/into my 20s, I did and saw a lot, and even though I did have one or two things on my pre-baby-bucket-list that weren’t complete, I really don’t feel like I’m losing out on my freedom or anything by having a child.
6 - There’s a higher chance I’ll be around longer/healthier for more of her life/get to enjoy more time with potential grandkids or if she doesn’t have children, I’ll be able to enjoy spending time with her and having an adult relationship with her
I don’t have any kids yet, but I would love to be a young mom. We were 20 & 21 when we got married, and have been married almost a year now. I would be thrilled if we got pregnant tomorrow… But it’s unfortunately not really an option right now due to finances and our house situation. That, and my husband isn’t really ready yet… The plan is to start in a few years and be done before I’m 30 (hoping to have 4 kids).
I have nothing against women who decide to have a career first, and have kids later on… But that’s just not how I want to do things. Having a family is my top priority, and I’ll ideally be a stay at home mom until the kids are in school.
Im not quite as [name]YOUNG[/name] as you BUT I have encountered the same thing…
We have been together since I was 20 and he was 23… lived together since shortly after we met… Married when I was 23 and baby at 24…
AGAIN like I said not THAT young… but most moms with kids my sons age are about 32-40 years old!
I can’t imagine waiting that long! I knew what I wanted… I did not go to university ( although I do have some “certificates” through community colleges) I never saw that point as I Knew I wanted to be a STAY AT HOME mom!
I get asked if i miss being single or if i wished I had waited to get married and the answer is NO… I dont regret any of it! Its what I always wanted!
Biology is on your side, even if culture is askew. The point of feminism is that women are supposed to be able to make their own choices. I commend you on yours!
I’m 24 and I wish I had a baby right now! I’m in a serious relationship but we’re not ready for marriage or babies yet, having said that, if I found out I was pregnant tomorrow I’d be thrilled! Being a wife and a mom is definitely what I want the most in my life.
As a mom I can assure to that there is nothing people seem to enjoy more than judging a mother or panicking about the welfare of a child. I think that if you have a baby at 18 someone will say something about your wasted youth & if you have a baby at 40 someone will whisper something about the high risks involved. [name]Even[/name] if you have a baby at the oh-so-perfect late 20’s period like I did, some old lady will comment about how cold she is or how over heated she is in her outfit!
Now that I’m 30 I will say that I am in great physical shape and have no worries about carrying baby #2. I hear a lot of noise from young moms about being able to keep up with a toddler or having an easier pregnancy and recovery. I will say this; I know plenty of girls in their early 20’s in awful shape, with bad diets & various ailments. I know plenty of moms having kids after 40 who are young at heart, vibrant & energetic. It’s all about how you take care of yourself & what you eat & how you live.
It’s normal to romanticize the past, but we all know that plenty of those young moms in the 40’s were wishing they could’ve done more with their creative energy than darn a sock.
If you don’t quite have your finances straight, if education isn’t for you, if you don’t care to travel, if you’re an old soul & a domestic type, maybe you could use these pre-baby years to start a small home-based business or lifestyle blog (or both!) that involve your love of home & family. You could lay the foundation for a way to make some extra money while caring for your future babies down the line.
I was going to comment, but then I read this, which sums up my thoughts exactly!
I don’t really understand the comments that women in their 30s have a harder time keeping up with children than women in their 20s. When you get to your 30s, you’ll understand! 30 is still very young and I can tell you I’m very fit (in fact, fitter than I was at 20)! Maybe women in their 40s or 50s would have a harder time, but not women in their 30s.
We’re very lucky to live in a time when we can choose to be whoever we want to be. If you want to get married and have children young, you can. If you want to go to university, travel, work, etc, you can do that, too. However, someone will always criticise your choices, no matter your age! I’m 29 and my mother-in-law has already told me I’ll be an “old” mum. Personally, I think I’m the perfect age, but of course she grew up in the 1950s and had her first baby at 20.
As the previous poster said, we all romanticise the past, but many women back then would’ve given anything to have had the opportunities young women have today.
My mother had me at 38 at my sister at 40. She doesn’t want either of us to have kids (she’d rather we put our careers first), but she has told me that if I must procreate to do it earlier than she did. By the time my sister and I were teenagers, my mom just didn’t have the energy to parent us like we needed. I’m not saying this is true of all older parents, or even most, but it was true for my mom. I want a large family, and I want to start sooner rather than later – with or without a partner.
Some people are judgmental because they aren’t very empathetic. I don’t mean in the “feeling sorry for others’ misfortunes” sort of way, but in a “putting yourself in another person’s shoes” way. It’s hard for them to fathom that different people have different wants, needs, attitudes, priorities, and goals in life that are different from their own. Different doesn’t mean wrong.
I got married at 21 and my parents’ neighbors (I was a nanny for their kids at the time) who didn’t get start their families until they were in their 30s couldn’t believe I would want to be “tied down” so young. I married my best friend! I certainly didn’t/don’t feel tied down, or like I missed out on anything. Maybe I’m an old soul, too, but I like reading books and cooking and making art. I can do what I like just as well married, thank you very much!
[name]One[/name] of my close friends from grade school frequently posts links to “feminist” articles on Facebook about things like young women choosing not to _____ (enter the workforce, enter traditionally male dominated fields, etc.) are somehow ruining things for other women or taking for granted the work of women who came before us in the feminist movement. I completely disagree with that! The point of feminism, as someone else stated, is that women (and men, too!) should be able to make their own choice about what to do with their life. No one should be forced or expected to marry young and have babies, but neither should they be expected not to! What I’m doing right now, being my husband’s wife and our daughter’s mother, fulfills me more than anything else ever could. It’s my dream. I know it’s not for everyone, but it is for me and that’s what matters.
It’s not that I’ve never done anything for myself or for my own betterment. I went to college, I have a degree in elementary education, I’m currently working towards a Master’s in early childhood special education. I substitute teach on my husband’s days off so I can get out of the house and earn some money and he can play stay-at-home-dad for the day. I’ll go back to work full-time when our child(ren) are in school, but right now our 1t is only a year old and I’m savoring every moment while it lasts.
I got married at 18, had my son at 20, and am now 22 expecting my second right after my 23rd birthday. I admit, I would not have gotten married, probably if I hadn’t had a horrible tragedy befall my family when I was 16 and basically was on my own and homeless after that, but I’ve been happy with my decision. We are not super rich, pretty poor in fact, but we are renting a nice place, have some savings for emergencies, my son has everything he wants and gets to do fun things, and he makes me so happy every day. This second child is not ideal timing (got pregnant on the pill) as I am just finishing my degree and my husband has still not finished his either, but I’m confident we will still both finish, maybe just a little later than we hoped. When the kids are older and have expensive hobbies we will have more money, but for now toddlers and babies don’t really cost as much as people say.
People have judged us all along, but the ones I care about get over it when they see everything is OK. Like others said, many people will find any reason to judge parents.
I have been with my DH since right after I turned 20. I got pregnant at 22 by accident, had my daughter at 23, got married at 25, now 26 and TTC #2. So I didn’t choose this path per se, but I did choose to keep the pregnancy and to enter into a long-term monogamous relationship early in my life.
I love being a younger mother but am also happy that my kids will have probably left home by the time I’m in my late 40’s.
I am not a housewifey type. I am a pretty good cook, but I don’t especially enjoy it and my husband’s cooking is better. I clean only because it needs doing - actually, we have a cleaner now, but I still tidy up a fair bit. I am going back to study next semester and can’t wait - I much prefer a balance between staying at home and doing something intellectually challenging (although being a SAHM is definitely challenging in other ways!) to being a SAHM, which I did for the first 18 months of [name]Mila[/name]'s life.
I do get very frustrated by the notion that once you have kids, that’s it. No more study, no more exciting travel, no more nights out or whatever people in their 20’s who don’t have kids think they can only do without babies. We’re now living in an isolated location but until we moved I had an active social life and plenty of time with my husband. Now we have lots of travel opportunities, which is my other great love in life. Summary of my rant: life does not end when you have babies!
I agree with the point that feminism is about the ability to make choices in life. I identify as a feminist, and I would defend my right to choose this path in life. However, I also agree with the point that these choices did not exist for many women in the 40’s and 50’s. Therein lies the difference: it’s not half as satisfying a choice if it’s what you must do, like it or not.
The door doesn’t slam shut when you have children, my lovely neighbor had her three children before 25 and now is a young, energetic grandmother who went back to education and became a nurse. [name]Young[/name] mothers have the time and energy for travel etc when their children are grown.
Having said that I was 37 and 39 when I had mine. Good luck with your family!
I’m not as young as you, but I don’t consider myself old, either. I’m 32 and pregnant with baby #2. I had #1 at 28. I can say right now, I wouldn’t have been ready younger to have a baby. I’ve been with my husband since we were 18, so it’s not like I hadn’t found the right guy, either. I do question making 17 and 18 year-olds (male or female) make the choice of what they’re going to do with the rest of their life. I went to school, decided I hated my degree about halfway through and still plugged along. It wasn’t until I’d been working 3.5 years that I decided I really couldn’t stand it anymore, quit my job, and went back to school. If I’d had a child already, I wouldn’t have had that freedom. Then I went and got pregnant while still in grad school. My daughter was 2 when I graduated.
As someone else stated, feminism is allowing women to make choices for themselves. If that choice is being a SAHM, then more power to you.
I’m 22 and I wouldn’t mind at all if I were pregnant or already had an infant, my boyfriend is completely against it. He wants me to finish school (he’s 26 with an MFA) and for us to both have ‘real’ jobs before marriage and children are even an option. But for me, I’ve always wanted to be a mom and have a family, so taking a few years off to raise two kids doesn’t seem that scary to me! But with him being a planner, I don’t think that will ever happen.
I think the ‘baby fever’ I experience is mostly due to the fact that I want something and he doesn’t. Posing another question, when is the time right to have a baby? I’m sure I could ask thousands of you berries and there isn’t just one answer! [name]How[/name] on earth do I communicate that to my boyfriend? It’s one thing to not be ready, which if he’s not then that’s okay (even if I am). But what gets under my skin is all the excuses he throws at me (the money, the time, daycare…) when is it enough!? I get it, you don’t want a child right now (ladies, he doesn’t even want a dog right now and we’ve been living together for almost a year! My parents are taking care of my dog!) What on earth is going on in his mind? We’re not married yet, and of course I wouldn’t stop taking my birth control pills or anything of that nature just to get my way. I want to have a baby, but I want him to want to have a baby too. Is it possible that not being on the same page about something like this could be detrimental to our relationship?
Am I being crazy right now? (It kind of feels like it…)
@jaimetanae - Your boyfriend sounds like my brother! He lives with his girlfriend (he’s 27, she’s 24) and they both have good jobs and are currently studying for their Masters degrees. My brother has already said he’s not even considering marriage (let alone children) until he’s 30. I think you need to keep your age in perspective. At 22, you’ve got plenty of time ahead of you. Sounds like you guys need to sit down and have a proper discussion about your timeframes for marriage and children. My husband and I did this after we’d been living together about a year. We decided we’d probably get married two years later and then try for children a year after that…and that’s what we did! As long as you and your boyfriend can agree on a timeframe, you should be okay, because you’ll know that even though you’re not engaged yet or pregnant yet, you will be in the (hopefully) not too distant future.
I’ve always known that I wanted a family. And I’ve always been impatient. The combination has created a nice, succinct life plan for me: Go to college, get married, finish college, have kids. Turn 26. Maybe I’ll use the college, maybe I won’t. It can’t really hurt, either way.
My parents had us in their late twenties/early thirties. We’re all basically young adults, all still living at home (I’m about to leave), being expensive and making noise. All they want to do is retire and play scrabble and go on day trips. I want my kids to be out of the house when I want them to be, and not have to wait for them to grow up.
