@jk_garrison oh, that’s really hard… hugs 
Xx
1 Like
@_thelittlefairywren
Can totally understand the difficulty with finding comments hard to navigate.
I guess sometimes conception/miscarriage can be an existential question? And I guess everyone’s views really do differ in that respect. I’d say the only view who is important here with regards to your loss is yours and hubbys though. 
My personal take on it is, a loss is a loss. I feel like miscarriage robs you of the manifestation of motherhood/parenthood, in as much as you don’t get to experience the practical sense of being a mum. This doesn’t mean to say you didn’t become a mum in a spiritual sense as soon as baby was concieved?
For instance, I have two boys in the material/physical world but in the spiritual world I have a baby/spirit who never took on a body ( for reasons unknown). So essentially I am a mum to 3. Two who are with me in this journey we call life and one in my heart.
Sorry if no one agrees with this, just my views of course. And hope to not have caused anyone further hurt.
My mum told me once that the spirits of our babies are always with us and that when we are ready that’s when they take on a physical form. Sometimes that doesn’t always work out but the spirit remains the same.
I feel like our third is hanging around waiting to be created because I have that overwhelming feeling to have a third now.
And also, hugs to you 
4 Likes
This is very much how I feel. I feel like a mother in my heart, even if not in the practical sense. It really hurts when people make “but your not a parent” comments, but I have to remember that not everyone sees it the same way I do. And I am painfully aware that I’m not a parent in the practical sense… it seems harsh to me to rub that in.
This is so precious, and I think true. 
3 Likes
I woke up today with a crazy baby fever surge. I haven’t really charted this cycle due to holidays and so forth, but I wonder if I’m ovulating… I feel like I’m being chided by my uterus! 
It’s a funny thing to feel such a strong physical urge when my heart is like “no thanks”. 
We talked about when to start TTC again, and I said I wasn’t sure. Hubby freaked a bit because he misunderstood me and thought I meant putting it off for a year +. I meant a few more months (our original consensus was to start again [name_u]March[/name_u] / April), as I’m just not feeling it. He agreed with a few more months and said its a good opportunity to focus on some other things. He also suggested possibly doing some tests before TTC to assess any problems. I didn’t really have a “yes / no” answer to that, just said it might be a good idea. 
I feel myself slipping into procrastination mode a la “what I do t know doesn’t exist / can’t hurt me”… which I know is stupid, but I just don’t want yo think about it. 
So my grandmother rang me out of the blue on [name_m]Friday[/name_m] because she’d just found out about the miscarriages… and what a weird conversation! She asked if my mother was “making me get tested” (err, no, because I’m an adult?), if I know “what’s wrong with my body” (I informed her miscarriages don’t always have a reason, she was genuinely surprised), and if I have “endomeee…tritis” (no, I don’t, but thanks Nan??) 
I felt a bit rubbish after the call. Despite her saying she’s sorry, we love you, etc, there was so much “you did something wrong” implied. Comments about “strange diets are not good for pregnancy” (I’m a vegetarian) and maybe your body’s got something wrong. [name_m]Just[/name_m] urgh. This is not how you talk to people that have gone through loss. 
She also seemed genuinely peeved that we hadn’t told them in person. All I could think was “this conversation is exactly why we didn’t”. Sigh.
10 Likes
Ugh, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. Some people want to comfort or fix an issue at hand but often don’t think before opening their mouths. As unhappy as she may have been, she shouldn’t have put that on you. You did nothing wrong that caused your miscarriages. Sending you love from over where I’m at 
On a similar note, my mom visited for the first time in awhile. Not having ever dealt with pregnancy loss herself, she cannot wrap her mind around what it is like. She wants us to try again to give her more grandchildren (she has 6 already) and she doesn’t understand why we would worry about more miscarriages. She doesn’t believe us about the two we’ve had but yet says it isn’t that many anyway. She doesn’t know how close we were to losing our son…and how heartbreaking it is to experience any of this.
2 Likes
@namergirl3 Thanks, hon It is really hard when you know the person is well meaning, but everything that comes out of their mouth hurts. I’d really rather they said nothing. [name_f]My[/name_f] Dad literally said it was probably because I had too many sweets at Christmas… like what on earth?! No. Pull your horns in. The kicker being that my parents had a miscarriage, so surely he should know better!
Oh my! I can’t believe she said two miscarriages isn’t that many… 
One is too many! [name_m]Just[/name_m] one can be so traumatic. I’m so sorry she said that to you.
I can understand that frustration. [name_f]My[/name_f] in-laws have 9 grandchildren, but we still got asked when we planned on having kids. I always felt like screaming “you have a bunch - leave me alone!”
Sending hugs Family is a whole other battle.
1 Like
hello everyone! I just wanted to say thank you all for your strength to share your stories. sending as many virtual hugs your way as possible. it is always important to remember that you are not alone.
here’s a hotline for 24/7 support and counseling, mental health is extremely important <3
take care of yourself & love yourself!
HelpLine: 1.800.944.4773
Text in [name_f]English[/name_f]: 800-944-4773 | Text en Español: 971-203-7773
thank you nameberry for providing this safe space on your platform! <3
3 Likes
Happy Mother’s Day, Berries 
Be kind to yourself today xxx
4 Likes
We have decided to try again this month and I’m just so scared. I don’t think I can handle another loss and I feel like I won’t be able to enjoy pregnancy again I was so naive with my first pregnancy, I fell pregnant first try, had a really easy pregnancy and an easy labour/birth and I never thought anything could go wrong, and not to me
But,
I have had 2 losses over the last year. [name_f]My[/name_f] first was very early at 5 weeks, and even though it was very early it was still very hard for me emotionally and I was made to feel like I was overreacting for feeling that way. So that was hard on top of what I was already going through!!
[name_f]My[/name_f] 2nd loss was in [name_u]February[/name_u] this year and I found out at my 13 week scan that I had miscarried. I was booked in the next day to have a d&c and because it all happened so fast, it took me a few weeks to fully grasp what had happened and that I wasn’t pregnant anymore (especially because I didn’t miscarry naturally) I struggled for a little while, I didn’t understand why me… why me again!?
I received test results 6 weeks later that confirmed my baby had a chromosomal abnormality, and “my body did what it was meant to do” like that was supposed to make me feel better
Anyway, I am blessed that I have an 18 month old little girl already. I have hugged her extra tight over the last few months especially and I hope one day I can give her a sibling
Fingers crossed I get my rainbow 
and so do you lovey berries x
4 Likes
@Angie92 Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry for your losses. 13 weeks… I can’t even fathom the pain 
Sending you love and best wishes on your ttc journey. I hope you get your [name_f]Rainbow[/name_f] 
So many tears last night. Sometimes I think I will be sad forever.
1 Like
I wasn’t going to post here but here goes
I miscarried really early about 6 weeks when i was 16. It was one of my worst experiences ever i remember falling asleep crying over the cramps and just waking up drenched in a pool of my own blood. [warning: blood]
I’ve felt quite heartbroken about it since tbh, especially not being able to talk about it.
[name_f]My[/name_f] boyfriend and i have been ttc for about a year but it’s just not happening so a trip to the fertility clinic is in order 
3 Likes
@angelastella5 Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry for your loss. It really is a horrible experience, and I agree - the blood loss is awful! I hope you get your [name_f]Rainbow[/name_f] baby soon. Xx
2 Likes
Thank you that’s really sweet
2 Likes
I’m just here to vent, don’t mind me.
There are 8 of us in my Mums WhatsApp group, we met when all pregnant with our first children. They now all have their second, or are pregnant and due by the end of the year. I had a missed miscarriage in [name_u]March[/name_u], would have been due in [name_u]September[/name_u]. I’m just so sad that I can’t join in on all the bump and newborn talk. I never told them I was pregnant, or that I miscarried (I didn’t find out until I went for my first routine scan at 12 weeks). I didn’t want to bring that news on everyone with everything else that’s been going on with covid, lockdowns, etc. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I are trying again currently, but I got a negative test this morning, so I guess that’s why I’m extra cranky and sad today.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] feeling a bit isolated from my usual mum support network. Sigh.
6 Likes
@sabrielschild I’m sorry you had a bad day. Some days really are heavy. Send a hug. I hope you feel better soon. [name_m]Just[/name_m] remember it’s okay to feel sad, and you don’t need to rush you’re healing journey for others.
I hope you get your [name_f]Rainbow[/name_f] soon.
xx
3 Likes
Sometimes people can be so insensitive.
I’ve recently had people compare my miscarriage to having a pregnancy scare, or a late period. I just feel so defeated by it that I can’t even be mad, more just shocked – how are the two things even on the same level?
I hope none of you guys have had this happen to you too. It is such a horrible feeling.
3 Likes
Sadly and recently, I have to post here for a second time 
.
I miscarried on the 22nd of [name_u]June[/name_u]. [name_u]Baby[/name_u] was our much longed for third.
I also ended up in A &E. It’s a long story though and don’t quite feel ready to share the details. It was an early miscarriage.
I am physically ok now. Unfortunately and understandably, the experience has messed with my morale and therefore have felt really low this month.
Virtual hugs to all the ladies who have posted in this thread recently, it’s not easy, we will get there 
4 Likes
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through since you decided to take a break. [name_f]My[/name_f] heart goes out to you and your family. It sounds like it was quite scary, so I’m happy to hear that you are safe and well now, if only in body and not yet in mind & heart. [name_f]Hope[/name_f] you’re finding the time and space you need to heal. We’ll hope to see you back in the other thread in the future. Sending you lots of love. 
1 Like