Unexpected doubts

Hello everyone!

I’ve had my girl name picked out for about a year (will start TTC in a few months) but now I’m having doubts. Which is very unexpected because I felt 100% sure for so long.

[name_f]My[/name_f] girl first name is [name_f]Lilith[/name_f]. I love this name and the meaning/mythology behind it. I’m aware that every character in TV, movies, and books with a [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] are villains or antagonists.

But my mom is hung up on [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] from [name_m]Frazier[/name_m]. I’ve never seen a full episode of the show, so I Googled this character. And I’m honestly surprised my mom dislikes her, maybe I should actually watch it, but the character is very intelligent, successful, independent, and no-nonsense - All things my mom has emphasized when she was raising me.

I will be a “single mother by choice” with a sperm donor. I’m not going to get into every single reason for this, but a big one is that I want to raise a child with my mom around. So my mom’s opinion is very close to the equivalent of a husband’s opinion in a traditional baby-making situation.

[name_f]My[/name_f] first question - Should I seriously reconsider the first name? I have several other names that I love, but my heart was really set on [name_f]Lilith[/name_f].

The other doubt I’m having is the middle name. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom’s name includes “rose,” and I want to honor her in the middle name.

But several of my friends have said that, if I name my child [name_f]Lilith[/name_f], they will call her [name_f]Lily[/name_f]. I know it’s a prettier name and rolls off the tongue easier, so I really don’t mind if she’s largely known as [name_f]Lily[/name_f].

[name_f]My[/name_f] second question - Is [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rose[/name_f] too flowery? Especially if she goes by [name_f]Lily[/name_f]? I strongly dislike the double flower association (it feels so excessive to me) and have other names that I can use. But am I being too critical of it, since the name is [name_f]Lilith[/name_f], not [name_f]Lily[/name_f]?

Thank you!

I actually like [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] from [name_m]Frasier[/name_m] but I guess she was always spoken about negatively (though jokingly) on the show. It is flowery so I would avoid it if that’s something you dislike. I like [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] okay, it’s a distinctive choice!

@cactusgram - Right?! From the synopsis of the show, I think [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] is the only character I would like lol - I’m at a loss as to why the association is a negative one for my mom.

I’m happy to have 1 flower name, but 2 flower names feels excessive to me :thinking:

I really like [name_f]Lilith[/name_f]!! never watched [name_m]Frasier[/name_m] so i can’t really comment but I wouldn’t let that put you off it if it’s a name you love.

Lilith [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is very pretty perhaps a little flowery but I don’t see that as a bad thing, flowers are awesome!!

some other [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] and ‘rose’ combos:
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Primrose[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Bellerose[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosa[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_u]Penrose[/name_u]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_u]Rosen[/name_u]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] Rosenna
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosamund[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosalind[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosetta[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosabella[/name_f]
[name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Roisin[/name_f] - ‘[name_f]Ro[/name_f]-sheen’ meaning little rose in Irish.

@MargotAbeline - Oooo I like the suggestion of [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Bellerose[/name_f]! I definitely think I need something between [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] and [name_f]Rose[/name_f], if I go in this direction! I may go with 2 middle names, but [name_f]Bellerose[/name_f] is a contender!

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I think if you love the name [name_f]Lilith[/name_f], you should go with it! I personally don’t watch [name_m]Frazier[/name_m] so didn’t know that association. I don’t think [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is too flowery because [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] sounds pretty different from [name_f]Lily[/name_f] to me (but I might be a little biased because I love floral names).

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Lilith [name_f]Rose[/name_f] for the win.

Yeah, but she’s also shown as cold and rude to some degree – at least, from [name_m]Frasier[/name_m]’s perspective. As someone who does like the show, I can say that I personally don’t really like the character. But I definitely don’t think that’s reason enough to give up the name you love! I honestly don’t think it’s that strong of an association for most people anyway. I wouldn’t worry about it. :slight_smile:

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I strongly associate [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] with [name_m]Frasier[/name_m] as well, but I quite like the character! She is written to be perceived as a rather cold person, but that doesn’t really bother me. Especially because they did show her having moments where you could see the warmth that was in her. Plus, the show ended 16 years ago so I’m not sure the reference really matters or if it ever did. References don’t usually bother me, though. I agree with @elanorelle that it’s not reason to give up your favourite name!

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I expect most people to have an association with [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] that isn’t positive (but not everyone). This doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the association for my mom that I care about :pensive:

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My dad has a “negative” (not really, but I’m his mind it is) association with one of my top names and honestly I’m just gonna let him get over it :sweat_smile: Once it’s attached to their grandchild, that’ll be their strongest association, not a character on a tv show from 34-16 years ago (combining her time on Cheers and [name_m]Frasier[/name_m]). And even if that doesn’t change, I can’t imagine she’d say anything about it once she’s born (if you have a girl, that is).

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My thoughts exactly.

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@futuremama @elanorelle - That’s a good point! I actually think I told her that early on - And I especially feel that the name will match my kids personality (strong, independent, feminist, etc). I’ll try using this one again the next time it comes up lol

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I have been thinking about this a lot before posting since I can really understand the dilemma, but the more I think about it the more I think it really needs to be your mom who moves on this and not you. This is your baby, you’re the mother, you have chosen a name that is deeply important to you and honestly (and I am trying to be sensitive as I say this) she should not let the association with a fictional TV character get in the way of that and cause a tension between you both. I wonder if you have really discussed this with her openly and shared your feelings and concerns? If not, it may be worth trying to have that conversation if you can. I understand that you also have some dependence on her given your situation but she may of course decide this isn’t such a big deal after you really explain the meaning of this to you.

In reading the other replies I do like the [name_f]Bellarose[/name_f] suggestion too.

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I really like the name [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] with the nn [name_f]Lily[/name_f]! No one in her generation will know the [name_m]Fraser[/name_m] connection so I wouldn’t worry about that at all. I also like [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rose[/name_f] but do think maybe adding to it could balance the name out. What about [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f]?

@Hypatia_Hellene Thank you for thinking on it! I do the same thing with many of my replies on this forum :blush:

It’s not exactly a “dependence” situation. She is like a partner for raising this child, but not because I need her, it’s because I want her that involved. I would ordinarily side with a mom’s choice in name, rather than grandma, but normally a child isn’t created (mostly) for mom and grandma to raise him/her together :woman_shrugging:t2:

We’ve definitely talked very openly about this, but I think finding out I’m having a girl (if that happens) would really loosen up the association for her!

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@allylauren - I find any name starting with [name_f]Rose[/name_f] to be too flowery following [name_f]Lilith[/name_f]. I think [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rose[/name_f] (or other variation) is very pretty, I just can’t do 2 flower names directly next to each other lol

My first thought was the [name_m]Frasier[/name_m] character! Shes exactly how you describe. A strong, no nonsense woman, who does her best to raise her child well. I think it’s a great name.

What about [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rosalyn[/name_f]? You can still honor your mom but get away a little bit from the double flower.

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I love the name [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] I don’t know any negative connections. I don’t RoSe as a middle because it’s too common.

I love [name_f]Lilith[/name_f]! I’ve never seen the show before so I can’t speak for the character, but I also don’t mind the other associations with the name (and actually find some of them quite positive). If your heart is set on [name_f]Lilith[/name_f], absolutely don’t reconsider for the sake of your mom. This is your child. She had the chance to name her kids, now it’s your chance to name yours. I also think she will come around to the name once it belongs to her grandchild.

I don’t necessarily find [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] [name_f]Rose[/name_f] too flowery. I think [name_f]Lily[/name_f] [name_f]Rose[/name_f] would definitely be a bit too floral but [name_f]Lilith[/name_f] isn’t a plant, as far as I know.

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